Ever since 2 years ago when I accepted and found out I was gay I have been really self-conscious. It's mostly do to with my weight. I'm around 6 foot, and weigh around 12 stone + I'm male A year before I found out I was gay, I was extremely heavier. Looking back to old photos to then I'm like 'I was so heavy/Fat!' compared to now. But since I have gotten extremely taller I have become skinner. However, I would say myself, I'm not overweight, but not skinny. So average-ish. But no matter how I ensure myself that I am not extremely fat (There are heavier guys in my year) I always hate myself for being it. When I was a kid, I was so so skinny and now I'm fat. I don't feel comfortable around people with my weight, unless I'm sitting down, wearing a jacket/Coat to hide it. Whenever I get up to walk around the class, I feel so uncomfortable. Like everyone is eyeing me and judging me. What I also hate is my backside (eg. Ass). Since I lost weight by growing taller it hasn't shrinked. I woudn't say it looks horrible. But it's not nice either. If I'm in a shirt (Which is rare) in front of people. I hold in my stomach alot. However, what gets me is that when changing for PE and taking my top off. I feel alot more comfortable? Wat..? I don't get called fat, very rarely infact. When my friends hear someone say 'Your fat' (Directed at me) They usually go 'Your calling him fat!?' In a defensive response, like saying that I am not fat. I don't get how the heavier people in my year walk around in shirts and don't care. I really don't understand. I apologize for the long wall of text. I just wanted to get it off my chest...
I went down two sizes in the past 2 years and I feel the same way. What would make you feel more comfortable? For me I feel more comfortable when I am doing something good. When I eat something healthy, if I go for a walk or run. They all give me energy and I begin to feel good about myself, even though I am still currently over weight. I might suggest talking to a school counselor, or therapist if you have that available to you, or a person at school who is health oriented. My biology teacher is always encouraging us to eat healthy and she does yoga with us once a week, and she is going to help me with some strength training. The dietician at the grocery store was also helpful. In general try taking a positive route to achieving your goals and have fun. It shouldn't matter how you look but how you feel. I understand we are a society that puts more attention on appearances which how we look determines how we feel. Make small changes. Those small changes will make you feel fantastic and if your butt isn't on the 'best butt of the year' list, it won't even matter.
You should try to focus on what makes you feel good. Why do you care about your weight, is it for men? Guys don't all care about looks. They care about whats in your head and what's in your heart. Is it because you care about your friends? They're not friends if it matters. If you care about your weight because of you, then that's you fighting yourself. I have no advice about that. That's hard. Other than try to be kind to yourself and see what that's like.
