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A bunch of questions in one huge wall of text.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by My True Self, Feb 27, 2015.

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  1. My True Self

    My True Self
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    1. Pretty much my whole life I've been expected to be better than everyone else and treated like I'm worthless and serve no purpose other than to take up space. Very few people in my family take me seirosly. My mom says no-one is perfect and yet she says I have to be. I can't dress o/r act butch and I can't have short hair. I can't live up to her standards. What should I do?

    2. I want to join the army when I'm old enough (2 people in my family were in the navy, 1 in the air force and my younger cousins want to be in the navy and air force and my cousin in law tried to join the army but got discharged because of mental health issues so it kind of is becoming what everyong in the family does once they graduate highschool and/or collage.). The problem with all of this is that my mom expects me to do 6-8 years of collage that she promises to pay for along with a trust fund that I'll get when I'm 18. There's a lot of pressure on me to go to collage and get a degree and I'm actually expected to stay home because I'm not the kind of person my mom thinks belongs in the army (A.K.A. her duaghter) . How should I convince her that this isn't a horrible idea? I would hate staying home and going to collage because I don't know what I would want to do ith my life other than be in the army.

    3. I'm not allowed to have free time. At all. Ever. I'm not allowed to relax and I have to deal with other people's problems. I have too many chores and responsibilies for me to handle mentally (Physically it's fine.). How should I ask my family about fixing this? I know a lot needs done around the house but I can't do it all myself.

    4. My mom makes my life a living h*ll and blames me when SHTF. She never phyically hurts me but makes me afraid of her and threatens me a lot. She always says that what she does isn't bad enough for it to be abuse? Is there any way to be less stressed out when she does this to me?

    5. My mom doesn't care that I'm depressed any says I'm overdramatic and that my feelings don't matter and everyone is suicidal at this age so I need to grow up. My grandpa makes jokes that aren't meant to be hurtful be they are. He doesn't know/understand this. What can I do to get them to understand?

    6. Is there any way to get over being nervous about coming out? My cousin tries to help but she lives far away (10-15 minutes.).
     
    #1 My True Self, Feb 27, 2015
  2. Sam I Am

    Sam I Am
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    Man, your post takes me back. Growing up, my mom only rarely got physically abusive, but the emotional abuse was everywhere.

    1. You will never be able to meet her standards. Carrying 4 AP classes? Why aren't you taking 6? Doing after-school athletics? Why aren't you also working a part-time job? At some point, she will have to learn to manage her expectations better, and you will learn how to dismiss her expectations as irrelevant Figure out what YOU want and what YOUR goals are, then strive to meet them. Whether or not she values what you value doesn't have to direct the course of your life.

    2. If there's a trust fund, there's so many options for you! If you join the armed forces, they'll pay for college for you after you're out, and you can save that money for other things: grad school, down payment on a house, etc. Also, by that age you'll be more serious and focused on what you want to study in school and do with your life. Tell you mom that joining the military is actually a sound financial decision.

    3. Are you the only child? What sorts of things do you have to do each day? Need to know more to understand the situation.

    4. Without knowing more, this sounds like emotional abuse. You should NEVER be afraid of your parents. Studies of neuroscience have shown that emotional pain hurts just as much as physical pain.

    5. There's two parts to this. First, take care of yourself. Depression is a terrible burden and suicidal feelings should NOT be taken lightly. If you can't get support at home, then talk to a counselor at school. They will have resources for you. Second, your mom honestly sounds like she came from an abusive childhood herself and never learned how to deal with her own emotions, so she's taking her problems out on you. As soon as I learned to see my mom as a flawed and sick human instead of as a source of authority, it changed everything.

    7. Is there anyone else you can talk to? Do you have friends at school?

    You only have a few more years, and then you're out of there! Remember that your mom does not intend to hurt you, she's just a very emotionally stunted person who isn't capable of understanding what she's doing to you. Walk the high road, be the better person, and keep this in mind when you deal with her. Managing other people's emotions is exhausting, but it's not forever. Once you are 18 and free of this place, your entire life will be ahead of you.

    Random thought: Is there any way you can live with your cousin?
     
    #2 Sam I Am, Feb 27, 2015
  3. My True Self

    My True Self
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    I've tried telling her this but she's more worried about the danger and what people would think (She's worried people will think she messed up as a parent if I join the army.).

    I'm the only child and have to wash the wooden floors on my hands and knees with a rag (Which I don't mind, it gives me time to think.), wash all the clothes, towel and dishes in the house once a week whether their dirty or not., clean the kitchen, living room, dining room and my room thoughly once a week, bath the dog (Which I don't mind since she's mine that I inheirited when my grandma died.), wash the dishes that are dirty every day even though we have a dish washer, clean the pool in the summer, clean the basment monthley, wash all the clothes and towels that are dirty every other day and anything else that needs done but my mom doesn't feel like doing.

    I don't have a counseler to go to because I'm home-schooled and the church I go to doesn't have one anymore.

    I have some friends but I'm not very close to most of them because I have trust issues.

    Unfortuatly not. Financially it would be feasible but they have too many cats (I'm afraid of cats because of bad expeirineces when I was little.) , there's no schools close enough, and I can't handle life in a larger town well enough (We found that out when my mom sent me to live with my cousin and her wife for a while over the summer and again for a few weeks in fall because my cousin was the only person who could convince me to do anything and even she had a hard time getting me to do simple things like eating and showering.).

    Sorry for any spelling mistakes, I'm exusted and the only reason I'm up is no matter how tired I get I have to stay awake until 9 or 10 P.M. depending on what mood my mom's in and its only 7 P.M. right now.
     
    #3 My True Self, Feb 27, 2015
  4. Monraffe

    Monraffe
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    My, you are the precocious one. And in possession of such natural wisdom too. If not for the pain in your voice I would feel happy for you. Instead, I wonder what will become of you. Will you ever find a way to control your own destiny? Many that fail deserve to succeed. Many that succeed deserve to fail. Will the day come when finally you have the power to decide your own fate? The fate of others? Do not be too eager to deal out judgement. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. For good or ill, your mother has a part to play in your life and that part may or may not rule your fate. But that is not for you to decide. All that you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given you. Be not being. Let go of the handlebars. If you want to have everything, then for heaven's sake, give everything up.
     
    #4 Monraffe, Feb 27, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2015
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