I'm 22. Before I met my ex, I had never been kissed and had only been on one (horrific) blind date with a girl that an old friend set me up with. Our relationship was long distance. We met online by chance and slowly fell in love after skyping night after night. We flew back and forth three separate occasions over the eight months that we were together. We were sexually active, and I was so happy. I even came out to my immediate family. A few weeks after our latest visit, she started pulling away. Ultimately it led to our breaking up. She said that as much as she loved me, and as much as she was in love with me, she was so confused about where she was going in her life and was stressed out that we wouldn't end up working. We've had several fights since and now we aren't talking at all. She was my best friend, and I feel so empty without her. I've tried signing up for a dating site and talking to other people. Only one person have I continued to talk with off the site, but we haven't met, and quite honestly, I feel like I'm cheating on my ex. Everything with this new girl is extremely platonic but I'm afraid to take it to the next level or ask her out on a date, because it almost feels unfair, because I'm so in love with someone else. It has been two months and it hurts as much as it did in the beginning. It only makes it worse that we've had no closure because we are so far away, and because we both know that we are in love with each other. Everyone says that to get over someone is to move on, but I don't feel like it's fair to the person I may date. But at the same time, I want to move on. I want to be happy. I feel so miserable all of the time. I know this isn't just a lesbian thing. People break up all the time. But this was my first relationship and it made me so much happier about myself and made me feel good about my sexuality and who I was, and now I'm back to being scared again, even though my parents know now.
Breakups are always terrible, whether they're your first or your fiftieth. I'm sorry. (*hug*) If you don't feel like dating anyone right now, then don't! Getting with someone new isn't the only way to move on; being comfortable being without a partner is a kind of moving on too. I personally can't get into another relationship, & not have it go terribly wrong, without first having gotten over my previous one. For now, just work on feeling good about yourself & becoming the sort of person you'd want to be with. (Happy relationships are built on the foundation of two happy people.) But don't feel pressured to feel all better right this minute, it's only been two months! Be gentle with yourself, respect your heart & the process it's going through. Heartbreak is terrible, but it is beautiful in a way because it means that you really cared about someone.
I'm afraid that now that I have dated someone, that I am going to be one of those people that can't stand to be single. Even though we were long distance, I was so happy to be with someone... and that's not the only reason this break up is so hard. I really do love her But it was also nice to have someone and be able to imagine our future and being able to share things with someone. Having her made me feel like I was actually wanted and needed and a part of something. I'm worried that not having dated someone during my teen years and being such a late "dating/relatioship bloomer" that I don't have the experience that I need to have good and healthy relationships. There's also just not a huge gay community in my area. I live in the North but my community is not very accepting. Recently my own city (that I've lived in my entire life) passed discrimination laws. I know that I want to move and travel outside of this area, but right now it feels completely hopeless that I'll ever find someone to be with and to love, because there just isn't an LGBT community close to me. ---------- Post added 5th Jan 2015 at 04:02 PM ---------- I also just really want more gay friends, more lesbian friends, just because it feels more... I mean, I feel more of a community now that I am very out, but most of my lesbian friends live out of state. Does that make sense? That feeling of closeness when you have that same thing in common? I don't know if that is normal. Ever since I came out to my family and I've been able to be more open about who I am, I've felt even more of a draw to the LGBTQ community.
