Today the worst thing happened to me. Seriously, if I had three wishes dying would have certainly been my first option. I went into town this morning to print some passport size pictures at the photo shop. I already had a digital copy of the photo on my computer, so I just needed reprints. I copied the photo to two thumb drives I had. Little did I know that the photo printing machine manipulated by the clerk at the photo shop would show up all photos on the drive. I had specifically placed the photo in a folder named passport. A month back I had backed up some explicit and provocative photos of men and men engaging in sexual activities. Well today, some persons including the clerk manipulating the machine saw them and she just kept scrolling and scrolling, no passport photo in sight. It was agony and torcher on a level I never knew could exist. I told her to stop and its like she would have kept scrolling and scrolling. Even now my head swells in embarrassment thinking about what happened. The worst part is, this in Jamaica where its very difficult being gay and living in the closet. Since it happened this morning, I can't stop thinking about it, its like so fresh in my mind. Its like the whole day was in pieces, its was so debilitating. Its like I am having psychotic cringe episodes over what happened every 5 mins. I ended up googling for similar situations and came across this forum and decided to join and share my story. I know I certainly won't be setting back foot in there. Its just I can't seems to deal with it, its so terrible I could have put myself in such a situation. It certainly brought me back to a situation of a principal who was outed when someone posted intimate photos of him and his lover on social media. How do you deal with and move on from something like this?
well, it seems like you have figured out how to deal with this situation -- don't go back to that shop. it does sound like a really embarassing situation, and I guess you learned not to have other photos on the disk when you give it to someone else. I wouldn't mind being outed, but not with intimate photos. that's really hard. you'll get over it in a few days, I hope, but better to be a bit more careful, eh?
Well, its part of the solution, I have been listening some music and reading articles just to try and get my mind off it. Being outed whether intimate photos or not doesn't sound desirable to me. I guess it depends, if you live in a country like Jamaica where your own family, community and wider society hates gay people, you are forced go in the closet and stay their fear. The fear of shame, embarrassment, physical harm. Its a difficult burden to bare.
the fear of physical harm is definitely a terror that nobody should be exposed to. I'm so sorry that things are still like that in Jamaica. My thoughts are with you! The closet is an awful awful place to live, but sometimes there really doesn't seem to be a way out. I hope that some day you may at least find some supportive people with whom you might be yourself.
