Since I was young, I was convinced who to be, basicly molded. Somehow, after being the fake me for a few years. I went through alot of "stuff", stuff I can't really explain. Now, I'm practicly blank within. After a bit of "soulsearching" I came across 2 versions of me. Not to be insulting, but one is the "fag" the other is the "swag". I don't know who to be. I'm also afraid of others judging to be either one. All I do is practicly copy others. :bang:
I have gone through (and still am) the process of finding "me". Due to my anxiety and the need\unrealistic desire to be liked by everyone, have felt that there is certain ways to behave accordingly (much to my demise). I would be afraid to express opinions (try being on the debating team and giving non committal responses). This occurs because I'm afraid of alienating one person by agreeing with another. This happened to such an extent that for the most part I would be afraid of developing my own opinions even privately in my head. In the last year I was driving myself crazy by focusing on the idea that I was just a bland person with little opinion that was my own. However with help I was able to realize that amongst my insecurities I was not just a pile of worries with no substance. My anxiety was not me, just something in my way that has been with me for a long time. Therefore I am my own person. Im just still learning about myself a little later than others. I hope something I wrote resonances with you.
