Hello, I'm back again to talk about my negative emotions. This week was going okay, I was getting into my old sleep schedule I used to have and now it's usually early morning when I wake up. I've been trying to practice music and draw more often than usual to keep my mind off of things. The only setback I seem to be having is that my schedule is similar to my old schedule back when I used to work in the army. Not until today I seemed to be bothered by it, when I reflected back to some memories both good and bad. I feel like I miss being there because, in a way, I sort of liked living on my own even though I wasn't on my own truly. The place I was stationed at was horribly depressing, but the towns nearby, far from the post, were really the most fascinating and beautiful places I've seen and experienced. Those places are what I really miss and reflect a lot on. Winter hasn't been so well. I sleep in when it snows, the sun is always going down so early in the evening, and the cold just sucks the joy out of every activity. I'm feeling impatient because the place I live at isn't so much a place that would be good for anyone's self-esteem or really make them happy. I tried to hang out with my old friends, and I noticed that it isn't the same as hanging out with the friends I made in the army. My old friends aren't so friendly as I perceived them to be. They act like everything is competition, they usually don't care about what's going on with each other, and somehow they're the rudest immature people I've seen in the past year. In my heart I like talking to my army friends more often then my old friends, which I do. I feel like I should move to that beautiful place and possibly risk homelessness, even though I don't have the financial means to do so. It's like I'm not happy anymore. I still try to do things I like, but everything around me just seem so negative and soul crushing. I don't know what I want to do and it's been frustrating.
