What stops people from being honest with themselves

oh wow, i can totally relate to your question :lol: i'm a gay guy, yes, i am not out yet and no, i don't plan to come out soon even though i know my family and my friends would accept me..

"What stops people from being honest with themselves"? first of all, choosing not to come out doesn't necessarily mean that you are not being honest with your self.. in fact, i myself knew since i was a little kid that i am gay, and i have accepted at a very young age that it's boys that i like, though of course, i only had a complete understanding of my sexuality a little later.. you see, sometimes there are just other factors.. like in my case, i choose not to come out because i am satisfied with my life inside the closet.. i'm not having a hard time, i don't even feel like i am hiding or pretending or lying to myself.. i have a great family a great friends, and like i said i know they will really "accept" me if they know

" if you are gay and know that people will accept you but still can’t come to terms with it, what is still holding you back?" acceptance is not always the case.. in some places, members of the lgbtq are just being "tolerated" and not really "accepted", and there's a difference, that's the sad fact.. whether we like it or not, there is still this social pressure when you're part of the lgbtq and it's not because they are ashamed of who they are, let alone because they are not proud of being part of the lgbtq, but sometimes there are just these expectations from the society.. like where i live, the stereotypical gay guy is a feminine and flamboyant boy who acts and talks like a girl (don't get me wrong, i respect them and everybody), but that's just not me.. and there are also misconceptions about gays like "they wanna hit on every guy they meet","they wanna suck your c*ck", "they are sexual beings"(oh please, i'm homoromantic), and that's ridiculous.. i don't really like stereotypes and labels.. everybody deserves respect, and even though i hate it, it is how it is.. and i don't wanna go around having to explain myself to everybody.. also, there would be changes, like, your good straight friends can easily tell you they accept you, but of course sometimes, they might feel awkward (even if that's not what they want) towards you especially when you're touchy with them before and you have done lots of things with them before even if there's really no malicious intentions behind those.. i know my friends are not like that and they are REALLY cool with gay guys, but i'm speaking for the others..

all the expectations and changes, maybe it's just that the idea that there are actually masculine gay guys is still new here (like, i wish people will not expect me to be feminine or i wish soon it would be as normal for people to see two men holding hands in the streets like when they see straight couples do it), or maybe i'm just exaggerating things for myself.. i don't know, but all i can say is i am REALLY satisfied with my life even if i'm not out i really admire those who came out, they are really brave (*hug*), but that doesn't mean those who haven't yet or those who wouldn't aren't it's just not the same situation for everybody.. so to come out or not to come out? my answer is whatever, will make them happy (&&&) (i am planning to come on the future though, when i find my special someone :"> because i know it's hard to keep relationships in the closet, so wish me luck haha )

as for your friend, maybe he's just still finding his own sexuality.. no one is ever too old to sort things out for himself there are a lot of possibilities.. maybe he still really has feelings for girls and hoping he could still explore that more before claiming something.. he's not necessarily in denial of his sexuality.. maybe he had a bad experience before or maybe he has in mind the social stigmas about being a part of the lgbtq.. he he should be under no pressure to be labeled as something just let him.. after all, he knows himself more than anyone right? and just keep being there for him.. you guys, are very supportive, really great friends, and i admire you for that (*hug*) i hope he finds where he would be happy

:thewave:

 

I've said this to my mother when she questioned about my own coming out, and why I didn't fully trust her:

You can't assume anything, when it comes to this stuff. Backgrounds are helpful, yes. But the problem lies in the fact that you can't control other people's actions, or in this case, reactions. You can't exactly predict what will happen. And in the case where somebody you come out to flips or even slightly shuns you because of it despite the background looking decent, what then? Looking at how the world around us views who we are because of this one trait brings so many conflicting things. Any of those things could happen when you come out.

There are also multiple factors that may come into play, as you stated. Perhaps the guy in the first paragraph has anxiety. Perhaps there's no backup at all, and he doesn't want to bank on that.

All of these reasons are why coming out is a VERY personal choice to make, and why nobody should put the pressure on it besides the person coming out.

 

It's just hard because although we may think we know someone and their life so well, we only truly get just a part of the whole story. We only know what we are told or witnessed ourselves. This even though it may seem like oh he must have it easy if he were to come out, the only person who can truly make that judgement is him himself. We are different people with different perspectives, strengths, weaknesses, and struggles. Therefore I would stress that we should all be careful to not make sweeping comparision judgements with individual people. With that the only thing you can do really is be patient and understanding, which I'm sure you would do anyways. If he does end up coming out entirely/truthfully then I guess voilà your window of opportunity. Just my 2 cents

 

I get you there definately...wondering why a friend just doesn't tell me something I already somewhat know but would like to be there for them. But at the same time I've been at the opposite side at the coin and even though you know that person would probably handle it well, There s still an internal battle to win before you are able to voice what you've been holding back. Even then it becomes a question of who to tell (and first).

A thing you could try would maybe sharing some of your vulnerabilities and even seeking some of his advice ? That kind of sharing really does create a personal connection that can bond two people together, and in turn he might feel comfortable sharing with you. With this though you would already have to be somewhat on good standing. How close are you guys as friends?

 

Hey again. It sounds like then you guys are pretty close then. I guess it would be safe to assume he just feels a bit pressure with the topic that's hitting a bit too close to home, and your presence is reminding him of it? It'll definitely take time. Hopefully he figures it out and comes to you, and you two can be closer together because of it. :icon_wink