1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't know how I'm going to go on

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by LeeAndrews, Jan 16, 2015.

  1. LeeAndrews

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This time I don't know if I can lie to myself again.
    I've fallen in love over and over with my feelings never returned
    I feel my very soul reaching out to these people who seem so true
    Never do they feel the same
    they don't even tell me why
    silence
    not even what's wrong with me
    so what is wrong with me?
     
  2. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    There's nothing wrong with you. People just want different things.

    I realize it feels tough, but life goes on and you will survive.

    You can shoot me a message if you ever wanna talk.
     
  3. LeeAndrews

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you for your support.. But it happens over and over again in my life. The more deeply I feel for someone, the more they treat me like dirt. With me being the common element, I have to look to myself for the source of the problem.

    I just don't know what it is.
     
  4. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I know this one guy, he's a fantastic fellow with lots of great qualities, but he has just the worst luck when it comes to relationships. I have to constantly pep talk him for the exact same thing as you're feeling here, so this is a dance I know well.

    There's nothing inherently wrong with him just as I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you.
     
  5. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    First, there is nothing wrong with you.

    People tend to repeat a behaviour or pattern that has worked at least once, over and over.

    If you really think about it, is there something like a pattern ?

    If you sum up the people you found attractive, are there some common qualities that come up ?


    Unconscious and conscious expectations and intentions attract very much.
    What would keep you from finding a normal partner attractive ?


    This takes time, so take your time.
    Possibly you want the help of a therapist to help you sort it out. Please reach out if you think this could help you.

    You might daydream a bit, so you can think about what you would want.... not excessively but a bit, so that you can identify the core of what you would like...


    Another thing might be simply not enough communication... if you are hurt, for example, really communicate... not with reproaches, but saying so, stating your feelings... its always ok to state feelings.

    If you work on both points you should after a while see where you would like to go and what you would like to have from a partner...

    just keep on going, keep on keeping on, even if at first maybe not the right partner comes along (chances might be though it might be a fitting one :slight_smile: )... eventually the right one will :slight_smile:
    you might just see what you have in common, if you can go along, and take it from there...

    really take your time.


    (*hug*)
     
    #5 jay777, Jan 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  6. PalestrinaMX

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2013
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota, USA
    I am exactly the same as you. I even become obsessive when I feel a connection with someone, because it doesn't happen often, and I fear losing it and never finding it again. I don't really have any advice. I just try to live one day at a time. Some days are better than others. I wish you luck.
     
  7. LeeAndrews

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It's so comforting to know that there are people out there who understand. I feel like with every heartbreak I shut myself down a little bit more and now I have such a heavy lid on myself that it is hard to let people know how I feel. Every opinion I voice has to go through so much vetting to get out of my mouth that nothing is spontaneous anymore.

    So yes, when I find someone I feel I connect with it is such a blessing. I slowly trust and let myself hope. And I want to do everything for that person. And it feels so sweet that I can't see how it could be wrong. But it happens over and over- the more I feel, the more they turn away.

    But thank you all of you. You're so lovely and I'm glad I've found this site. I'm hoping one day I'll be in a place where I can offer some advice to someone else.

    Lazuri- your friend- what do you think goes wrong in his relationships?
     
  8. Lazuri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    2,710
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sometimes he's just unlucky, sometimes he's the victim of a girl who thinks she knows what she wants but turns out to know nothing and sometimes his ridiculous amount of loyalty and affection scares them away.

    The last one I never understood. We're talking about a guy who is so ridiculously loyal that he stayed away from any other relationship prospects for a year just in case a girl who previously left him would change her mind. You'd think that would be a trait people value.