Hey people! Sorry for the wall of text, but this is very important to me. If someone can help me and my BF, i would be really happy! My boyfriend (he is 22) is having some problems, and he asked me to post this here, to see if any of you have some advice for him/us. Well, to begin, he is from a very, very traditional christian family, that is also poor. He is the oldest of the three brothers of the family, and for a traditional family this means he has the burden (expectation) of being the exemplary son. That's why he always had to go to the church, follow the christian tradition, and be the person who would bring money to the family, enter the university, raise up the family status. About religion, when he came out as gay, he confronted his family, and set himself free of the religious traditions of the family. However, when it comes to education, it was always easy for him to have good grades on school and even be the best student on his class. Peraphs that's because he was always in a public school (Note: Here in Brazil, public schools aren't, in majority, good school). He suffered bullying in school because of this, he was considered the "fat nerd" everyone wanted to mock. And because of that, he used videogames and computers as a way to forget the real world, to avoid the suffering he went through. Games conforted him. When he finally did the test to enter a federal university here in Brazil (Note: We have a test called "Vestibular" to enter universities. Federal universities, or public universities in general, are the best ones, but generally hard to enter), but his result wasn't good enough to enter Computer Science. He thought that was the right course for him, because of his love for videogames. His parents never helped much about what profession he should choose, because what mattered to them was just that he choose something that would bring money to the family. The situation was really bad with his family already, with his father trying (and succeding sometimes) to hit him physically, and the what kept him from being kicked out was his mom. Other thing that kept them for doing that is that they still hoped he would enter the university and become a good professional, like compensating the fact that he was gay. Because of the result, he choosed Biology, and managed to enter the university. After he entered, he was impressed with the sexual diversity he encountered there, and how people were free to expose that. He then decided he needed to, finally, trying stop being extremely timid and to try to find someone for a relationship, and meet friends in general like a "normal person". Because of that, he started to focus on relationships instead of the course per se (the good side of this is that we met! ). After a year, he managed to enter Computer Science. But he discovered that playing games and learning about computers were different things. He hated it and dropped out of the university. Now, he don't know what he needs to do. All life he thought he needed to do Computer Science, and that would bring him happiness and money for the family. Now, he tried to enter the university again, he tried to enter Animal Sciences, as he wants to work on genetics, althought he isn't sure if that's what he really wants. He probably isn't going to enter the university now, and he may need to wait until the next semester to try again (that is easier to enter). But he is terrified of being 6 months without doing nothing, and his family is pressuring him. He also thinks this is making him fat, and he thinks he is getting depressed. He doesn't know what to do now. Everything is out of control and he doesn't see a way to change that for now. He says everything is getting worse. (Everything here is exactly what he is saying, i just translated it to English and posted here. Thanks for the attention )
It sounds like to me your boyfriend is under a lot of pressure from his family to be what they want him to be and for that reason things are falling apart. My parents were kind of the same way in that respect they wanted me to be a certain way and that led to everything falling apart. I think if your boyfriend is financially independent the best thing would be for him to move way from his family and find his own way in life. Or he can kindly tell his family that the pressure is too much and the pressure of having to be successful is causing everything to fall apart. The question I have if he didn't have that pressure of his family on his plate how much better off would he be? Is there away to stop the pressure his family is bringing him so he can focus on what he really wants to do.
He isn't financially independent. As i said, his family is poor, and financial things are complicated. He says he can't move away and he needs to learn how to deal with the pressure (his words).
Thanks for the answer. Yes, i'm here for him, but he is lost. He doesn't know what to do until he can try again.
