i honestly dont know how this happened. I was just reading a facebook post about a person with scars on their legs and a 6 year old kid noticing them. but when i read the word "scars" it made me feel like cutting again. i have scars on my thighs (totally of 12) because of the pain of unrequited love (go ahead and judge me). i was just doing so fine for the past few months not doing it, until i read that word. there is a knot in my throat right now because i dont want to do this... thing again. im slightly shaking and in fear i might go back down that road. i already almost got sent out after my family knew about my self-harm. im just so scared that i found something that triggers me... :tears: :tears: :help: :help:
we would never judge you dude, just try and breath, relax and take your mind off of it, we could if that might help
No judgement from me Matthew. When you have a relationship with self harm I know how difficult it is to turn your back on it. It's very addictive and many people don't understand that it's actually a coping mechanism (albeit a destructive one) when your emotions are running out of control. I'm really pleased you have paused to write how you are feeling. Is the urge to cut still really strong? Say more, if you can.
the first month without doing it was very difficult because of my family (before they found out). as time went by, the urge was very weak and was becoming nonexistent. but everything just went downhill just because of one single, small word. :bang: since reading the word, my body craves the pain... :tears:
So, can you say what it was that helped the urges to subside in the past? Did you manage to find an alternative way - a way of distracting you from the thoughts and coping, and can you try that again now? You just need to find a way to get through this moment Matthew. It's okay to not feel strong and nobody is judging you. Try to turn your attention to coping instead of the trigger word.
i did a bunch of crafting with rubber bands to keep my mind clear. and listening to music, especially Lindsey Stirling (song below), to help me cope. i was about to continue my scarf on a loom i got for christmas after a few minutes on facebook, then {BAM} that would triggered me. tbh, im not really good with coping at anything.
It's okay, you don't have to be good at coping. Just give yourself something/anything to do for a while to try to take your mind off the trigger word. Listen to the song again a few times and do the scarf. Bear in mind that 30 minutes has already passed since your posted about it on here, so you have already held out for that long. I think that's pretty good Matthew, considering the pressure you have been under. Give yourself some credit for that.. and for sharing it. Keep talking if you need to.
If it is the word that is affecting you, then a thing you could do which will require a lot of will-power but could work, is to expose yourself to the word as much as possible but hold back from actually doing it, this way the word may start to affect you less and less. Just, if you do decide to do this, stay as strong as possible throughout it, which i'm sure you are strong enough to do anyway! ^.^
