Please, anyone who's ever had a bad falling out with a very close friend, I could really use some advice! If you would read this whole post I would be very grateful!!:help: I just had a big falling out with a girl who used to be the best friend I ever had, and someone I loved very much. She still cares about me very much, but last year she pushed me away and avoided me because of some internalized homophobia and even though I loved her, she didn't think I could accept being just friends with her without expecting "more," so she would flirt and come on to me. After a while she developed some homophobia towards me directly after we got particularly close, and so she would became really flaky--she would invite me out somewhere, panic, and cancel only to invite me somewhere else another day to make up for it when the cycle would start all over again. Eventually she flat-out told me it made her uncomfortable to be alone with me and she only felt comfortable in a group--one-on-one is for bedfellows only. I felt completely deceived because prior she'd been treating me like I was the best thing to ever happen to her, treasuring our time together and going out of her way to invite me to hang out with her. If was she was saying was true, then she'd been putting on an act the whole time and betrayed my trust. She never really made it up to me and never put much effort into trying to fix things or prove to me that I'm as precious to her as she claims and originally treated me, so I shot down all her half-hearted attempts to reconcile after the winter break and basically told her to get her shit together or she'd have to continue living without me like she has been. She also has a boyfriend since this summer who she's crazy about and likes to blame my attitude towards her on that when it's actually her actions that I can't excuse. Then she messaged me with the final straw. She's been ding-dong-ditching my phone the last couple of weeks how much she misses me, but now she says she misses the feeling of holding a woman so if I ever want a cuddle buddy we could watch a movie together and she could hold me through it. Which sounds wonderful--if she hadn't treated me like shit, taken me for granted, failed to include me in her new life, and now ultimately given me a booty call when she has a boyfriend who's really the best thing that's ever happened to her. I feel like she doesn't deserve a second chance and I don't see the point in fixing things in such an unhealthy relationship, but she thinks she tried everything she could think of to make up with me and now it's my turn to come to her when I decide to move past being acquaintances (I told her that's what we were currently because she hasn't been treating me with the respect I deserve as a friend). Until then, she is unfriending me and I can refriend her if I come around. I don't know if I owe her an apology for not being as understanding or forgiving as I could have been, if I should try to be the one friend to stick by her no matter what who puts up with her bullshit, or if I should just forget about her since I've been doing fine without her this year anyway???? What should I do??
First, (*hug*) You could have a real honest talk... You could ask her if she is really happy with her boyfriend... and talk about it that you still feel some hurt from her behaviour... maybe she apologizes, and you can sort it out... talking really honestly about your emotions for each other... if two people get together they sometimes retreat from their friends, only having eyes for each other... so you could think about what you would want, and tell her... and you're still emotional... you could take it out on a pillow, or shout into a pillow... and calm down and later talk with her calmly about it... and as you describe it you seem to like each other... hugs
I know for a fact that she's happy with him. All she ever talks about with anyone is how happy she is with her bf and how it's the best thing to ever happen to her. :dry: I tried to explain to her in a message today (we'll see when she reads it) that she doesn't understand because we think the main problem is two different things: Her: I(me) don't like and won't accept the fact that she doesn't have as much time to give me as I would have liked because now she has a boyfriend. I won't move past the confusing things that happened before even though she's gotten her shit more together, so why won't I accept her when she's trying to make nice? Me: She was acting homophobic and betrayed my trust when she revealed her true feelings, only to act like it had never happened, making me think she was putting up a front again. I don't want to feel ashamed of myself or have my trust compromised, and I have no way of knowing it won't happen again.
