I really need to talk to someone. I'm crying as I type...it's so hard to do this...I'm not a young man. I have a wonderful family, children, grandchildren...but I'm the opposite of a teenager coming out. I've hidden for over 50 years and I'm at the breaking point. I would never do anything to hurt my family...I love them, more than that I'm blessed by all that I have. Yet, there's another me out there who never had a chance to have a life. There's no way to change that now and if I tried I would hurt far too many that I love. But....if I could just talk to someone...say the things that I've kept hidden for so long. Just to hold another man's hand, even as a only friend would be a experience I've dreamed of for over 50 years. Please, someone, just talk to me...
Hi Quebec, Glad you found this site. Maybe take a look in the Later in Life forum. That is where those of us who either figured this out late or are just now doing something about it tend to hang out. You could re-post and mention something specific that I'm sure others have experienced so they can help you. There are a number of older guys who give good advice. Take a look. Also, hang in there. It might take a bit for replies to roll in due to the holidays and time zone differences.
Hey, you know... I totally understand feeling as though you would be responsible for causing your family a lot of pain, but just remember that it's no one's fault but their own if your preferences bother them.
Hello to all who have replied to me... I'm having a little trouble being able to post messages...apparently there are still some rules I don't understand...which is OK as long as those who have reached out to me find out just how much your words have meant to me. So here is the message I've been trying to send.... Thank you for the offer to talk, thank you for your words of support and encouragement. I find myself checking EC every half hour or so to see if someone has responded to anything I've posted. It's like being starved for such a long time and then suddenly I find food and water. More than anything I just need someone to talk to. Now that the overwhelming emotion of finally finding people I can safely talk to has passed, (it really has not passed) I am realizing that I just need the human connection that comes with being who I really am, even if it's only on EC with a keyboard! I really don't mean "only" EC, because in less than 24 hours EC has allowed me to open up for the first time in over 50 years....I cry every time I type, but now the tears are not always of sorrow. I still don't know who I really am...part of me has been suppressed for so long that I think this will be a process of some length. But I finally see the chance to let down my barriers, if only on this keyboard...for now that is enough. I will have many questions to ask...I'm sure some will sound stupid from a grown man...but the person typing right now is not grown, he is a very young man looking for friends and trying to understand himself. As for my family and my church...unless something truly drastic happens, they can never know. This is a price I've paid for my entire life and it will have to continue. But, for the first time I am looking at the possibility of a new family that will know me as I really am right from the start. Thank you so much for allowing me to talk to you...I feel like I just gained new brothers and sisters.
Still havng some trouble posting messages...I'll get it figured out! To all who have so kindly written to my since yesterday...some I had trouble sending a message direct to you as I'm new (happydavid I did try to post to you and there is a "general" wall-type post out there somewhere that was a response to you - if you don't find it, please stay in touch with me and in two weeks I know I'll be able to talk more freely with you) As I was about to say...Christmas 2014 was the best gift I may have ever received. In 24 short hours I have gone from despair, through hope, to the sure knowledge that, tho the road will yet be tough, I can now see that there is a road. And just as importantly, There are those who live along that road that will help me. A mere 24 hours ago I felt that there was no help and no hope but to endure for the rest of my life so that I could protect my family. Now I think I may be able to protect them and find piece of mind for myself as well. I felt so trapped...unable to go on as I had been, unable to tell anyone that I know or in my family, and I would not ever consider harming myself as a way out - that would have only accomplished hurting my family even more. I have said thank you so many times since yesterday, and yet no number will ever be enough. You have shown me kindness, love and a way to live that does not leave me in agony everyday and especially every tear-filled night. I hope I can soon write with a little less emotion, but it's only been one day after 50 years...give me some time....now I now I'll make it.
