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Singlehood and my future

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Sapphire, Jan 5, 2015.

  1. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    So, I'm 21 and I have always been single. I guess there are a few reasons for this, first of all I only came out two years ago, and I also have mild social anxiety, which causes me to over think everything and often blame myself for all my shortcomings (I'm working on that, making progress). Also, I just kind of went crazy after I came out and started sleeping with like everyone, and even though I've slowed down I'm still not used to talking to guys who don't just want to hook up... I don't really know what to say to guys who take me seriously actually, it kind of scares me for that reason.

    So, I have a pretty good idea of why I've always been single, but I do have a few things going for me though. I am attractive and I do not take that for granted, and my friends especially this year have praised me for my personality, but the circumstances aren't exactly the best for starting anything right now; I've been very mobile over the past few years and I will most likely continue to move around over the next 5 to 10 years, which makes it pretty hard to connect with people on a deep level at all.

    This is a very weird time for me, my feelings about this tend to contradict themselves; I've always wanted to be in a relationship but I'm not sure if I would be happy in one right now. I'm not sure if I just like the idea of being in a relationship more than actually being in one, and I'm not really unhappy being single, but the fact that I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship bothers me more than I'm proud to admit, and given the circumstances I can't say when it will ever happen...

    Despite that, I guess I'm on good terms with my singleness for now, as life has been treating me generally well as of late, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, is this normal? Is it normal for a gay guy my age to have never been in a relationship before? Am I gonna be alright in the long-run? Will I someday look back and have all the answers and self-guidance that I wish I had now? Some people never do, which is why I worry...

    I guess that sums it up. Sorry that was a little long, just wanted to make sure it was accurate as possible. Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
  2. SecretColor

    Full Member

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    From St. Louis, MO; go to school in Philly
    First off, don't think about being single at 21 as normal or not normal. Everyone has their first relationship at some point; some have it before 21, others at 21, others after 21. Especially in college, most guys aren't looking for a relationship, and the ones that do happen don't always last that long. Focus more on school for now and chances are things will improve.

    For what it's worth, I'm 22 and have also never been in a relationship and also have social anxiety, to the point where I feel really really uncomfortable at gay bars because I feel like all the guys there are judging me - which is silly; even I'm not that important :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. It bothers me sometimes, partially because I'm not even sure about my own feelings anymore for reasons similar to what you said. Just gotta keep on going though. And whatever you're feeling about all this, it is valid :slight_smile: