My best friend recently told me that she's had a *ahem*, 'sexual' encounter with this guy the other day. Both of us have known him for ages now but they've only started flirting via text about a week ago and on their FIRST date they go and do something like that. They're 15! 15 years old! I really thought she was better than that and I'm seeing her next week and I'm not really sure how to show my disappointment to her. Any ideas of what I should say? Thank you.
Why are you disappointed in her? I don't think there's any rules written anywhere where it states that you can't be sexual with someone on the first date.. and 15 isn't so young nowadays either.
One of my old friends had sex when she was 15, I remember her telling me and it surprising me since it seemed like a really young age to do it. But I don't think having sex at that age makes you any less of a functional human being; she was as happy and healthy as the next person. So don't sweat it.
Considering the age of consent is 16 and the state of play with young people these days - she's done well to wait till 15 - yes that's a cynical outlook. The main thing is using protection, hope she was at least that sensible.
I had just turned 16 when I first had sex and my partner was 15. Personally I don't see the big deal if protection was used. Then again, I had been together with my partner for 10 months before we did it.
Its your friend... could you find a way to support her ? Maybe shes happy... maybe shes doubtful... Probably she just needs someone to listen... (*hug*)
I understand where you're all coming from. I want to be happy for her I really do but she's never acted like this... well... ever. She'd always say how she'd wait for at least a few dates before doing anything like this. Hell, she even told me once she wants to lose her virginity at age 20 minimum. I just don't understand why she did it, and why she wants to tell me about everything that she did :/
Things happen... if they have known each other for ages they might have had a feeling of understandig for quite some time... and sometimes its the heat of the moment... well if you know it you could be extra careful... if not, well... its simply moments when thinking is diminished... and she probably simply wants to share her feelings...
There's two trains you could take with this, basically. The first train is this: something happened to change/influence her mind. If you are indeed best friends, then you should be one of the first people she comes to, so let her. If she wants to tell you anything, let her. I'm sure you'll discover something, if she doesn't flat-out state why she did what she did, despite her past remarks. The second train is this: she did this and, perhaps, has some kind of doubts or regret. The wanting to tell you everything may be her indirect way of saying, "Hey, I need somebody to listen to me, and I want it to be you, my best friend...", so grant her that audience at least. Sometimes people don't come out and say what they need to, instead relying on hints and subtle gestures. Either way, let her speak. Let her tell you whatever she wants, but listen first. Respond where appropriate and when necessary, but try to refrain from any kind of judgmental comments. That's one of the last things you want to do, especially when somebody close is willing to come to you. If she believes she did something "wrong", she already knows it, and if she is unsure, well, who better to get some insight than you? In the end, people can/do change. Be it in attitude, beliefs, or actions. It happens, it's part of living life. Some of it is harder to swallow, but you either swallow or you choke -- and I doubt you'd want to risk damaging or losing this relationship. You're a smart-enough fellow, from what I've seen. I think you've got this, for what it's worth.
Honestly i don't think it is your right to judge her and what she did. If you had any respect for your friend I would accept her choices.
^^ This I understand she is young but It's also her life. Regrets are in the past, as long as protection was used It's really just her choice to make.
People change. When I was in school a lot of people went from "wait until marriage" to "gotta lose this virginity at the first possible opportunity." 15 is young but not a ridiculous age, and really I don't understand why you're so upset or why you want to "show your disappointment" to her? It's her life and the only thing I'd be worried about is if she practiced safe sex.
Before I post this I need to let you know that I am EXTREMELY sorry... she told me she was lying -_- I feel like I have wasted your time :/ But what you have said has opened my eyes a bit. Maybe I shouldn't be so critical of her...
It's okay, you haven't wasted our time. Even though she lied about it, many people of your age will find themselves in exactly the same situation (they may even be reading this thread now) so the advice offered to you, equally applies to them. Did she say why she lied?
Yeah :/ She said she was, and I quote "f****** about with me." Don't get me wrong I love her to pieces but it seemed a bit to serious for a 'joke'.
A little bit, maybe. But maybe you gained some perspective, which isalways valuable. Also, I'd like to point out that despite everything I think it's really nice the way you care for her. I realize your disappointment in the "issue" came from a place of love and I think that's nice.
