I met this girl at a rugby tournament, I noticed her, but she didn't notice me. I am on a dating site, but have never really used it. Anyway, she came across me on there (random right?) and we started messaging. This was 4 months ago, and we have talked everyday, all day since. She lives 7 hours away from me, in America. I live in Canada. We made plans for me to go down there this weekend so we can really meet and hang out. I am very excited to spend the weekend with her! But I'm also very nervous.... She wants me to meet her friends, which I am very excited to do, but again... nervous. I think most of my anxiety however comes from social media... she loves posting everything about her life on facebook, and instagram and tumblr. Which I'm okay with.. but she added some of my friends, that she has never met (maybe they met briefly at the tournament; not sure), nor have I told them about her, on facebook.. some of them don't even know I'm a lesbian. So it makes me nervous that I either have to come out to them before friday, or risk her posting all over the internet and them finding out. I really like her, but I am feeling pushed into a corner. What should I do? Also, has anyone ever travelled a distance to meet someone before? Any advice?
Well one possibility would be to see it all relaxed... enjoy the time... and just be yourself there. Concerning your friends, you might tell her to hold on from unambiguous photos and stories for now... like friends having a good time... if she is ok with that. And if they sometimes get the impression it might be more it might be a hint so if you eventually come out it would be not that surprising... would that be a solution ? (*hug*)
Best option: tell her honestly that you are not yet out to many of your friends, and that you're working on it, but that you'd rather have them learn it from you, and not from facebook, twitter, or instagram. Of course, no relationship can survive in secret forever. At some point there has to be a plan to tell good friends who don't know yet. But I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a bit of care in who to send pictures and updates to. As an aside: don't overstress either. When you're in the closet (partially or fully), a big part of your time is spent hiding all traces of it, and trying to find out who else could possibly be gay. To the point where you can't even imagine that other people aren't doing the same all the time as well. In my experience, though... most people really are quite oblivious to it. Most straight people could see pictures of you hanging out with another girl and think nothing of it. So: restraint is good, but don't overstress! even if there's a minor leak in the closet door, you should still be just fine! On meeting people: I've done so twice. Once I went to Paris to meet with an online friend (about 3 hours from here). Once I agreed to meet an online friend in Seattle (though that was different. I knew he lived there, and was in the neighbourhood for work). Both cases went fine, but I did take precautions. we agreed to meet in a neutral place first, and if any one of us would have felt uncomfortable, we would have had the option of just getting up and leaving. Secondly: I did inform other friends of where I would be, and how long I would be there. I would send them a text every day I was gone and in that text would be a code word indicating I was doing OK. I also gave them the home address and every bit of info I could get on the people I was meeting. So whatever you do: meet in a neutral place first, and keep in touch with home regularly. It's the safest way! On the more fun side of things: if you've chatted lots online or on the phone, you have an accepted routine by now. Meeting in person is not THAT different. Proceed as if you just continued your last conversation, and you should get in the flow of things fairly easily!
