So I really don't where to start. Background, that's probably a good place. I grew up in a christian family, but a very liberal one. I, myself, don't believe anymore. I've believed, for most of my life, that I was straight. That being said, social relationships of any kind aren't my strong suit. I was incredibly shy growing up and making friends was hard. I had a very small group of close friends. In fact I didn't even a friend that was a girl until I was 18. They seemed weird and otherwordly for a long time. Anyway, at 18 one of my friends introduces me to this friend of his and she talks to me for whatever reason. Isn't weirded out by my awkward shyness and lack of conversation skills. I can genuinely say she was a turning point in my life. I became more and more outgoing from then on. Not long after meeting her I got my first girlfriend and the rest is history. I REALLY like girls, I know that much. So, flash forward about six years. I went to college for a while. Loved it, but couldn't take it seriously and was working various part time jobs. My last girlfriend was about three years ago. She kinda hurt me. Anyway, no girlfriend, can't take school seriously, working crap jobs. I need a change. So I join the Marines. Solves one of my problems (two actually, the military gives you very good education and they make sure you take it seriously). So I've got a good job. My career is just starting. I've got some money for the first time in my life and freedom (forgot to mention when I was going to college it was a university in the major city I lived on the outskirts of, so I was living with my parents). I never really had gay thoughts. I'd been curious before, as I'm sure many are. "Could I be gay?" I quickly quelled these thoughts with assurances like the fact that I'd never had a gay fantasy. I'd always been supportive of the LGBT agenda. But I just thought I was straight. Lately though I've revisited that curiosity. The idea of a gay lover was never revolting, it just didn't seem like me. But as I dwell on it these days the idea starts to excite me. I think about it more and more. Here's what I think. Due to societal pressures and a christian upbringing it was easy to go with the norm of being straight. I know I like girls, there was nothing wrong with that. So I was content to be straight, happy even. Now that I'm on my own though, my own money, responsible for myself, room to be myself, room for exploration, and I think about these things . . . I think I just didn't want to disappoint my parents or be even more of a social pariah than I was my public schooling years. I'll admit one thing making me hesitant is that my level of physical attraction to women is definitely still high than my attraction to men. And I'm on a dry spell going for three years now (mostly voluntary, I've had better stuff to focus on than a relationship). I don't know if this is desperation I'm feeling or something real. When I imagine being with a guy it's mostly the desire to have someone to kiss and hold and share things with. Sex is a little harder to imagine, but everything about it is a little hard to imagine and I chalk that up to lack of first-hand experience. I want to explore these feelings, to find out if they're real. I'm just not sure where to start. I don't want to lead some poor guy along with my exploration only to find out I'm not really bi and then just sort of be like "sorry!" Even so, I don't have a lot of room for a relationship in my life right now (beginnings of a military career demand a lot of time). So, ya, it's just a lot of uncertainty in a time when I feel like I have the freedom to do some exploring but maybe don't. I guess it's worth mentioning that I'm a furry and some of the curiosity is fueled by that community. Almost as much gay and bi content in that community as there is straight content.
So, for starters, Thank you for your service Second, you seem like a very together sort of guy who's given this some thought, so some of the below will probably be stuff you already know/have thought of. Apologies in advance, and please feel free to skip those parts. So, you may already know this, but I've been surprised how many guys don't, so... Straights seem to largely boil 'sex' down into two categories: Foreplay and penetration. As such, lots of guys who are questioning or otherwise new to the idea of sex with another guy think that sex between two guys works the same way (gay porn also fosters this perception) and may be somewhat...apprehensive...about getting with a guy because they think that means they will be expected to penetrate another guy or (perhaps more discomfiting for some) be penetrated by another guy. In practice, things are generally a bit different in this area. Gay/bi men can (and often do) take a much broader approach to this. While not everyone feels the same way about it, a lot of guys view any mutually pleasurable activity where orgasm is a possibility or a goal to count as 'real sex'. So that means that you could potentially do all kinds of things (body contact/rubbing against each other, masturbating in each others presence, mutual masturbation, oral, etc.) without ever engaging in penetration and it will still be considered sex. A fair chunk of non-straight guys aren't actually into anal to varying degrees (from 'well, if you really want to' to 'Hell will freeze before I do that!') and even among those who are, most aren't going to consider it a deal breaker if you don't want to do it. Plenty of other fun stuff to do after all Kissing and holding and cuddling is something that most(?) guys like, although there will be exceptions. Some guys will even consider a lack of these things to be a deal breaker, so odds are good you'll find plenty of guys to do that with. The point being here that, if you haven't already, you might think about what sort of activities you think you'd like to try, which ones you don't (or don't feel ready for to start) so you can communicate that to a potential partner up front. More on that below... Getting back to the penetration thing for just a moment: If that is something you are curious about or would like to try, consider going on Amazon (customer reviews - always read them) and investing in a couple of toys, maybe a prostate massager and later a dildo if you like what the massager does for you. This sort of thing can give you some practice (at your own pace and in private) with what penetration feels like, first on general principles and then with something sized like a penis. If you already have experience with what it feels like to be penetrated as part of masturbating, and have enjoyed it, then having a guy do it to you may be rather less stressful (and relaxation is key to this sort of thing). Note that it will probably feel a bit different when someone else is doing it because you aren't getting the instant feedback that comes with doing something to yourself. Always be sure to get a toy that has a flange or shape that prevents it from being pulled all the way inside - you really don't want that trip to the ER. And you can never use too much lube. Anyway. In terms of not leading a guy on (and, at least initially wanting to just test the waters, and not a lot of time for a relationship), my first thought is that you might see about finding a friends with benefits (FWB) situation or maybe a fuckbuddy. FWB = a friend or associate who you do friends stuff with but also have sex with fuckbuddy = a guy you get together with for NSA sex whenever you both feel the urge and have the time. You may or may not socialize with each other outside of having sex and you may or may not be exclusive with each other. If you later decide that you would like to have a more serious relationship that goes beyond the sexual then you may move on to finding someone who you can make a romantic/emotional connection with as well as a physical one and discontinuing the FWB/fuckbuddy relationship as a result. Or sometimes, a FWB or fuckbuddy arrangement may evolve into something more romantic/emotional if both parties develop feelings for each other and want it to go that way. As far as getting into one of these, or any other kind of sexual relationship, you might look at a dating site or personals ads vs apps (I'll admit I'm not familiar with how the apps work, as my single days predate them). Basically something that lets you create a profile and list what you're looking for and are/are not into and let's you filter through the responses for people that sound interesting/attractive to you. As part of that, my advice would be to be very honest and matter-of-fact about what you're looking for (bi-curious/wanting to experiment with a good teacher basically), your experience level (none at this point), and what you are and aren't into (refer back to my earlier mention of all the things that can be defined as 'sex' between two men). And then see who replies. If/when you do find someone with potential for what you're looking for, make sure to meet them in a public place first and talk to them a bit to both get a read off them and see if you find them attractive (and vice-versa). If something doesn't feel right about them, or it turns out they aren't your type after all, don't be afraid to end things right there (politely of course) and move on. And of course, they will probably be sizing you up as well and deciding if they are comfortable taking things any further. If the answer is no, don't take it personal. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Regarding the furry bit - you might also look into the furry online communities aimed at adults/dating/sex (I'm assuming such exist) and see what you find there. Combining something you already enjoy with exploring your sexuality might make both more enjoyable for you or make you more relaxed or both. Hope this helps and best of luck to you. Todd
