I'm new to the forum - thank you for taking the time to read my post! I'm in my early 30s and recently came out as lesbian, so I don't have a lot of experience dating women. Recently I met a woman at a party. We really hit it off and I feel really attracted to her and want to get to know her more. She asked me out to dinner the day after the party. I was really excited about the date, but I totally screwed it up. First, I am new to the area, and even though I left home early I got super lost and was late. I felt so bad about that, and maybe that threw off my very very limited "game" even further? Because I felt like I was awkward in conversation during the date. For example, I think that she is not as interested now that she knows I haven't been in a relationship with a woman yet. And also she mentioned that she is coming out of a relationship and has a child with her ex, and I didn't know what to say because I was over thinking, like I don't want to ask too many personal questions or bring up a sad topic, etc. Ugh the date got a little better and we were able to have some good/normal conversation, but we haven't talked since that night (2 days ago). I guess I'm wondering: first, is there any hope in this specific situation? I really like her and I think given another chance we could have a great time. I was thinking of sending her a text wishing her a happy holidays? Second: in general how do I deal with the subject of my sexuality (esp. recent coming out), previous dating history (mostly with men), etc. in a way that is honest but doesn't make all women not want to date me? Also, how do I deal with my anxiety with dating women? Thank you - your advice is really appreciated!!
Maybe send her something saying you had a nice time but want to apologize because getting lost really threw you for a loop. You'd like to see her again because she seemed really nice and you're better on second dates anyway. I'm not sure you need to talk about history and experience yet unless it comes up naturally in the conversation. Is the anxiety different from normal dating anxiety? Is it specifically because she's a woman? Being in public with her or just not knowing what to expect?
Thank you for your reply! I haven't dated at all (men or women) in a while, so that might be part of it, but I think the anxiety is mainly stemming from the fact that I feel really bad/awkward that it took me so long to figure out my sexual orientation. Like I'm too old to be at this beginning point as a lesbian lol if that makes any sense. That night after the date she texted me to say she had a great time, good night, etc but I don't know if she was just being polite?
I don't think people say that just to be polite, it does sound like she did have a good time. I really don't think you should feel bad that it took you a while to figure out your sexuality. All of us have been in the same boat at some point or other. Your date should understand that. I know if a man said that he hadn't had experience dating men, whatever his age I wouldn't judge him for it. Dates are always terrifying at the best of times, so try not to add to your anxiety! :icon_wink You'll be okay! All in all, I don't think your date was a disaster. If you want to send her a message asking how she's doing, you have nothing to lose, right? If for some reason it doesn't work out this time, don't let it put you off because it sounds like you're doing everything right- just relax and be yourself. Easier said than done, right?
Just relax and don't be so nervous. There is no reason to. Just be yourself. You might think about texting her a mail simply stating what you wrote here: that you enjoyed the time and would look forward to meeting her again. Try to enjoy yourself and the time with her. I'd say stop overthinking and just see if you are compatible. You have something to offer... you sound like a nice person and you even have some relationship experience. But even without would not be a problem if you are a nice person. Not having been together with women might even be seen as a plus for some people. Just be yourself, be open and natural... (*hug*)
Thank you so much for your encouraging words and advice I think that I will try sending her a message just to say hi and see how she's doing, and then see what happens from there. It is definitely easier said than done to just relax and be myself, but moving forward I'm going to try to leave those self-doubts/self-criticisms behind.
