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im scared and confused

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by TheAnon32, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. TheAnon32

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have been dealing with anxiety and depression with coming to terms with my sexuality. I am unable to label myself yet but i know i'm not straight. My long distant cousin knows and she is very supportive and i planned to tell my older brother but it fell apart when i told him. It started where we were talking about were we wanted to live when we moved out and when he asked me why i didn't want to stay in my country (very homophobic place) i stayed quiet. Then when he asked again i started hyper ventilating and then he asked jokingly if i was gay and i stumbled out a yes. He was shocked and started by saying i was so young and how i wouldn't know yet but he did acknowledge he wasn't saying that i wasn't. After i said he couldn't tell ANYBODY until i was ready he couldn't promise me that as he tells is girlfriend/basically wife everything and i don't know who she would tell and then wild fire could happen. He said that he wished i never told him. Im scared as there are many consequences if people knew as i may have to drop out of my high school and leave boy scouts (im sure some parents wouldn't want a "gay" leader teaching their little boys). He hasn't brought it up since and acts normal but i feel his eyes on me when we are alone. Im scared and im not ready to come out. I just wanted him to know why i was upset all the time. Worse yet it's hard to expain to him that i can't label myself.
     
  2. lovehurts

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    When I came out, I felt the same way. I was anxious, hyperventilating, and it all just kind of spilled out. Fortunately for me, my family was supportive of me coming out. It sounds as though you're still trying to figure out who you are and that is absolutely okay. My advice would be to sit with your brother and tell him you're still trying to figure things out and that you would like to keep things on the low while you focus on the important things in your life such as finishing high school and being a Boy Scout. Talking to someone supportive and trustworthy is the best resource in dealing with the stress and anxiety that comes along trying to juggle school, activities, and finding yourself. Don't let this consume you, everything may seem like it's falling apart but really it's coming together :slight_smile: best of luck, my door is always open if you need someone to chat with personally!
     
  3. Incredibull

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Things happen, the only difference is how we react to those situations. Understand that you cannot change the past no matter how hard you try, in fact try right now, it is not going to happen. Make peace with the situation. Now, that you know that situation will not disappear you can look at it in two different lights. #1 Everyone finds out, now you can truly be yourself and the genuine beautiful person that you are! #2 Nobody else finds out and you can come out on your own time. Be patient and take in the opportunities you have right now. Nobody has any control over your emotions and actions than yourself, puruse what you must and what you enjoy. If that is high school and leadership in boy scouts, pursue them to the best of your abillity. If you say you consider quitting the boy scouts and dropping out of high school what is there to lose? Now you can fully emerge yourself in these activities without fear of risking opportunity. If you fail or boy scouts fires you (which is seriously doubted) then you have lossed nothing for you were ready to leave anyway.

    Make the best of your situation and understand that you have the ultimate power over your mind and actions. "Are doubts are traders to us, they make us lose the good we oft' might win by fearing the attemt" -Shakespeare