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i miss her

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by lostluvr, Jan 28, 2015.

  1. lostluvr

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    i really miss this girl i was talking to for awhile but now shes just gone..she has my number and i kno if she wanted to talk to me she would..its been two weeks..at first i guess it didnt bother me much but now i think its hitting me..i hella miss her..i keep thinking about things shes said and wondering if shell ever text me again..i kno its not healthy to feel like this and to dwell on it..i mean we wernt by any means together..i guess i just held on to the idea of it..idk..i feel totally lost now..i know i should get out more..she used to tell me that i was happier when i was in a different environment then at home or in my head..ugh..i just fuking miss her..i feel hella down lately..like everything seems pointless now..i was happy when i was talking to her..i felt i had a reason to smile..but now shes gone and so is my smile..its just hard to except that she just didnt like me like that...it makes me feel ugly..i guess i feel im decent looking and stuff but still...idk..i felt better about myself while i had her in my life..i was healthier too..fuk i just feel depressed and worthless i guess..:icon_sad:
     
  2. Aro

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    Can you not call or text her first? If you miss her, is there no way to contact her so that you don't have to suffer? Or is she just not answering anything? Sometimes it's a fight to keep someone in your life. But it's worth it. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. You are definitely not worthless.

    Has it been a really long time since you spoke? Did something happen? I guess that is not really the point, but reconnecting if you know her contact information might be a good plan. Regardless of whatever is going/went on, I hope you can resolve something. If you have any way of talking to her comfortably, then I suggest letting her know that you miss her and that you want to reconnect. If you were close, friends, whatever you had will mean something. I am sure she would understand.

    Good luck, either way.
     
  3. lostluvr

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    i think i do have her number but see the thing is that we were talking everyday for like a month..well one night i told her that it would be nice to have sumone to come home to that i was ready for a relationship but i didnt mean towards her i meant it in general u kno like friends telling eachother stuff even tho it did seem like we were more than friends but neway..then she said sumthing along the lines of "ohh...now it makes sense..im just mingling i just got out of a relationship"..blah blah blah.."she was abusive..im not ready for a relationship even tho i like u alot..well alot alot alot"..i said "oh shit.no im sorry i understood that about u i just meant me myself in general" then the next day was the last day i talked to her..i gotta be stoopid not to see that i scared her away..so i figure if she liked me.even the slightest bit she would try to get ahold of me..im not gonna be the creepo type to be up her ass just cuz i really fuking like her and miss her and whatnot..id rather she be happy..if not talking to me makes her feel better than i except that..obviously it hurts me alot but its what she feels is best for her i guess..i just dont know how to deal.with these feelings..i feel like i dont even want to look at another woman..i felt sumthing for this girl even tho i kno it wasnt like that..she did kinda lead me on but still...idk dude i just feel no like desire to even try to start over liking another girl..all i want to do is be alone and i know its not healthy..i know i need to surround myself with others and stuff but i just dont feel like it..i feel like i dont have the energy to force a smile..i just feel so cheated..i let her in behind my wall..i trusted her..i thought shed be around longer than a fukin month..i told her so much personal stuff..i showed her pics of my naked body..and im soooo self concious about my body..i just fukin trusted her..damn it i really liked her..and i really thought she liked.me too.......now i feel lost as fuk..no motivation to do anything..everything seems pointless and useless..i thinkim really depressed..although thinking about her feeling happy now without me in her life makes me feel glad that me being gone helped her in sum way tho it doesnt do much for my confidence..cant help feeling i just wasnt pretty enough or kool enough or idk...social enough or sumthing..(sigh) im sorry this was so long :icon_redf
     
  4. Aro

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    That doesn't sound like something that was your fault at all. She seems to have read something into what you said. Also, you can be scared and still love someone. Being scared of a relationship is okay- just something to work through. She obviously had some things to work through herself, and maybe she just needed some time. Through no fault of yours, I'll re-iterate.

    It is not 'creepo' at all if you contact her. For all you know, she's been wondering the exact same thing of you. You can't know unless you try because it could be that both of you are scared. You're scared that you've done something wrong, and she might be scared that she hurt your feelings with her response. You might be giving each other completely unnecessary space; but you can't find that out unless you talk to her, you know?

    Depression is very draining, I know. It's important to keep in contact with people you care about and who care about you. Even if you are only capable of one thing to spend your energy one and even if you really don't want to- because those are the people that are going to support you through the messes and tears.

    I think you probably had reason to trust her. You feel a connection, and I don't think that is something that she is willingly blowing off. She can be around as long as you like her to- within reason, of course. If there is a solid answer of not wanting to keep in contact, of course respect that. But until you know for sure, I would say work up to trying to talk to her. It's clear that she is very important to you, and though it is easy with depression to let someone slip away from you because it's easier to deal with, it's more painful in the long run and you don't know what you'd be living without. Is suffering this way really any better than simply asking for a solid response from her?

    In any case, don't be sorry that it was long. c: Sometimes troubles are just complicated and it takes some explaining and understanding. It's good that you feel safe and open here. I hope what I am saying makes sense and helps, even just a little bit.
     
  5. sweetfemme90

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    It's okay to miss someone. The best thing that helped me in times like this was to busy myself. Meet some new friends, join a group, volunteer, get involved, exercise, try a new activity. Anything that makes you busy, you won't have a whole lot of time to brood over this person who is no longer active in your life.

    It's good to have more than one person or 'point' or mission in your life. If you can obtain happiness from other things or people such as an LGBT group or some new friends, when a person walks out of your life your happiness doesn't abandon you and leave with them when they walk out the door.

    Letting people behind that wall we use to protect ourselves is painful when they leave. It's like they snuck their way in and knocked part of us down. We all need to guard our hearts I get it. By having more friends and support around you, you will have people to pick you up when you're knocked down. If you keep staying behind your wall you are going to turn it into a fortress and lock yourself in and you will provide no exit for yourself...people will still manage to find a way in and out though.

    What you need is the people who love you unconditionally and want to be around you no matter what is going on for you or them. You are definitely in the right spot for support and making new friends who will love you unconditionally.
     
  6. Pine

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    That sounds toxic for you and I know how hard it is to want to push at it but it will heal if you leave it alone. If you can't get someone to treat you like you matter as much as them, then you are never going to get there. Believe me, I am going through the same thing. Good luck to both of us
     
  7. lostluvr

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    i dont know of any groups in my area..actually i dont know any gay people at all maybe thats why its hard making friends cuz i feel sortof odd that i feel they cant relate to me and me to them..i really like what u said about the wall thing..it totally makes sense..i feel iffy tho now to even try to let anybody else in cuz truth is i really dont want to be social right now tho i totally kno i should..maybe ill try and get out of town this weekend go to like santa cruz or sumthing..u kno what helps alittle bit that was kindof wierd she said to me when i was telling her about how she made me feel really good cuz she reminded me of the me i loved being but then i went on to say how i had lost so much time in between that part of my life and how it made me alittle sad she said "so dont look back..that doesnt seem to be working for u..look towards the future".. and now that shes gone i think about what she said in the sense of learning to let her go and moving on with my life..i guess my mind just gets cloudy and i have spontaneous moments where i miss her alot that i get tears in my eyes..i mean like just the fact that i thought more of her than she would do me like this u know..:confused: ohwell i guess..maybe i just need time and to stay busy like u said...thank u for that (*hug*)
     
  8. sweetfemme90

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    You could always do a little online searching for face-to-face groups if that is something of interest to you. It's a good start to making friends like you. Why is it you believe you cannot relate to others and others not relate to you?

    It does sound like you need some alone time but trust me, making friends with other people is the best thing to do. It's okay to feel sad and cry, take the time you need. I wish you the best of luck, you seem like a total sweetheart you will do so well I know it. You got everyone on this website too, send a message any time!
     
  9. lostluvr

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    i feel they cant relate cuz well most of my friends are guys and they just dont seem to understand the emotional aspect of a woman liking another woman..i dont really have many girl friends and the ones i do have i dont ever kick it with and have deep intimate conversations with :confused: ...thank u maybe i will look into online groups..i know theres a gay A.A here but im not an alchy and besides A.A meetings are strange lol..thank u for ur response :slight_smile: ..i think im slowly starting to realize shes not coming back..i know i need to try to move on..maybe ill go out tonight or sumthing..hey u wanna be friends on here?? i can use a les friend and i promise ill try to be here for u too:kiss:(*hug*)
     
  10. sweetfemme90

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    I would definitely like to be friends. Once I meet the criteria for becoming a full-time member I will have access to more of the sites features (private messaging, friends etc).

    I think you are starting to gain a positive attitude. Moving on is difficult, especially when we don't always get the closure we wish to have with the other person. You are holding on just fine. Give yourself all the time you need.
     
  11. lostluvr

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    yea i think the only thing that bothers me is not knowing why...like what i did wrong..but i dont wanna text her and ask i think thatd make it harder for me..i guess im best with leaving that one well alone..i still think about her alot but like i said i guess im realizing that shes just not coming back so...i cant cling to the idea forever especially when theres no realism to it..reality is she didnt like me as much as i did her or she would be here with me..shed do anything in her power to try and see or even just talk to me like id do for her..ohwell..i do just need time..theres no point of dwelling on this its not gonna help me at all..just sux that i memorized her phone number kindof since i already deleted her pictures and texts and whatnot..cant delete her number from my mind and i hate it cuz its just there and in moments of weakness i dont want to break down text or call her and put myself in that situation..i still feel sad about it but theres small moments inbetween where im like "fuk her i deserve better.." idk..i went out with my guy friend last night till 6am lol it did help alot to talk to sumone and not think so much about her..i did wish a few times she was there but idk..i guess im starting to be alittle more open to the idea of finding another girl but just starting as friends for a while..im definitly not ready to full on give sumone else my heart tho..lol..but anyways..thanks for that...and hell yea dude thanks for the being friends thing..i still havent really figured out this whole website..i dont have a laptop that i could use here so i gotta go on here thru my phone..kinda sux but its kool...well hope u have a great weekend (*hug*)
     
  12. lostluvr

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    well i think i did ok this weekend but as this new week rolls around im starting to think about her again..just how while i was talking to her i felt so much better about myself..i was working out and being healthy now all ive been doing is drinking and smoking like crazy..i feel like in a way im drowding her out..i kno its for the best like ive said before but fuk i cant help but miss her in my life...idk maybe im just lonely...:frowning2:
     
  13. sweetfemme90

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    Hey grrl, you need to put down the bottle. I had a problem with it and when you think you are drinking your problems away, you actually make them bigger. Feeling lonely is inevitable right now, but even though you are lonely the people here support you. Try listening to some music, meditate, go for a run, anything. It's all about giving yourself some time before getting up and trying again.

    As much as emotional pain hurts we all experience it, we are human, right? The most helpful thing for me was to allow myself to feel bad for awhile. Just feel all the pain, acknowledge it's there, and don't do anything about it. Just sit in quiet. Once you have had plenty of quiet time over the next while you will be ready to grow from all of this. Whenever I tried to solve my problem with substances I never gave myself time to grieve, think, and reflect. Before I was able to move on in a constructive, healthy way I had to give myself time. Drinking only hindered my growth and ability to think and see clearly. I had to confront my feelings as painful as they were.

    Just try it, sit in quiet. Feel everything you are feeling. Raw feelings are hard to take in. I may also recommend you get rid of any substances you use to cope with. You have all of us to talk to about anything. Anything you need to release, I am listening.
     
  14. lostluvr

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    :') thank you so much..that totally touched my heart..i kno ur very right..im gonna just go cold turkey on everything for awhile..i feel kinda bad cuz i told a friend i wanted to party valentines day weekend but now i think im gonna follow what u said here..i like the idea of sitting in quiet feeling all the pain instead of doing what ive been doing..ill write more later im at work right now and its making me really want to cry..but i guess like a joyful cry..it feels really good feeling like sumone is here that actually wants the best for me when im weak and am not nessessarily making the best choices for myself..:icon_redf(*hug*)
     
  15. sweetfemme90

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    You will do great! And by the way even though you don't have a Valentine's day date, and are thinking of skipping the parties, you don't have to spend it alone. All you need is some good friends, a good movie and sober version of "never have I ever" or some kind of game. It worked for me in the past. Confronting your pain in order to heal is not easy, having people around you will make it so much more better. Hang in there!!!
     
  16. lostluvr

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    yea i dont have too many friends..the friend i was going with ive never really hung out with alone shes sortof my sisters friend but we relate on the sense that we both drink alot..i only have one friend really and hes a guy but he just got this new girlfriend and spends all his time with her which is kool i dont mind at all she seems nice..and even when just me and him chill all we do is drink..i pretty much dont go out unless im gonna drink :/ this is why being sober for me is so hard..i cant really feel comfortable around others unless im slightly hazed..its stoopid i kno i guess im alittle shy or sumthing..i just dont understand what two sober people are supposed to do together..even with family i feel strange hanging out with my sisters unless were drinking..i mean work is the only place i sumwhat socialize sober..ive been off and on with drinking..like im not an alchy or anything its just when i start drinking i have a hard time stopping..thats why i dont drink liquor..but i dont kno any sober people at all and the ones that are i cant relate to..this is how my life has been since i was 11..but neway..i dont mind being alone for now..i need to learn to live without it i guess..or idk..maybe im just totally fuked off..lol