Done

I'm going to be 43 soon. I've known I was gay since I was 4 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I was bullied and beaten in school. I was called fag so many times by the same kids and teachers I can still hear their voices like playing back a mixed tape from high school. I moved 3000 miles from home when I was 20 and remember reading through the gay personals crying. I couldn't free myself. I married a woman at 27 and have been divorced now for five years. Im finally in a place where I am now strong enough to face who I am and can find nothing but rejection. I look at the boys who remind me of the crushes I had when I was in school. Looks that got me punched and thrown to the ground. I look back through time and I feel such sadness. I put pictures and descriptions up on the gay dating sites, and almost no one notices me except men my fathers age. I am a high level executive in a major corporation. I am only 5'8. I graduated at the top of my class from an Ivy League school where I attended on a full academic scholarship. I'm bald. I've trained and mentored hundreds of people into successful careers. I'm lonely. I love the outdoors. I love to surf. I love to travel. I love to spend weekends on my boat in beautiful places. I want to end my life.