Tonight I gave my friend a ride to drop off a job application, at midnight... I knew he went to go do something else. I waited in the driveway for about 30 minutes, just to drop off a job application. I'm not that stupid, but I didn't jump to conclusions either. He said he saw some old friends and they talked some. I know he smokes weed but he usually smokes it out of a water bong because something to do with its more clean or something. But tonight he used aluminum foil to smoke out of. Then when he smoked it, it didn't smell like weed. It had this nasty smell sort of like burning plastic. I didn't make a big deal but when I came home I googled it, and it said crack. I don't do drugs but I was wondering if you smoke using an aluminum foil does it make the weed smell different? How do I even tell my friend that? He is like the debate king and I don't know anything about drugs. I'm pretty angry because he said he needed gas money to go to work the next day. Than when I came over, he told me the story of dropping off a job application for his other friend. So basically I feel like I gave him money to go buy drugs. And now I feel really pissed off and can't go to bed. This is the second time I've been through this. The first was with a X and he said he wouldn't do It again. I've helped him so much that I can't do it anymore, I love him like a brother and I just don't know what to do. I've looked up supportive websites on the do's and don'ts but I just don't know how to approach him and make it worse to where he needs to do it again.
You want honest advice? Stop seeing that person. Erase his number from your phone. Don't speak to him again. Just forget him. Look, he is an addict, that means that he will sell you (and his own mother too) to get his damned junk. You just can't trust a drug addict, unless you want to get into (deep) troubles. You have seen it, it's all about lying and drugs, the question is Do you really want more of this, and worse? You can't save him, and probably not even help him. I'm not an expert on drugs, but crack is related to heroin, and heroin addicts play with death and criminals on a daily basis. I don't care how you spell it right now, the shit is the worst stuff on earth (together with alcohol). Wake up, that's no friendship, he is using you, so get out of it while you still can. And look for codependency. You might have been experiencing that stuff. I know he might be a good person, but he is into deep troubles, and you don't want to get into such a thing, trust me, I've been there. You can try to warn his parents, or friends around him, but you are risking getting beat up (plus robbed) for nothing, so just walk away and let it be.
It's technically possible to smoke weed using aluminum foil, but it shouldn't have a chemical-ey smell to it, and there's a dozen better ways to smoke first. I agree that it sounds like he was doing crack. That doesn't mean he's an addict, though (and Vodkabaret is off the mark, crack is completely unrelated to heroin). It *does* mean he's using things you're not okay subsidizing, and that's a good reason not to lend him any money until he cleans up his act. If you want to help him? Be there for him. Don't enable his habit, but be a supportive friend. Most people who use crack don't get addicted, and having a strong social support network and drug-free people to spend time with is the best way to help him stay on the right path.
Crack has nothing to do with heroin. But both are really addictive and rally bad... One is an opiate and the other is a cocaine based drug. While it is possible to smoke weed from aluminum, he wasn't doing that and yes, you gave him money to buy crack. You are in a codependent situation. The only thing to do is detach 100%. He will lie, cheat, steal because the drugs almost immediately hijack reason centers in the brain. And he honestly won't care about what he's done either because he is not operating from a place of logic. I'm sorry to have to say this. I know how upsetting it is. But the only real choice is to completely break contact and encourage him to get help.
Thanks for the advice, now im just deciding on whether to stay and support him or just lose contact with him until its all over(if that ever happens). Its tough thing to do, just leaving someone because we've done a lot of things for each other and been through a lot. Its also tough to stay and try to be supportive because I feel like its just a repeat, me getting mad and him saying he won't do it again but does it the next week.
Whatever you do will be tough, as you said. If you decide to be there in some way, don't do it on your own : Get people involved, let them know what you are doing, not only for your own safety, but also to keep the perspective. When it comes to deal with someone we are emotionally involved with, we are at risk of ending up acting moved by your feelings and not your reason, and we do that, we can put both ourselves and the other party involved in danger. Keep yourself safe first, if you decide to try to keep him safe.
Well I told him about it. I said, what was that you were smoking last night and it didn't smell like week. He paused and glanced down a little. I looked him straight in the eyes and he looked the other way. He smiled a little bit and for some reason I did to. I almost laughed out loud for some reason. I guess because I knew I was right and he was wrong. He still denied it but I think we both know the truth now. I told him I don't care what he smoked last night just to quit it. He always has to have a reason or some sort of excuse. He can't just take what I said and say "alright". It was a rational argument no yelling or anything that would be aggressive. But then I don't know what hash smells like anyway. And again he didn't pay me back for the 20 like he said he would have. Im not angry about that, right now I don't really care for some reason.
It's crack or at the very least 'primoed' weed. I've been down this road with a friend with a wicked coke habit. I tried to even get him committed involuntarily (doesn't work unless you're related). Being somewhat of a chemist, I even made crack for him at times (long story). My best advice, don't give up on him but cut him off financially. My friend didn't end well, but you'll never know how this works out unless you try.
It's not hash. The problem with staying connected is setting and maintaining clear boundaries. *if* you can, at the toughest of times, say no to any remotely enabling behavior (which includes bailing him out of jams, picking him up or driving him to places where drug use is happening, loaning any sort of money, giving him a place to stay if he'd otherwise be on the street, etc)... then you can help. It's very, very hard to draw a line between codependency and healthy support of a friend, and one of the best ways to help with that is to ask for external validation from others who aren't codependent. I wish you the best. I hope he will listen to you but it is nearly impossible for someone who is smoking crack on any sort of regular basis to "just stop."
its not going away You need to stop hangout and stop lending money to support your friends drug habits. He not going to get help until he hits rock bottom, he want help himself. You can make him or convince him to do so.
I'd have to be there to smell what you did, to give a more definite answer, but from what you said, I'd wager it's one of two things: - Crack - Meth I know what those two things smell like, because I grew up with a mother who did the first, and I've been around and sold both of these for several years. Just a little factual tidbit here: Meth, if pure (or as close to "purity" as it can be), doesn't have a very notable odor, so if it was Meth, your friend has some low quality stuff. Meth is dangerous, no matter the quality, so this point is moot, but it is worth mentioning nonetheless. What can you do? Well, this depends on what you're willing to endure: The first option is to, as others have said, cut off almost-to-all contact with this individual. You can just not have anything to do with them, or you can keep yourself at a distance, only making an exception to remind them to get help or do something. Otherwise, you run the risk of ruining yourself, financially, emotionally, and even physically. You let your friend hit "rock bottom", or a point where they stop and think, "Whoa, okay. Maybe I do need to do something about this...", but be prepared for them to have 'one more go'; a kind of "Look at how hopeless/stupid/addicted I am... fuck it, I may as well embrace it!" period. My mother was particularly fond of these. You can talk to an addict, of any sort, but it rarely does any good. Usually they either get angry and, putting their addiction first, protect it, and remove you from their life, temporarily or permanently, or they are so harshly hit with guilt/shame, they retreat within themselves and resume using their addiction to cope with that guilt/shame. Again, my mother could never be "talked to", because she'd just run off and leave us for days, sometimes weeks. And why not? Friends/family are making you feel bad, and the addiction doesn't... unless you don't have/get your fix. It seems ridiculous or even stupid to believe, as somebody not addicted to something, but you have to understand this, drugs will fuck up your sense of self and perception -- legal or illegal. That's what they do; that's how dealers and manufacturers make their ends meet. Your second option is to call the authorities and report this house he frequents, and bank on them going to jail and this serving as a wake up call. It's ruthless, but it'd get him away from those drugs, and maybe it'd scare his ass into acting right. Of course, the problem with "scaring straight" is, it causes stress, because the fear of not wanting to be punished goes up against the desire of wanting to indulge, and this can result in a huge relapse. Again, to cite my own mother, she would always crack under pressure, and right back to the drugs she went. But there is obviously a lot of problems here. If your friend doesn't get off with a warning, he'll have that mark on his record. With his life seemingly limited now, he may as well go back to drugs which, again, make him feel good... unlike the reality of his life. So naturally I'd advise against this route, unless it becomes absolutely necessary, like a do or die situation. From what you describe, it isn't even that close. But I want to be totally, even brutally honest with you here, and provide you with all your options -- it's up to you whether or not you apply them. Don't try and win against another's addiction battle, because the best you can do is barricade them. You can't cure them, you can't exactly trust them, and you can't casually go into those types of situations -- they will break you; your patience, your optimism, your body, mind, and spirit. The best you can do is offer to help them, which means getting them into an appropriate program of sorts, or, when you have them around, not willingly contributing to their addictions by, saying, being their driver or provider. There's an old saying that goes, you can drag a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Much like a horse, you can lock up/barricade/isolate an addict, but you can't make them want to stop using -- they have to. They have to want to make the change, and mean it. Some will lie to you, saying they're better, and the moment they get free, you realize what a fool you were. To cite my mother one more time, she could fool the best of them, no matter their personal degrees or facility reputations, no matter if they were her parents or her children, so long as she wanted to use, she would use. Sometimes, you have to wait and watch people ruin themselves, or else they will never come around, or to you for the help they need. It's a hard lesson, but it is one that has served me well in life, even if it has cost me fragments of my humanity, and making me colder than I should be. You will only waste tears, energy, and time that, honestly, need to go towards yourself, your life, and the possibility of life after the addictions. That is when you can, finally, be there like you may want to. In the meantime, tend to yourself. Addicts are already ruining their lives, no need to ruin yours as well. Keep your fingers crossed and your prayers routine, if you're into that sort of thing.
^This right here is an exceptional response I agree, just walk away and don't encourage his habits. Avoid the addict as much as possible, you don't need him to wreck your life too.
The best thing you can do is getting the fuck away from this person. He's lying to you, he's asking you for money for drugs, he's making you wait while you're doing him a favor, then he tells some more lies. He is using you. Does a friend act like this? You may be his friend, but he sure as fuck isn't your friend. You could try talking to him seriously, tell him your concerns and (if you're still feeling like his friend) try to talk him into therapy. Maybe tell his parents or whatever, but if he's still lying and can't accept that he has a problem, then SAVE YOURSELF. Eventually he's going to grow on you like some parasitic weed, and harass you for money, for rides, for a place to smoke, etc. In case he's cooperative, then there's still hope for him. But if he raises a barrier between his lifestyle and your help, your part of the work is over. One thing I've learned over the years is "You can't save people from themselves."
