I was talking to my Support Worker yesterday, and I told her why my Dad is the way he is (the only reason why he never raises any objections to his upbringing is because it "made him the person he is", but the more relevant point is that he was surrounded by people who raised their kids the exact same way, so he is accustomed to it. I told her of how my Dad sometimes complains about this country, and I think a lot of people told me to ask him why he is still here after 3 decades, and how ironic my relationship ( if it even exists anymore) is with him. He got to where he is by "rebelling." He disobeyed his father by leaving home even though he was 23 (who passed away 20 years ago, he was in London at the time so it took a while for the news to get to him. I'm kind of doing the same thing just with a different twist on it. I told her about the situation with my brother and how they have a mutual contempt for each other. My dad has forbidden me from speaking to him, even though he couldn't stop me going to my brother who lives 10 minutes away and having "contact" with him, so he hasn't stopped anything really. Concerning this, my Mum said that if I do hate my Dad, she wants it to be because of my own reasons ( and I have a lot of them ), not because of my Brother's influence, as if I'm that gullible. I'm getting a job after my birthday, which is in a week and a half, so that by the time I want to leave, there will be nothing standing in my way. After telling her all this, she said I really need to tell my Dad how he has made me feel, but I don't think I can do that alone. What should I do?
Well do you feel you want to do this now or because your mum suggested it ? Do you have a possibility to talk about that with your support worker ?
If I wait another 3 years, there will be more on more things piling onto this problem, so I'd rather do it now.
Telling your Dad how he has made you feel doesn't have to mean sitting down with him to have a big conversation. Many people find it easier to outline their feelings in writing, so could you send him a letter? If you really set your mind to it, you can say everything just as well.. if not better, in writing. Don't forget, many people choose to come out with a letter, for similar reasons. How do you feel about your support workers suggestion?
I know I have to do it, it's just.... I'll be made to look like a brat because if my Dad doesn't deny everything, he'll justify it by saying he was "putting me in my place" or " I brought it on myself." That's why I can't do it alone. Also, the last time I wrote a letter, the wrong parent found it and once again, I was made to look childish. My Mum said she had nothing to apologise for and apparently I "cause all the stress."
I told her my Dad has an extremely shoer rwmpwe, is stubborn, and often tries to turn the tables when he realises he is wrong. I don't think I mentioned the letter, but she knows what my Mum did.
IF you're gonna confront him, confronting him has to be the 'end' in itself, not a means to an end (i.e. him having an epiphany, apologising and becoming the dad you always wanted) Not to say that absolutely won't happen, but.. you can't count on it, and if you are, then.. I can only see the confrontation doing you more harm than good.
I'm 15 in a few days, so maybe now isn't the time to confront him, my Mum said she will not let him throw me out, but my Dad seems to always have the last word, so that may not mean much. I can't say I really want him in my life if he does apologise, which will not happen IMO.
