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Depressed and desperate

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Alisa Arwen, Feb 9, 2015.

  1. Alisa Arwen

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    Title says it all. I am struggling so badly right now. I feel my family are too boneheaded to think about how THEY affect me with their sselfishness, arrogance, and so on.

    I know that they care. But I wish that they would take a step towards helping rather than placing it all on me.

    I am sick of being told about alternative therapies and feeling pushed towards that.

    My thoughts have been suicidal and desperate.

    Don't worry, I know I wouldn't kill myself, and I will seek professional help.

    I just needed to vent.

    I don't have many friends. I have overly critical family. I am very intelligent with great qualifications but haven't found a proper job. Currently unemployed. 1000 miles from my girlfriend. Overweight. Extremely low self esteem. Very unfit. Anger problems. My gender questioning doesn't help but that's not the main thing.

    As I say I will get proper help.
     
  2. m e l v i n

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    hi :slight_smile: i hope we could help (*hug*) first of all, please know that we, here, could be your family and friends too (&&&) alternative therapies could be great, but i think it doesn't really matter if it's professional help or not that you seek.. what matters is you get sincere help from caring people, and i'm telling you, if you want someone to talk to, we're always here :wink:

    it doesn't matter either if you have many or few friends, it's the quality of your friendship that counts :slight_smile: i know you will soon find a job too, with just a little change of perspective.. just stay positive, because sometimes being pessimistic in itself will really keep you down.. and hey, being overweight doesn't really have to be an issue right? well except for health reasons of course, but if it's your size that you worry about, please know that there are a lot of other people who are on the upper range of sizes and still find ways to be confident about it :wink: or if you really want to do something about it, maybe someone could help you here :slight_smile:

    anyway, just try to have fun, chill a little more and forget the problems even just for a while and look at the brighter side (&&&) cheer up :slight_smile:

    :thewave:
     
  3. Alisa Arwen

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    Thanks for the response. I know alternative therapies have their place but I don't want the whole prayer or crystal
    s or whatever else. It just isn't for me.
     
  4. Alisa Arwen

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    My most trusted friend is in America. My girlfriend in Norway....
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Recognising that you need help is a big part of the battle when you have really low and desperate feelings, so please take the steps to get the help you need. In the meantime come here and vent some more, if you need to talk. Sometimes it helps to have an outlet when your mind is full of negative thoughts and feelings.

    Of all of the things you mentioned, what do you think is the biggest issue (you said it's not the gender questioning)?
     
  6. Michael

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    I hope you are doing ok.
    Get help as soon as you can, and feel free to pm if you need to rant/vent.
     
  7. Alisa Arwen

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    It's certainly not that. I have experienced a few traumatic events over the last few years, and I have always have had low self worth, problems with being bullied, body image issues due to my weight, and more recently trust issues, deep insecurity, and finding my life directionless.

    And Vodkabaret, thanks for the offer.
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    Well, any one of those issues can drag your mood down and it sounds like some of them may be closely connected. If it's all come together, with the more recent issues too, there is no wonder you feel so low. I think there is a place for alternative treatments, but you are definitely right in seeking professional help and support. If you are having despairing thoughts it's not really a good time to do as your family says and experiment. I hope you get the help you need and don't find yourself waiting too long.
     
  9. Alisa Arwen

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    Thanks. I can see a place for alternative therapy, but I feel pushed towards certain ones with which I am not comfortable, and that exacerbates it.
     
    #9 Alisa Arwen, Feb 10, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2015
  10. Alisa Arwen

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    I think I ,might need to talk to my dad about it too.

    We aren't terribly close as my parents separated when I was a baby, but we get on well and he has almost always tried very hard to help me I'm any way he can.
     
  11. Alisa Arwen

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    At least I have never been tempted by alcohol or drugs.
     
  12. Alisa Arwen

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    So today I had a waste of time job interview and almost broke down crying when a friend asked me how I was.

    I am scared.
     
  13. Alisa Arwen

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    Mixed emotions tonight. Want to be with my partner but also want to cry alone.

    Was playing music tonight- something I love. I enjoyed parts but then towards the end I just lost interest and now ...

    Hopefully better tomorrow.
     
  14. Alisa Arwen

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    Finally seeing light now. There's a lot of pain to get through first but I am slowly getting there.
     
  15. Alisa Arwen

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    I hate life right now
     
  16. Alisa Arwen

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    So I am feeling a little more relaxed. I'll go make some tea and toast and watch the West Wing
     
  17. Alisa Arwen

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    Sometimes I don't know why I bother trying.
    I know I can't change people.... But why am I the one who must always be in the wrong with my family?

    I am 25 years old and my opinions are disregarded and treated as worthless.

    I have had a few better days but it's deteriorating again.

    I don't know what I can do to,make things easier. If I could get a job and my own place that'd help.

    I want to shout and scream and cry....its the only way they listen.
     
  18. PatrickUK

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    I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your family. What's happening with them to make you feel so low right now?

    What made the last few days better? Was there something in particular about the last few days that helped?

    It's good that you know what would help, because it gives you something to aim for, even if it does seem rather out of reach just now. Sadly, many people are burdened with the weight of depression and they can't identify a single thing that would improve things, so take some comfort from knowing what you need and keep it in focus.

    It's good that you are using this thread as an outlet for everything.
     
  19. Alisa Arwen

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    Valentine's day helped me. It cheered me up a lot. I received flowers and chocolates from my love.

    It's a feeling that I am not listened to or valued. I find it hard to contribute to another conversation without it being dominated by the other people involved.

    I don't think finding my own place and a job will solve everything. It might just be a way to hide from my deeper issues. But it is something.
     
  20. Alisa Arwen

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    Also.... Career advice would help

    And I do want to wear my boots...but its too ,much of a risk...