So its sort of an emergency. I've been dating a guy online for more than a year and we got really serious. Like we'd talk about marriage and kids and that kind of thing sometimes. For a while I really felt like he was the love of my life. But a lot of the time he'd get super depressed and suicidal, and it was on a regular basis which went on for months. It was such a drag coming home to someone who sort of just made me feel sad and fear for his life. And recently theres been tons of really awesome guys I've met that make me feel the same way he did and they're actually physically here. But I can't break up with him considering even discussing it pushes him to the edge. I can't imagine what he'd do if I actually said something along those lines. He said he feels like I'm ripping his heart out and it makes me feel terrible. What can I do?
You have to do what is right for you - what you want to do, otherwise you are giving in to a kind of emotional manipulation, be it real, or perceived. If the online relationship is no longer working for you and your feelings are not in the right place it's time to let go and be very firm and definite about your intentions. Well, this is what I mean by emotional manipulation. It's calculated to make you feel terrible and guilty and draw you back to him. If you give in to it, you will see a repeat pattern develop and it will become all the more difficult to walk away. I have to tell you that depression and enduring thoughts and ideas about suicide are far more complex than you imagine and that's why he needs to get himself help and engage with the people who are best able to support him. His mental wellbeing and stability does not depend solely on you or any decisions you make about your relationship. I'm not without sympathy towards your boyfriend, but you are not helping him if you stay. The relationship will be based on a lie and that's the last thing he needs. When people have serious mental health issues they need to know and hear the truth and have realtionships that are based on complete honesty. It's the only way they can begin to move forward.
