Once again I am struggling with religion. I feel terribly guilty for not maintaining a strong connection with God but religion confuses me. I used to be a baptist Christian but I started to dislike the people at my church two years ago (My youth group was a mess, the preacher quit, and nobodys actions made any sense) so I left it without warning. Another reason for leaving is because my father wanted to watch movies with me on Sundays and I hardly ever got to spend time with him. The final, and most obvious, reason is that I had just started to understand my sexuality and didn't feel comfortable at church. The adults would say things like "I can't believe people would protest gay rights as if it was a normal lifestyle!" After leaving the church I realized how tricky religion is. As a child it was simply "Love Jesus and you'll go to heaven, don't listen to the devil" but Christianity is far more complicated. I don't see how I can trust an ancient book retranslated numerous times and rewritten into at least 20 variations. My church held an event on why the Bible was real but it was just 30 minutes of "The Bible is real because it says so!" Each religion has people just as faithful as Christianity, so who is right? It confuses me! Even worse, religion in general is the primary cause of discrimination and war! Yet, I want to love Jesus. I want to be a better person and to have faith! But I don't trust Christianity...
Sometimes we place too much emphasis on the Bible and other documents of scripture at the expense of a personal relationship with God (however you imagine God to be). We get so caught up in the finer details of the word and the erroneous teachings of institutions like the Church, and its leaders, that we lose sight of the most important thing of all - our own, personal relationship and faith journey. I happen to think this is the most important thing of all and it doesn't require strict adherence to word or dogma. What do you think?
I too have been all over the map with religious beliefs for reasons similar to what you describe. My conclusion is that it is actually a very complicated subject and when dealing with others, it is always best to bring along a heavy dose of compassion. Always remember that even though there are a lot of evil acts in this world, there are very few actual evil people. People are basically good, but everything they do has context. Context can lead to some pretty irrational and even cruel behavior sometimes, but it is also really important have context because it provides the basis for a belief system that we all need to have to survive. In fact, we feel so strongly about our beliefs that it is usually difficult for most of us to accept just how much they can be shaped by our personal experiences. This explains why it takes so much time to change religious based belief systems, even though they are challenged by the real world experiences of their followers all the time. But if you study religion the first thing you realize is that religious beliefs are constantly evolving, all the time and in every religion. So, it seems to me the challenge to those like yourself who are blessed with real world insights, is to add your voice to the voice of change that will eventually make the world a better place.
Christianity is a complex subject. You have to separate it from organized religion to really understand it. What I mean organized religion is what a church believes about the bible and there are many different beliefs so that why I stay away from organized religion. There are not many beliefs in God's eyes. God does not want one church saying this and one church saying this. There is one truth, one way, and one bible. The truth about the bible is that is was originally written in another language and rewritten into English. If you read the original bible there is nothing that condemns homosexuality but again it is in another language so you really have to look closely at it. Despite all this research support gay christians the bottom line is we are born this way and god would never condemn the way someone is born. Also Jesus did not die on the cross for nothing. He did it so we would be saved and he loved us so much. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
You can be a Christian while not agreeing with organized religion. Having your own personal beliefs about Jesus and spirituality while not believing in the Bible or the Church is okay.
I go to cowboy church. (The only Goth there) Sure I have to tone it down a bit and i don't mind. You go in casual clothes and there is snacks. Its in the evening in a barn. Its chirstan but of no denomination. The band plays music and between songs the "Pastor" may say a sentence or two about something. He does not say what is right or wrong, he just says that is between you and God because what God wants Bob to do is different than what God wants Cindy to do. So just have love and follow the ten commandments as best you can. He also says "Leave religion at the door!" If you like to play an instrument you could even join the band. You should look around and see if there is something like that in your area. I used to go to this real big church that is interdemoninational. A band plays rock music and the pastor will talk about a topic like love. But you can be any classification of religion to be there. You don't have to believe the main stream stuff.
Religion is a very trick subject. And it can feel stifling when you are surrounded by people who are very righteous, dogmatic, and use religion for the wrong reasons. At the core of all religions is the belief that every one is connected somehow and that people should be treated with respect and kindness. Today I think many religions, the extremist sides of them particularly, have forgotten this. Or they know it, but they place grater importance discriminating against others who don't conform to their narrow minded view of an, as you said, "ancient text." But wasn't it Jesus, the man who Christianity is founded off of, who said, "he who is without sin cast the first stone." So my advice would be if you want to believe in Christianity, but are having a hard time because of the narrow-minded, conservative, and discriminating view of some Christians have, take a minute to remember that the basis of Christianity is following Jesus's teachings of loving others. Not finding obscure passages in old texts and using that to place judgement on others. But if you don't want to believe, thats fine too. I'm actually an atheist. (went to catholic high school though) Currently I have a wacky theory in the making about a link between consciousness and that some energy that we have yet to understand (maybe dark energy) coagulates and results in the creation of "uni"verses in the multiverse system. Thats how I make sense of the origin of the universe. What ever you want to believe is up to you, just remember that religion, especially Christianity, is more about love in action than it is about people finding obscure passages in the Bible in and using that as a way of judging others to make themselves feel better.
The church for me was basically training wheels on religion. It's good for if you need direction in your faith, but for someone who connects with God without its external structure, it only limits you in the end.
Nothing should stop you from creating the approach to truth that suits you. Your path is not anyone else's, and organized religions that expect the same path to work for everyone are not being realistic. Growing into your own belief is a personal journey, so don't let others' verdicts, whether they come from people in your life or a holy book, keep you from forming your own outlook.
