How did you enter the gay community..from a straight one

I guess I sort of plunged in, so maybe this won't be helpful. I went to a Pride Parade. I watched the parade and thought it was amazing, so much love and joy and I really wanted to be part of that community. But I didn't even talk to anyone--everyone was there with people and when you really come down to it it's sort of something you more watch than do, especially if you are alone. So I decided I had to meet someone that day so I could feel part of all of this. I went to the bar along the parade route that seemed to have the most people headed into it--as it turns out all these many years and bars later it's still one of the largest gay bars I've ever been in. And I just gritted my teeth and walked up to people and told them I'd just been to the parade for the first time. People were excited for me and wanted to know what I thought. When they found out that not only had I not been to the parade before, but I'd never been to a gay bar before--and was from Utah no less--I became a bit of a curiosity. I got introduced around the bar rather enthusiastically. I probably talked to at least a hundred people that afternoon--and I kind of fell in with a group of guys (around twenty of them). That group of guys turned out to be my sort of starter group of gay friends. We did everything together for years and they kind of showed me the ropes. I'm still friends with most of them over twenty years later.

I guess my experience may not be easily replicated. But I would just say to go somewhere where you know people will be gay--gay bars are an obvious one but also I did volunteer work with gay charities for a while and ran a gay book group for a while--and just make a point of talking to people. Don't try to hook up or anything (in fact I would suggest that for your first few outings you set the boundary in advance that you won't do anything sexual even should the opportunity arise), really just talk to people--just tell them you're new, tell them you're uncomfortable, tell them you're not sure what to do or how to act... Oh, and I would really say you should try doing it sober if at all possible--I drank Coke for my first year or so in gay bars. Good luck!!

 

I refrain from entering either one.

 

I joined a now defunct gay chatroom and got to know a great bunch over a month or 2, they were organising a night out not far - I bit the bullet and and went, made some great friends and then my journey continued form there

 

I tried to, still trying to find my place in the LGBT community. There's a club on campus that I used to go to but I realized that it's full of back-stabbers, but maybe I'll give it a second chance when I go back in a few weeks, just take the gossip with a grain of salt and become friends with the unpopular ones. Mind you "unpopular" because they're not cute or they're too "straight-acting", that's really all it boils down to as far as I've learned. Honestly, assimilating to the gay community isn't that simple, unless you're a very particular type of person, but don't let my jaded ass discourage you, there are probably nicer gay guys where you live (my college is supposedly one of the gayest in the state, which in theory should make it easier but there are a lot of expectations of gay guys to "fit in"). Also given your age they might be less catty. Good luck!

 

I've been trying to figure this out, too. I will probably first attend a PFLAG meeting and see how that goes. There are meetups in my area, too, but like you I'm not sure I'm ready to just dive right in yet.

OGS, thanks for sharing your experience. I've been embarrassed that I'm only coming out at my age now, and not sure how it'll be received by the gay/lesbian community. Your post has given me some reassurance that there will hopefully be people out there who are understanding and get it.