How to deal with loneliness

hey if u want ill be ur friend on here..i really need sumbody to talk to too that understands where im coming from..its getting to the point to where i just hate life and myself so fuking much but i have to smile at least sum days so that nobody asks questions and think im just as normal as them even tho inside i feel so fuking lost..i also think like a man thats why its so hard to try to make girl friends..they all think im dykey or just jealous cuz i get along better with their.boyfriends..and i dont care really i am who i am but its just rough when u want a girl to talk to that is like you and limes the same stuff besides guys all the time..it makes me wish sumtimes i could be born again..but i kno deep down i just need to find girls like.me to connect with and share thoughts and go out and do kool fun shit like rock climbing or sumthing similar not lame ass shopping or talking about hair makeup and nails..ugh. lol

---------- Post added 26th Feb 2015 at 12:42 AM ----------

ps whats ur major?

 

You are wrong, there is someone at your side.
Look at the mirror.

Stop wasting your time with your relatives. They are who they are and they'll never change. It's also up to them to act like they do, it's also their right.

Now you've got also a right to stop how you feel. You are not what you are feeling right now, what you are is your own thoughts, and you build them everyday, every single second.

You don't need friends, or moms, or anyone on earth (including the one) except yourself. That doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life on your own, being a superhero... It means that you need to stop being so dependent on what others think or say, and start to listen to yourself more. What do you need to feel happy? What do you really like? What annoys you? Get a notebook and start writing down stuff about yourself. You've been outside for too long, it's time to get inside, at least for a while.

In order to trust someone, you need to feel safe first. Maybe you need more time than others, and that's ok, everyone is different, so don't let anyone try to make you believe you need to fit into any mold. There is no need to rush stuff to prove yourself. Do what feels best, and don't put any pressure on how you really feel about someone.

About getting social and so on, there is a thread here that might help you
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/56450-looking-relationship-simpler-than-you-think.html

I hope this helps you. Good luck, and keep looking at the mirror (*hug*)

Ps: I'm also at your side, and EC too.

 

wow thats awesome..i too love science..my major is geology..biology was my second choice...i dont kno why ur unable to pm me my privacy setting is on everybody..anyway i tried to friend request u so hopefully it works

 

oh shit bummer

 

My situation's a little different because I'm ftm but I can relate to so much of what you're saying. My mum was also overly concerned about keeping up appearances and judged other people based on their looks, sexuality, social background and intelligence. I grew up thinking I was a lesbian. It's only been in the last few years that I've realised that I'm actually trans. My mum always said negative hurtful things about people who were gay and I was terrified of my family finding out about my sexuality. I could never talk about my feelings because I had no one to confide in who wasn't completely homophobic so I grew up feeling inferior to my brother and sister, not only because of my sexual orientation but because I was the odd one out, the black sheep of the family in all ways. My brother and sister were straight, outgoing, popular at school, good looking and I felt that my mum valued them more than me. I was shy, quiet, picked on at school, average looking and a loner. My family (especially my mum and grandmother) gave me the role of the victim, 'the one who was bullied'. I felt like i was going nowhere in life, other than fulfilling the role my family wanted of me. I felt like they didn't expect I wanted to be involved with all the things other teenagers my age were doing. My mum even told me some people don't have any friends and I was probably one of them. She said she didn't have any friends when she was my age, as though that made it OK and I shouldn't want for anything more. Inside I felt crushed and that my only purpose in life was to serve my family. My mum was hoping once I graduated and got a job I could rent a place for me and her, so she could escape her miserable marriage with my dad. She never thought I might want a life of my own with a partner and family, or friends.

When I came out to my mum about my sexual orientation, she acted like she was ok woth it even though she had said terrible things in the past about lesbians. She said she could accept 2 men together because she's realised that people can't help being gay but she said 2 women together was against nature. She said if that's the way I am she realizes I can't help it (she used to think being gay was a choice) but she said I can choose what I do about it. She said I could still get married (to a man, obviously). She said some men wouldn't mind. Failing that she said I could choose to be single and perhaps that's why some people are single, because they're gay but choose not to act on it. I was furious. After she could see I wasn't up for that, she suggested corrective therapy to make me straight and for a moment I almost gave in for the sake of an easy life.

At the same time I told my mum about my sexuality, I also told her I thought I might be transgender because I didn't feel like I was a gay woman. More like a straight guy. It wasn't until a year or so later that I properly realised I was trans though. My mum outed me to my immediate family. Initially they were fine about it, or so they said, but as time has gone on they have treated me terribly. My mum criticises my appearance because I no longer wear make up and wear men's clothes. She is very judgemental of people who don't conform to the gender stereotypes. For example she said lesbians are men in women's bodies and strongly disapproves of women dressing and behaving in a more masculine way. She won't even walk down the street with me any more, she's that ashamed of who I am. My sister no longer speaks to me since I came out as trans and my mum, sister and brother frequently do family events leaving me behind at home with my dad, who they also hate. They all rely on him for his money though. The atmosphere here is toxic and I need to get out but I'm not well enough to work at the moment because of my mental health, which my family are only making worse.

All I can advise is to get out the house as much as possible. Find people who respect you for who you are. It sounds as though you're very busy as it is but maybe volunteering for something you care about could help you meet new people and give you a different experience of people. Earlier this week, I told myself I'm done with people because I had lost faith in human kind but I have realised I am still holding out hope that there are good people out there who will accept me for who I am.

 

i thought she was ftm..either way who cares right..point is shit sux for alot of us gays..especially dealing with loneliness..thats why i go to bars i have virtually no friends..except guys..sux...

 

you can try and explore some new hobbies that can help you deal with your loneliness. picking up an instrument, learning and cooking new recipes, reading a certain genre of books, swimming, take up a martial arts form since you like to go to the gym or write in a journal that contains your thoughts.

if your family isn't willing to change for the greater good on both ends, then you live your life the way you want it. we reach a certain point in our lives when we realize we can't always impress your family members no matter what you do. it sucks but the best thing to do is give it time really. there will be other kinds of people that will accept you for who you are. if things aren't going the way you want it to, the best thing to do, at least for me, is to start over again. you'll find yourself more comfortable and a feeling of relief rather then to weigh yourself down.

 

Your situation is a really tough one. You sound very smart, just stuck in a situation that doesn't have a lot of good options. That's tough. My mother was in a similar situation. I grew up in a family of five in a two bedroom trailer. I don't know how she managed it, my mother worked all day and still keep the house spotlessly clean. She was very strict with us. She took night classes and for years I fell asleep every single night listening to her playing her lectures. When she graduated I remember her constantly changing jobs. I didn't realize it at the time but she was climbing the ladder. She taught all us kids to manage our own lives, basically from the time we started walking. I remember drying dishes before I started kindergarten. I would get mad that she wouldn't let me dry the pots and pans because they were too heavy for me. By the time I was 12 I could completely manage myself, and I did. She ended up being the chief assistant to the CEO of St. Judes. She proved to me I can do ANYTHING if I just keep working at it. She died of cancer when I was 23. She was such a powerful inspiration and role model for me and I have had a great life because of her influence. It wasn't easy for me either though. I inherited her propensity for depression but like her it didn't stop me. I've been a VP of two companies, have a job a love, a lover that's been that's been the best thing that has ever happened to me, things couldn't be better. It will get better for you too but... you HAVE to keep going. That's the key. Keep studying and moving the ball forward inch by inch if that is what it takes. Keep making progress. It will pay off. It does it every time. Good luck! I'll be thinking about you!

 

Parts of what you are going through is the same stuff I'm going through with my mom