Can someone help me explain why "lesbo" is offensive?

Okay, so normally I do not get into stupid arguments on the internet, but when I come across someone using a word that they may not know is offensive/inappropriate, I politely tell them that the language they are using is oppressive, a slur, etc etc POLITELY, and move on.

However, I have been trying to explain to this guy for over 2 weeks now how the term 'lesbo' is offensive, in basically every case, including the way in which he used it (It was on an LGBT Youtube video, in the comments). At every turn he has argued with me about the definition of slur, and how since HE (a male, unknown color but I'm assuming straight by his other comments) doesn't think the term is offensive ("It is a fact!"), it isn't.

I don't know why I can't let this go. I feel like I have explained it 6 ways from Sunday, but because he's not an overtly hateful troll, just misinformed, that maybe juuuust maybe I could open/ change his mind and help him realize how he should be treating people.

I know I can't post the direct YT link since it would be quite obvious who I am, and it links to my GM, FB, etc, so if you are just really bored, here are the comments, with names changed. Also, trigger warning. I do use racial and other sexual slurs, to make an attempt at comparing those words (which he never says he finds offensive either...) and there is some slight cussing. I apologize for the harsh language, but I felt there was no other way to get him to understand, since I had explaining in numerous ways, and was hoping comparing those words would make him understand (and yes, to grab other's attention, I was really hoping the other commenters would stand up and support me in this). I have not changed anything except names and some of the dates/ times got removed in my editing. if you would like to see the original video/ comment, message me and I will get it to you.

<First commenter>
Dec 12, 2014
Gay is a category/label just lick straight is. And it's not one we fit into. Bi fits into what we feel for both genders. If you wanna use the word "queer" then yes, that's acceptable as just about everything on the sexuality spectrum fits into that definition (including straight, sorry).

<Ignorant Guy>
Dec 12, 2014
I didn't really understand any of that, haha.

<Other commenter 2>
Dec 13, 2014
Actually the umbrella term is queer. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexual, asexuals, etc. are all defined under the umbrella term queer. Gay means specifically homosexual, and is more widely used for homosexual men.

<Comm 3>
Dec 14, 2014
Wow <Ignorant Guy>, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule with your status as an important scholar on human issues... we are blessed. I agree with your hairsplitting analogy but I have always been like this and I can honestly say since you re homophobic, all you have to tell a gay guy if he hits on you is that you are bisexual... VOILA

<Comm 2>
Dec 14, 2014
He doesn't sound homophobic to me, he's just misinformed, confusing the words gay and queer.

<Me>
Dec 16, 2014
Gay means homosexual, regardless of gender. Lesbian (lesbo is a slur, please refrain from using it in the future) means a homosexual woman. Queer IS an umbrella term, as <OP> said but it does NOT include straight. Queer means basically any non-straight person.

<Comm 3>
Dec 16, 2014
A type of gay person who likes more than one gender? If only we had another word for that...

<Ignorant Guy>
Dec 16, 2014
...

<Comm 4>
Dec 22, 2014


+<Ignorant Guy>, When your opening comment contains an ableist slur and a gay slur, please don't expect people to be very charitable to you. Traditionally the word "gay" means attraction to the same gender. Not everyone fits that category, so we created new words to describe these categories more accurately. It really isn't rocket science.

<Ig Guy>
Dec 22, 2014

they way i fxcking type it should make no fxcking difference, look up the actual def. of the word you retard. no shit not everyone fits into the category thats not what i said

i am aware that lesbo is a slur, however there is nothing wrong with slurs unless you are using it in a formal situation, the word still has the same meaning

<Me>
Dec 24, 2014
So it's okay if call a black person a nigger, if I was using it to mean a lazy person, which is the literal definition? Wow, how about no. A slur (by definiton) is an inappropriate and prejudicial word used to denigrate someone. So by THAT definition, a slur is always wrong/ hateful. Fucking jack-ass.


<Ig G>
Sorry, wrong, you used the wrong definition of the word "slur" for this situation, you over-exaggerated and under-exaggerated the definition, and combined it with another definition. Whoa, haha. The two definitions you used to do this should actually be used like this: 1st def. "Grading homework is a slur on the teacher" and the 2nd def. "David slurs the words whats and up together to wussup". Slurs in the correct definition for this situation are not derogatory. It means "by defintion": To garble and mis-use a single word... "Fucking jack-ass".


<Me>
Dec 25, 2014
No, the way I originally used the word was "an insinuation or allegation about someone that is likely to insult them or damage their reputation." Nigger, kyke, and chink are racial slurs. Lesbo, dyke, and fag are slurs related to someone's orientation. That definition is quite clear using context. But let's just ignore the definition. "Lesbo" is extremely offensive and is extremely hateful. So please don't use it. Simple.


<Ig Guy>
Dec 25, 2014
I don't think you got what I was saying. That "definition" doesn't exist. It is a false definition that is not accurate. You can't trust B.S. definitions/dictionary.. actually you probably just made that up.


<Me>
Dec 25, 2014
That definition of slur could be found in most dictionaries, and is a very "common knowledge" definition. But again, let's just ignore what the definition of slur is. The point is, "lesbo" is offensive, inappropriate, and derogatory. Please don't use it. End of discussion.

<Ig G>
Dec 26, 2014
You know what? You're right. Let's just ignore the whole fxcking definition, cut through this bullshxt right to the "common knowledge". As you said "lesbo is offensive, inappropriate, and derogatory".. well, it isn't. That's like saying that having a nick-name is offensive, inappropriate and derogatory.. or that abbreviating is offensive, inappropriate, and derogatory, simply because they modify the name/word to a more likable term. No definitions or anything but misinformed idiots would say that "lesbo" is a derogatory word.. because it isn't! It shouldn't be used in that manner and I honestly think you are smart enough to know that. I don't think you are saying it just to say your right. I don't think you're saying it because your religion tells you too, you seem smarter then that. I think you're saying it because you're homophobic. I also don't think you will admit it, however those last 5 sentences are just my personnel guesses/opinions. On another topic, I wish you and whoever reads this today a Merry Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever the fxck you celebrate.

Whoa I didn't realize I typed that long of a paragraph. xD

I didn't realize either how great commenters are at twisting what people say to fit their own fxcked up imagination. xD


<Me>
What the FUCKING FUCK are you talking about? Will someone, for the love of all things intelligent, back me up on this. Unless you are a gay person (or a very close ally) talking to a lesbian that you actually know and consider a friend, and use it in a joking way, the term 'lesbo' is NOT OKAY. It is not okay to address all lesbians as 'lesbos'. IT IS OFFENSIVE. How you think I'M homophobic makes no sense whatsoever. Everything I have said is in support of non-abusive languages to us gay people. You have got to be the stupidest fucking shit stain I've ever come across. Look up the definition of 'lesbo' in any online dictionary. Yes, they are written by the common person. But damn near all of them are going to say that lesbo is a derogatory term. BECAUSE IT IS. Unless you are a lesbian and you are saying YOU PERSONALLY do not find it offensive, you have no leg to stand on. being a queer women, and knowing plenty of other queer women, 99% of the time that word is used toward use, it is derogatory, and would agree that the way you nonchalantly threw it out is offensive, or at LEAST insensitive.


<Ig G>
Okay, you really don't seem to understand. I will quickly try to explain one last time, but after that I'm simply not going to respond to you unless you come up with legitimate reasoning. The term lesbo is not offensive. That is not my opinion, it is a fact. I can say that I find the word "apple" is offensive, but that doesn't make it true, it would make me stupid because the word apple is not meant to be used as an offensive word. It really is as simple as that. *hopeless facepalm

<Me>
Okay then. I guess I can then just say nigger isn't offensive. I shall now start going around calling every black person I see a nigger,. and they CAN'T be offended, because a white person (me) said it isn't. That is the logic you are using. Which is obviously completely incorrect. Also, kyke and daygo, also not offensive. Or retard. SMDH.


<Ig G>
I recommend you re-read that again, you literally are saying that I said the opposite of what I actually said. Kyke is an offensive word. The only way I have heard the term "daygo" used is as a slur for San-Diego, so that would not be an offensive word unless for some odd reason you find something offending about San-Diego. Retard is not an offensive word. I think I understand what you are trying to say: Even if a word isn't derogatory it can still be used in a derogatory manner. Retard is not derogatory but if I make fun of someone because they are a retard or if I call somebody that isn't a retard, a retard, then of course they can take offense. Correct me if I'm wrong.

<Me>
Yes, obviously I am not getting what you are saying and vice versa. So let me start over. A term is deemed offensive by the group that is it is used against. Lesbians find the term 'lesbo' derogatory, therefore, it is. You are a male, and not a lesbian, ergo, you cannot deem a word directed at lesbians non-offensive because it isn't aimed at you. And the term 'retard' actually is also offensive (not because I say it is, but because mentally retarded/ challenged people have said so). If you are referring to a person who is mentally retarded, that's fine. But calling someone a retard, regardless of their actual mental capacity, is offensive. Both lesbo and retard reduce a person down to a noun, saying that person is this thing, and only this thing. It's dehumanizing. Describing someone as being something using adjectives is generally okay. For other examples: You wouldn't say "that cripple" or "that tranny". You would say a person with a disability, or a transgender person. Does that make more sense now?

<Ig G>
Yes, but you are still saying that the actual words are derogatory but explaining it as if they are only used in a derogatory manner. Which is what I'm trying to say.

<Me>
The way in which you used it was derogatory, yes. You reduced a whole group of people down to one word. The only acceptable use of the word would be in a joking way to someone who you knew in person, and would not be offended and take it in a joking way. But you weren't addressing a friend, you were referring to a whole group of people. Ergo, it was derogatory.


<Ig G>
Okay, I'm done, you are re-stating the same thing over and over again and it doesn't fucking make sense. You are basically saying that if I call a group of friends a term like "buddies" then it is automatically offensive just because I used a slur?! Wtf

<Me>
I'm re-stating because you aren't understanding what I am explaining. Your "buddies" example make NO SENSE. We are talking about a marginalized group of people. Buddies is not a slur because it is not derogatory. Maybe you should go look up what that means. Nor do you understand what marginalized or slur means. So of course you don't understand what I mean, you literally have no concept of the words I am using. So O will try one last time, since you only understand comparisons. Nigger is offensive to black people because society, at one point in time, treated them as less than human, and to this day, only people who are extremely prejudice and ignorant use that word to describe a black person. It used to be widely used, but it now unacceptable because BLACK PEOPLE SAID SO. White people cannot say the word is not offensive. Thusly, Lesbo is offensive to lesbians (and women perceived as such) because religion, and society at large, has told them that they are "less than" heterosexuals, and are harassed, discriminated against, and belittled. The word used to be used to describe lesbians, but as the LGBT community has begun to fight back against this unfair treatment, lesbains have said "lesbo" is offensive, derogatory, a slur, inappropriate, etc etc. You cannot, as a man, come in and say that word is not offensive. You are not a lesbian. That's not how this works.

So, if you happened to read or even skim that, thank you. I have no interest in law or politics, and I feel that helping people see how/ why words are just as oppressive as actions, we can slowly change the way that LGBT/ MOGAI people are viewed and treated.

Is there any other way to explain my thoughts? My only other idea was to find a blog or article about how/ why 'lesbo' is offensive but they are almost all crappily written/ answered Yahoo Answers post by obviously young people. : /