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Getting close to my breaking point

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by choirsmash, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. choirsmash

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    I was always told "God won't give you anything you can't handle" and I'm not sure I believe that. I feel like I've been played by this "God" they're talking about. He gains my trust and then smashes me to the ground. I spent my entire summer building my relationship with God back up and now it's gone. I can't deal with the crap anymore. I'm so angry at this God who had played me for years. Every time I think things are getting better, something happens and it all goes back downhill. I'm so close to losing my mind..and I'll have no access to anyone to talk to in person if it keeps snowing. I'm done with winter, I'm angry at God. I just can't deal with this
     
  2. kindy14

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    Awe hun, don't give up on God.

    What is really bugging you to get you to your breaking point??
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    If you have been brought up to believe that idea about God there is no wonder you are struggling so much right now. I really don't mean this in a personal way, but if I'm being honest I find the idea that God is responsible for all things, in all places to be a little bit naive and childish. If we accept that premise about God it will inevitably colour our relationship with 'Him' and will lead to the sort of pain and distress you are now experiencing. If we can let go of the idea that God is constantly directing the whole of creation and pulling the strings in our life like some master puppeteer or wizard we will have a much better relationship with Him. So what do you think? How about letting go of the idea that God is somehow responsible and seeking a new way of understanding that is more intelligent.. and healthy?

    Life will throw us a bad deal sometimes and it can be incredibly hard to handle. God can be a source of strength and comfort during those times (if you are inclined to believe in Him) but we should also draw huge amounts of strength and comfort from human relationships and talk about our feelings. I hope you will find a way to tell us more, because we all care and would like to help. Even if other people have let you down, there are lots of people on this forum who would like to understand and help, if we can.

    If you are close to your breaking point it's really important to give yourself an outlet and say exactly what's on your mind. When you talk about your breaking point, what does that mean?

    We're all here for you. (*hug*)
     
  4. choirsmash

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    When I say my breaking point, I mean that I will completely break down and lose my mind in some way.
    I don't even know what's going on. There is so much going on in my mind that I don't even know how to begin addressing it.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Sometimes it's hard to find a beginning or the 'right' words to describe what we are feeling, but our emotions are not perfect things and we don't need to find a perfect way to describe them. Tell us what you can, if you can? If we need to know more are you okay with answering questions?

    I'll keep checking this thread if you are willing to say a bit more.
     
  6. lostluvr

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    hey i was just curious what ur signature means or where it came from? just cuz it struck me in a strange way in relation to my life..but about ur situation i totally and completly understand where ur coming from..sumtimes i just call "god" "life"..but yea lifes a bitch..its totally fuked up how in this world we have to learn things indirectly..like why cant "god" just tell us how to live our lifes and then decide if were good or bad by if we decide to follow..but that would be simple..life throws us thru weird loops..sumdays ull think u have it together have things figured out know where ur at and feel ur where ur supposed to be then suddenly sumthing will come and completly shatter ur idea..i mean theres a million reasons we can percieve it as to why...but will we ever know for sure? not in this life..i have learned however in my own personal life that theres always a reason why i go thru the shitty things i do and ive learned to just wait to find out why instead of feeling all the effects..tho i admitt sumtimes feeling all the bullshit is uncontrollable and i give in..maybe its lifes way of making us realize we cant be too comfortable in feeling on top of the world..imagine how different life would be if everybody felt good and empowered all the time..id imagine that people would abuse this power to try and hurt others..think of how the government abuses its power over us..i imagine that shit would make us just as selfish..but when lifes a bitch to us it allows us to be down on ourselfs to allow others to have the moment to feel better about themselves from just from helping us thru those times..idk..even tho i find ways to justify lifes occasional fuked up ways i still sumtimes slip into the dark side and spiral downhill instead of waiting to see the reason why that event happend..which i always do notice later on down the road then feel stoopid for how i reacted but i guess thats just a part of being human..i see god and faith now as "i have faith that in the end of my life, life was fair to me.." eaning the shitty evened out with the good..there was an equal balance atleast..not just shitty or too much good..cuz then id feel i still owe life to make.up for the too much good..but thats just me..im wierd..i think ALOT..and im one of those overly sensitive people..not like im emotional all the time but i feel people and feel shit that not many other people do... :/ sux..
     
  7. choirsmash

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    PatrickUK, yeah I'm okay with answering questions. That might get me farther than trying to collect my thoughts by myself.

    lostluvr, the first quote is one of my teacher's signatures for their email and I really liked it. Plus, J.R.R Tolkien is awesome. The second quote is from "For Good" in Wicked and it basically describes my music teacher (came out to him first) and everyone else (including people on here) who have been helping me along this journey. Oh, and the Star Wars smiley in between is just because I really like Star Wars
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    How much is your current state of mind connected to your sexuality?
     
  9. choirsmash

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    Pretty much all of it
     
  10. choirsmash

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  11. choirsmash

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    Ok so on another forum, someone asked me to explain what I meant by God playing me. It helped me to figure out what's going on in my head so here's my latest thought on the topic:

    Him playing me is more of an over the course of my life thing, the snow just makes it worse. Like when I was really young I was sorta away from God and in middle school had a conversion and then he threw all sorts of crap at me in high school which caused be to sorta turn away again. I spent this past summer just building my relationship back up with God and now he's brought me back down and I've turned away again and I just don't even see how I can forgive it all.
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    You said that your sexuality is affecting your current state of mind, but would it be fair to say that religion and your relationship with God is a source of conflict? If you take religion and God out of the equation, does it change how you feel about your sexual orientation? Tell us what you can and we will try to help you.
     
  13. choirsmash

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    If I took religion and God out I would still feel a little conflicted about my sexuality. I feel like I'm wrong and I feel like my parents would be disappointed. I think it's more that I've been brainwashed to believe that it's wrong, though.
     
  14. PatrickUK

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    I wonder if you have heard of Pastor John Pavlovitz? He is the leader of a Church in North Carolina and has spoken in defence of LGBT people - especially young LGBT people. It may bring you some comfort to read his blog:
    john pavlovitz
     
  15. choirsmash

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    I just read the first blog entry on the page (saving it as a bookmark though) and I thought "you know, maybe I should tell my youth pastor." I think I'll do that. The complication there is that I technically have two youth pastors (two different youth groups) and they're friends. The one closer to me that I was thinking about telling talks to the other one often and asks him for advice on these things. I'm not sure if I want the other one to know yet, but maybe it would be better for him to find out that way anyway, I don't know. Anyway, that was pretty helpful in that aspect, thanks!