Do i have a personality disorder?

I guess I would say I'm a very shy person that was never really to good at keep friends and family some reason hate me I guess this apply to me too

 

Maybe. Maybe not. You can have some inkling, but I wouldn't put a great deal of thought into it, unless it is something you are concerned about. At this point, I'd recommend seeing a professional of sorts.

To put this all into perspective, if you took all my traits -- past and/or present -- I would be, or have the following:

- Sociopath/Antisocial Personality Disorder
- Schizoid Personality Disorder
- Narcissistic
- Borderline Personality Disorder

But I don't fit them in the sense, I am able to dance in and out of them, and there are several contradictions:

For example, many sociopaths are thought to be poorly planned. I'll admit, in the past, this could happen, but when I wanted to do something, I could meticulously plan something for weeks. I was the epitome of premeditation, though it took a bit of trial and error to get there, but I did.

Schizoids can lack the ability to express some emotions, but this isn't true. I was very filled with anger and apathy as a child. I could even experience -- though passing - bits of joy and pleasure. Even today, while it is much better, they still do exist. Also, I've been told the way I speak, is very emotionally expressive and even emotionally inducing. I am also not impervious to praise or criticism; in fact, I like hearing praise, because it reminds me of the good I do.

Narcissism is the love of self. While I do have an ego, I also have issues due to being transgender. I'm also not foolish enough to believe I'm perfect, which again, sort of breaks that label for me. However, I do love myself enough, despite believing this body is not right for me, to take care of it. I'm also not unaware of others around me, and do not believe everything is "about me".

Borderline Personality Disorder. Some aspects do seem fitting, but I can easily control myself, if I need to. I'm pretty tight with money, and I'm not sexually reckless. I can control impulsive desires, which is said to trouble many with this disorder. I have disciplined myself in a few ways that, honestly, most with this disorder would not be willing to experience.

Which would mean, I probably don't possess any of those. So the point here is, if you look for something, you will probably find something that fits. However, self-diagnosis is rarely a wise idea, because it may cause tremendous stress. Anybody can "cherry pick", basically.

 

I have worked a lot with people who have mental illness and some that have personality disorders. I studied the crap out of personality disorders. You are right that those with personality disorders (specifically borderline personality disorder) are at a high risk for self harm. This doesn't mean that because you self harm you have the disorder. The relationship issues is a big part of this disorder and from your answer stating that you are good at keeping relationships so you're good there. As for the controlling emotions section, you are 15 and that seems pretty normal to me lol. Also personality disorders the traits or indicators are pervasive meaning that they appear in all aspects of the persons life and not just certain situation.
Everyone has personality traits that are imperfect In my (semi) professional opinion you do not have a personality disorder. Although if you are not already you should speak to a professional about self harming. You may have another psychological condition that is leading you to cope with life in this way.
If you are still curious about personality disorders I suggest you search "Back from the Edge" on youtube. It is a documentary about borderline personality disorder and people talk about their own experiences.
I hope this helped!
All the best

 

If you are concerned about your mental health and you would like more, reliable information or support it might be worth checking out these excellent UK websites: Information & support | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems
Child & Adolescent Mental Health - YoungMinds

If you are struggling to cope with self harm/self injury, you could check out the UK website for Lifesigns: LifeSIGNS | user-led self-harm voluntary organisation

 

Like Kaiser says I would be very surprised if anybody could read through the personality disorders and fail to relate somewhat to at least one of them.

It helps to think of personality disorders and many of the traits existing on a spectrum. As evidenced by the answers you've provided, you're thinking along those lines. For example, I crave excitement but I can usually shut up and/or control myself when it's in my best interests. Nowadays I wouldn't touch an electric fence just to shock people.

Ultimately I couldn't tell if you have a disorder or not. I'd have to to get my qualifications first LOL. Then we'd have to talk about your life and rule out other causes. Such as discovering how much of it is environmental and/or clinical.

I think the fictional character Yuno Gasai has a rather extreme case of borderline personality disorder. One could argue that she's got antisocial and sadistic traits but the anime would probably be boring if she didn't kill people. People with borderline disorder are usually more dangerous to themselves. That ain't the picture you'd get if you read stories online about people getting burned by their borderline partners. It's a bit like product reviews because people are more likely to report their negative experiences than positive experiences. It's a terribly misunderstood disorder, and so are many other disorders.

 

It's best not to try and diagnose yourself and leave that to the professionals. If you are struggling with your mental health though, your first point of call would be your GP and take it from there. If your school has a counsellor, that could be helpful to you as well.

 

Honestly there's nothing doctors and counsellors haven't heard. I'm not sure what the policy is though for your age category, as in whether they have to tell your parents. Can anyone advise?