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Questioning my emotional capacity

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Sapphire, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Alright guys, sobering stuff here, you’ve been warned. Here we go…

    I hate being reminded that I wasn’t right for my crush. I wish I could control my feelings at will, if I could feel just as strongly for anyone else, or if I could just stop feeling this way for him, I would. The people I feel this way for come few and far between, and he was the first one I had a chance with. I was genuinely excited when we first started talking, I felt sparks whenever we spoke, but he found someone else who fits him better. Fair enough, it wasn’t meant to be, I can’t hold that against him, but it still really hurts. Sometimes I wish he wasn’t so nice so I had a reason to dislike him, but he’s so sweet and it sucks :dry: Because I don’t catch feelings very often, or at all really, I’m afraid that I might never get to be with someone who I actually have feelings for. I experiment with my feelings a lot, I let guys practice cuddling with me and it feels good to be affectionate with someone in that way, but there’s no rush, no sparks, nothing remarkable, in the end it's just two lonely gay guys resorting to each other for company.

    Honestly, when my friends talk about special experiences they’ve had with a significant other, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’ve never experienced what they claim to have felt, it kind of makes me wonder if I’m emotionally inept in some way, but if I can have feelings at all (even if they’re for someone I can’t have), then how can that be? They say we all have different journeys, but I’m definitely in need of a road map or something, what I know about myself right now is not enough for me to figure this out.

    I’ve been trying to figure out the circumstances of my emotional situation for a long time actually, and now all I can really admit is that I’m lost. I don’t know why I experience feelings for random people on rare occasions, it just happens like that. I just hope some day I’ll finally have those feelings returned, I feel like I’ve waited long enough, but I guess that really isn’t up to me. If it was I wouldn’t be writing this right now.
     
  2. Pine

    Pine Guest

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    A few people
    I'm sorry. I hope you find your equal connection. (*hug*)