I don't feel like I really fit anywhere in the gay community, at least not in my area... there's this general cattiness and back-stabbing going on, always this undertone of exclusion and false intimacy. I don't get it, I don't feel like anyone gets me, straight people can't understand what I'm going through and neither can gay guys apparently. They all talk shit about each other, yet they all fuck each other... what?! Is this a joke? I don't think I've ever felt so lonely, at least not since coming out. This is ridiculous, my own kind seems to resent me more than my straight friends ever could... at least I have them, even though they don't understand. I wish I had gay friends, real gay friends who I could turn to, who would understand, but apparently that's too much to ask. I'm so angry right now, I'm doing everything I can without being clingy or weird but it's not enough, I'll still always be the odd one out because I don't want to be like them. I guess I'm meant to be lonely, the odd one out, everything points to that, it's always been like that in some way and I hate it, I don't want to accept it but it's becoming more and more obvious. I'm meant to be alone, no one gets me because I don't understand anyone else.
Maybe it's better if you don't fit in with people like them. Be proud that you're not like them. I have only seen this kind of behavior from MOST of my female classmates in high school: always gossiping and spreading rumors behind the others' backs, acting like they are BFF, while getting offended at the same time at every fucking thing. Then comes revenge, and that completes the circle. Fortunately there were a few intelligent ones too. Are these guys the kind of guys who live up to the stereotypes about gay people? Because I can see that many gays who are more feminine and lives according to the expectations about gay people, may copy this behavior that is quite common among girls, because they believe it to be 'normal'.
You sound like me 30 years ago (I'm 58). I guess social acceptance of gays hasn't changed things. Not yet anyway. *sigh* I've had a love-hate relationship with gay men my entire adult life. Sorry, I know this sounds prejudice but most gays just don't behave like normal people. I always assumed it's form being outcasts but I don't really know the reason. You shouldn't give up hope though. I found a really great guy and we have been together for 23 years. We plan to get married this year (feels really weird to be honest, after all this time, but I'm really excited about it). You just have to keep looking, that's all. That's what I did. I never gave up hope and it paid off. It will for you too. That's because there are some really, really great guys out there. But it takes an effort to find them. Just keep trying.
sounds like the type of gays that perpetuates stereotypes. no matter where you go, you never alone in anything really. someone is bound to have something in common with you. i completely understand what you're feeling, especially about having a bit more lgbt friends to hang around with that wouldn't want to fuck you for a change. it'll pass pretty soon, i can tell you that from experience. in fact, it's great to be the odd ball out sometimes.
