where the hell are all the lesbians??

Hello!

 

Right!!! That sums up my problem quite well too!! Sorry I wish I could find someone too it's pretty lonely!!!

 

I think we all feel that way sometimes. Try to keep your head up & your heart open.

 

Tell me about it....at 51 it's pretty darn hard to meet anyone of a suitable age. I don't do the bar scene, can't get interested in online dating and the only lesbians I know here are couples. I thought I had a good prospect recently in one of my hobbies, but when I got a chance to talk to her she didn't seem to have any interest of that type in me. I haven't tried local lgbt groups but may have to resort to that, maybe in another town (my town is pretty small).

 

You could have a look here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/166447-how-do-you-make-friends-adulthood.html#5


(*hug*)

 

It's so hard knowing if a girl is a lesbian! I mean, some people have amazing "gaydar" but if I ever meet a girl I like, I'm too scared to do anything about it. I start thinking, what if she's straight? What if me asking her if she's into girls offends her? What if she's homophobic?What if she is gay, but just doesn't like me?? So I just shrink awkwardly into the background. I kinda wish someone would hit on me, but at the same time, what if they are thinking the same things about me? I'm a mess.

 

What keeps you from just making contact ? Maybe a small compliment... nice t-shirt... then starting to talk...
often people are glad if there is someone there to talk to.
If you take it slow and ask a few interested questions while interjecting something about you from time to time you could make a quite good conversation...

just try it...

you can practise this, by making a nice remark to the cashier... etc...

you could also think about rainbow accessoires, depending on how out you are...
there is a wide spectrum, from unobtrusive to really telling...


(*hug*)

 

Literally the story of my life. I can always tell if a guy is gay - Basically all of them in south beach - but I've never seen a girl and known she was a lesbian. I assume all the girls are straight and have literally no idea where to meet other lesbians.

 

I'm not a lesbian but I like ladies. I just feel I'll never meet that special someone.

 

These stereotypes are hurtful to hear, and really don't help you to find someone. Someone being bisexual does not MEAN she needs a man to be satisfied, or would leave for a guy if she found a good one. My sexual orientation is not based on me being bitter, or 'just not being able to find the right guy.' Being born bisexual has nothing to do with my ability to be monogamous. Please check yourself and your ignorant assumptions about a huge and diverse group of total strangers. It wouldn't make sense for someone bi to say "I'd never date a lesbian because they're all lumberjacks with mustaches," would it?

To clarify so that for the rest of your life you will have to say "I know ONE...": I am bi. I am 100% monogamous, have never cheated on someone, and never will. I have been bisexual my whole life, and that has never changed and likely never will change - I know who I am, I am not confused at all. I am only willing to date women at this point in my life, because of compatibility issues emotionally and experientially, and NOT because I just 'couldn't find a good man.' I can find plenty of good men, I just don't want them! Sex with a man is great, but so is sex with a woman, and a woman has so much more that can fuel a relationship besides. A woman I'm in love with is more than enough for me, now and for the rest of my life. But I'm not interested in dating a lesbian who is extremely insecure, and constantly accusing me of cheating or wanting d!ck. Nobody would like to be questioned like that and their sincere feelings mistrusted constantly in a relationship. If I say I'm into a woman, I'm REALLY into her, and she is enough for me. If she is a kind, complex, trustworthy, and confident woman, there is no need for her to feel insecure about anything in this world, much less in our relationship!

Some bisexuals you should not date. Just like some lesbians, you should not date. Because some PEOPLE in general are liars, cheaters, don't know themselves well yet, or are otherwise totally incompatible with you. By cutting out all bisexuals as a group, because of the way they were born, you are being really superficial, and also likely cutting out a lot of good, stable, and loyal people. And by assuming all lesbians are date-able, you're probably exposing yourself to a bunch of total tools unnecessarily. You need to be a much better judge of character than that - don't blame all people born bisexual because you met or hooked up with a few total loser women. Pick better people next time. The same reason racism makes no sense, homophobia makes no sense, etc. etc., bi-phobia is pointless stereotyping of a huge group of people based on your negative impressions of only a few. Some studies say that roughly 80% of all women are somewhere on the bisexual scale. So that is like billions. Does that mean they are all the same? NO, each woman is an individual and should be judged on her own merits.

And thus, I can relate to what the OP is going through, but if we include bisexuals like myself into the mix, there is at least a better chance that we all will find each other some day!

And by the way, I know EC is not a dating site, but let me just put the energy out into the universe now that I AM LOOKING FOR A GOOD WOMAN! I am a loving, caring, committed person, and boy would I love to be able to share my life with a woman who can provide the same, and who gets me! I just haven't found her yet...

 

I agree with this ^^

There are plenty of lesbians and genuine bisexuals if you know where to look OP. Plus, who's to say a bi person would leave you for a man? Hell, my LESBIAN ex-girlfriend left me for a man because she couldn't accept her sexuality and chose to stay closeted.

 

That's exactly how I felt. This is supposed to be a support forum, and every single day I come on here I see posts - sometimes in threads not even about bisexuals, like this one - spreading negativity and hateful stereotypes about bisexuals. It makes me feel VERY bad, when this is the place I come to for support, where people are supposed to get me, and I have to read hundreds upon hundreds of messages like this. What do you think the outside world is like? THIS is the "Safe Space" - the outside world is even worse! And time after time, no one calls anyone on it, it is just allowed and seen as normal. But that would never be allowed for other groups in the LBGT category.


THIS IS NOT AN ARGUMENT. CALM STATEMENTS AND DISCUSSION FOLLOWING...::icon_bigg

It's nothing personal, my post applies to absolutely anyone who has these opinions about people like myself. Whether you want to face it or not, you are talking about ME - I read this thread to feel included in something, and then your post made me feel very EXCLUDED and hurt, like I don't belong and am not wanted here. When you make assumptions about a group, you are talking about all of the people in that group - and those assumptions are very hurtful, and also totally incorrect.

So from my perspective, you insulted me and other bisexuals first. I merely stood up for myself and for others, given that I know a lot of people are not in a place yet to feel strong enough to stick up for themselves, and this is a new thing for me to actually speak up when I am being treated poorly or misunderstood. It is absolutely true that a lot of lesbians in general make poor relationship choices, and then blame all bisexuals for that. Just like it's not right for a straight woman to pick up a guy in a bar who is drunk and seems aggressive, and then when he turns out to be an alcoholic who beats her, make claims that all men are abusive alcoholics. You also have to protect yourself enough to pick better people - you can't just blame an entire group for one sleezebag.

I don't see this as an argument at all, and am not mad. What I can't abide though is being forced into silence when there is bullying all around me on these forums. If I see something that is harmful, I will speak up so people have a chance to think about it differently. Many people don't even realize they are so cruel to bisexual people - just like many straight people make jokes or assumptions about gay people at school or work and don't even realize how bad they are making gay people feel about themselves. Saying "all gay people do this negative thing," or "all gay people are like this negative stereotype" hurts gay people who hear it and are afraid to come out of the closet.

Bisexual people have been noted in studies as being more likely to commit suicide, and more likely to be homeless, than both homosexual and heterosexual people. People making callous comments about who they are like this is a lot of the reason why. So I'm just saying think before you speak about a whole group of people like that - especially on a website that is supposed to be a safe space for that group! It can really hurt, and is also just untrue.

Now you know me, even if it's just online, and lots of other people are reading this too, and so now everybody knows there really are bisexual women out there who are serious, who have the capacity to love another woman for the long-term, and who are honest trustworthy people. I just want people to know that I am worthy of falling in love with, and committing one's life to. I don't need someone to just tolerate my presence as an acquaintance at the gay bar - I want people to see me for who I am, and to know that I am just as much of a possible choice for lesbians out there as any lesbian might be. There is no reason for people to fear me or turn away from me if we get close, simply because they heard that bisexuals aren't really gay, or will just choose a guy if given the option.

The thing is, I can tell the fake-bisexual-drunk-girl-gay-for-the-boys-I'm-only-trying-women-because-I-had-a-terrible-breakup-with-a-man women in a heartbeat, and I would not even give them the time of day. I wonder why other women, especially a lot of lesbians, seem not to be able to tell who is a total mess from the beginning, when I can spot it so easily? It's frustrating that people like that lead many lesbians to not take me seriously as a person, or as a part of the gay community.

If everyone had the "trainwreck radar" that I seem to have, I think lesbians as a whole would have a lot more options for dates when they do get a chance to meet another woman-who-likes-women. I don't want this to be a mean post at all! I'm just saying, if you have a high standard for who gets the chance to share your time - because you really deserve to date only good people who have themselves together - then people who are the trainwrecks wouldn't end up being confused with people like me. There are as many lesbian trainwrecks as there are bisexual ones - but I'm sure all the women on this thread are only looking for nice, together women to date, not total drama and insanity! Bisexuals are not synonymous with drama - it's trainwrecks who are synonymous with drama. And I am a bisexual, and I am certainly no trainwreck.

So lesbians who are out there looking for a woman, can find me even though I might not have a "stereotypical lesbian" look. Look for my: rainbow cartilage earring, short nails, lesbian (2 female symbols together) ring, slight swagger when I walk, comfortable men's pants that I love to wear on days I'm not wearing a skirt, comfort with using tools and doing my own work around the house, somewhat off-beat or edgy sense of style, practical car (Prius or Subaru - I have owned both, lol!), rainbow sandals, casual way of speaking that shows I don't care too much about being perceived as girly, and compliments I give you with a big smile. Just one of those things might not be enough to identify me as 'into the ladies,' but I think a bunch of them together should give you a good clue - even if we live in a town where there is no gay bar or LGBTQ center. And if you then find out I'm bisexual, consider what I wrote here and don't turn around and run. Find out if I'm a trainwreck or a normal together person. If I'm a mess, it would only take you 5 minutes to find the drama.

If I met a bisexual girl, the same as if I met a lesbian girl, I would ask questions that would give me a good sense of how stable she is, if she's into a serious relationship or only casually dating, and how out she is and how comfortable she is with her sexual identity. I personally would not date someone who hasn't known who they are for quite a while, and who isn't out - because they're really likely to jump back in the closet or have a hard time being out in our relationship, and I'm looking for something serious. But I'm in my 30s, and that would be totally different if I were much younger. I need a relationship with someone I know is comfortable dating women seriously, and who can see herself committing to a lesbian marriage someday. Most women who can't handle living a lesbian life forever will not pretend they are that comfortable if they're not. Most will be honest that they're not out to all their family and friends, and/or are not really comfortable with marrying or having kids with a woman. I'm only looking for someone who likes that idea, and isn't afraid of what relatives or strangers will think - so someone who only likes women for an experiment is probably going to get weeded out pretty fast.

We Women Who Like Women (WWLW)s need to stick together! There are few enough of us out there as it is, to start cutting out whole groups of us as options.
(&&&)
I will usually be pretty open about my sexuality if someone brings up a topic of attractive women, or gay rights. So if you're in a town where there is not much visible lesbian presence, striking up a conversation with a girl you think might be lesbian or bi and mentioning lesbian-related stuff like popular lesbian music or festivals, or other related stuff might confirm for you who's into women, even if she's not wearing anything rainbow that day.

Hopefully any bad feelings have been cleared up now. We all just want to be heard and understood.

P.S. I also have a rainbow umbrella, so if it's raining you can still find me! lol

 

heya! no need to be loenly my furrend! and we are all here! im also here uif you ever need someone to talk to. so, hows your day been? mines been fantastic! teehee!

 

Lol, sure. Although I don't drink so mine will be maybe a Sprite or something...

It's hard to say for me what my favorite part of a woman is. Physically, the women I've fallen for have had something about the whole package that just comes together for me. It's weird because I don't even really have a type that I know of. I think I have one, but then the women I fall for are all over the place in terms of what they look like, and how butch or femme or androgynous they are. It may sound silly, but I like someone with a kind face, and I often get lost in the person's eyes and hair - whatever type of hair it is. I do have a thing for a really hot stomach if someone happens to have one, but that is not a must.

I also love some women's personalities - that they're strong, that they're funny, that they're loving, that they can do anything. I am in awe of women because, having dated guys, not to be mean but by comparison guys are really limited. Pretty much they can only be good at a few things at a time - they focus on work or sports maybe, but then they suck when it comes to emotions. Or maybe they are able to talk about emotions, but then they're terrible socially, or in their jobs. It seems more common that women are complex and not simple beings, and that they can multitask and be good at a huge range of things at once. They can be good at their jobs, and at raising children and being a kind partner, and also good with emotions, and also good at sports, and also might be funny or play music at the same time! Women who are like that are so exciting to me because they're so powerful - it feels like they can handle anything (even though of course, everybody has limits). If they're good at seemingly everything and then they have one or two big vulnerabilities, that does it for me big-time, lol! I've also learned that I am a sucker for a woman who can sing or play and instrument (wow if you can do both at the same time!), and for women who are activists or just really passionate people in their daily lives. A woman who is artistic, or who has been really successful in a type of job that I can't do... these are things I'm really into. A woman who is a doctor, and even more so a neurologist (because I wanted to be one, lol) - wow!

It's not as simple for me as saying "I'm into breasts" or "I like butts." I tend to like whatever the person has on them if I'm really into their personality, and the things they can do. I also like confidence. I only know that some women have a really angry looking face (like all the time), or are always complaining about the things they can't do and what they don't have, and I'm not into those things at all. I'm not into women who try too hard, who feel that to be a woman means you must have 5" heels and long painted nails and hair extensions and designer clothes and all that... I just like real women. But I don't mind a woman who does that sometimes just because she likes it - like say someone who is a makeup artist - but who doesn't feel it's necessary to being a woman. I really like a woman who is sexy but who can just chill in jeans or sweats and just have a good time. Somebody who isn't really superficial I guess.

See what I mean? - It's hard to describe. It's just a combination of stuff. If she's a good person, and has even one hot feature (and everybody has one), and is good at something (and pretty much everybody is good at something!), that's pretty good for me. I am really into "nice girls," the do-gooders. I don't get into the "bad girl" types. Somebody who's busy trying to make a better world is really sexy to me.

I would love to hear what everyone else is into! What does it for you? What are you most into about a woman? [If the OP feels this is too far off-topic, we could also start another thread to discuss.]