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Rather depressed...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by arkangel, Jan 9, 2015.

  1. arkangel

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    I have recently felt quite depressed. I just want to go away. I really could use a pick me up from my friends, my brothers and sisters here....

    If I dissapeared
    If I vanished here and now
    Would anyone know
     
  2. bingostring

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    yes, "wanting to go away" … do you mean, like, escape fantasy?
    maybe you have a lot stressing you out

    just diminishing one of your stresses will lift you up
    maybe one or two things you could discuss here?
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Short answer. Yes. We would know and we would notice because you have done a very positive thing in alerting us to your feelings and the struggle you are going through. When we are in a really low place it's so important to keep the lines of communication open (even if it's a struggle) and vent and share your feelings. If you bottle it up, it worsens the outlook.

    You said you've recently been depressed. How long, would you say? Was there anything in particular that seemed to trigger these feelings? Tell us, if you can.

    Arkangel, you said "I just want to go away"... can you say what you mean by "going away"?

    The signature line to your posting is very pertinent to your own feelings right now. Good advice for yourself.
     
  4. Images and Words

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    Damn, you're so smart. I don't think I've seen a post where you haven't made me feel enlightened!
     
  5. Monraffe

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    I agree, PatrickUK has the best posts.
     
  6. arkangel

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    Just recently as in the past few days. And by go away, I meant anything, getting away fron it all no matter the cost. (red flag, I know. That's why I'm here.) It seems to me like it is seasonal depression, every winter I get real down. Hell, last winter I tried to commit suicide, but that winter had a LOT more involved. Me realizing ny sexuality, me realizing my crush was straight, me coming out to people, desperation issues, letting go of my girlfriend at the time... But still it may be seasonal depression. I believe part if ny anger stems from my dad. I love both of my parents dearly, but we go at each other a lot. He gets in my nerves quite a bit. HHedorsnt kniw what no means, and he refuses to believe if he has a problem and me and my mother both point it out. It infuriates Me. I am under a lot of stress too. I want to get a job, I want to plan for college (I took a year off), I want to go to the gym to lose all this weight, I want ny hair to stop falling out because apparently I gave male pattern baldness at 19. .. I worry for ny upcoming dentist trip because I need a root canal... I have nightmares every night of me nit being accepted by my friends, blood falling from the sky and just plain scary shit and I wake up in tears because I feel so alone in this forsaken world that I would rather just die and be over with it. I go ti bed afraid of what is to come, I had to bring out ny old stuffed animals to help me get to sleep. I look out the window at this world of ours and iI see people going about their lives, no idea of the everlasting mental struggle I go through every waking minute of my life and I suffer in pain, in silence. I do not accept myself. My sexuality. I don't accept it, and night matter how much I try to tell myself I am okay, I am a good person, god is here for you, I can't believe it. I have night self esteem whatsoever. The ritualistic routine of my life every day is a never ending uphill Battle if mE hating everything I am and everything I do because I believe I am Not worth the dirt I stand on.... All my life I was put down by other kids in my neighborhood. I was the nerd, the fat asthmatic kid that everyone laughed at. I was bullied, I was jumped, the police were involved ans it resolved nothing. The psychological attacks made me feel nit worthless. But less than that. To crown it all, the only person I have ever felt romatic feelings for, I will never know the sweet agonizingly taunting sensation of a lovers kiss. A sweet moment of a warn embrace. The sensual feeling of holding their hahand. Why? Because they are straight, I an a male... Is god laughing at my pain? Am I worth the dirt I stand on?

    If I Disappeared,
    If I vanished here and now,
    Would anyone know?
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    If the depression has a seasonal aspect to it you may consider investing in a lamp/light-box for people with seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D). It's a drug free (non-medical) way of getting through the most depressing months of winter, but it's not a permanent fix for recurring symptoms. If your mood remains flat and you are really struggling to cope with all of those underlying issues, it might be worth considering therapy. CBT is known to deliver good results for people with S.A.D (if indeed that is the diagnosis) and a mild anti-depressant may be prescribed. Medication should be a later consideration though. How would you feel about these options?

    The fact that you are aware of the underlying issues is a positive thing. It may not seem very positive Arkangel, but many people with depression have no handle whatsoever on their feelings and it becomes more difficult to explore ways of moving forward with them. When you can identify the causative factors there is more hope - try to bear that in mind.

    Winter depression is very real and it can drain us of motivation and energy. I'm sure many people on here will understand that sluggish feeling that really seems to hit during December and January - after Christmas. If you are suffering from S.A.D though, it's much more severe and can lead to the despairing thoughts that you described.

    Try to keep an eye on the language you are using Arkangel. It's so very easy to use corrosive words and adjectives against ourselves when our mood hits rock bottom and whilst it may reflect our feelings it can also be self destructive and feed feelings of despair.

    Do consider some of the options that may improve things for you and let us know how you get on. We are here to offer you support and we do care.

    (*hug*)
     
  8. arkangel

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    I just feel like saying "Oh hes depressed" like its no big deal and "Everyone gets sad sometimes" but I know its more than that... I know I am, or at least my family and friends, believe I am bipolar. I have yet to be tested and properly medicated for it though, but medication is something I am open to.

    When I get depressed, I end up getting really really poetic. I don't cuss or use foul language when im not depressed, and I don't really use it when I am. I don't like it.