There are many positives about being Asian, not least because Chinese New Year allowed me to get more money haha. This next part is the problem with meeting people sexually. I was in the showers at a pool. The shower room is open plan. I noticed one really hot white boy (completely my type) getting aroused watching me and likewise, so was I viewing him. He then approached me and said, "You're cute, but I wish you weren't Asian ..." ending with a mention of the possibility of sex, if I was not asian. I'll probably still see him from time to time, since we started small talking and he's overwhelmingly easy to talk to and nice. So my question is aimed primarily at people who want to be with people who aren't the same ethnicity as you. How do you cope? Do you just ignore it, much in the same way as "you're not my type". For instance, some parents (mine included) don't want me to date fully Chinese people, black or white people and instead want me to look for someone who is Chinese and has British citizenship through birth, ideally. Understandable, considering life in Britain is very different from the Far East. (*Note: I'm not out to them) Unluckily for them, I'm only sexually attracted to white boys. As much as I want to live my life how I want it and do (such as wanting to move away from home, against my family's wishes), at some point I will have to introduce "him" to my family.
I used to be in the same position as you where I didn't like being my ethnicity. I am half Japanese Quarter English and Quarter Irish, but I look very oriental. I was pretty much the only oriental in a school of 1500, as a result I got called all the usual names chink etc. But after a while (I'm 20 now) you just have to learn to accept yourself. You cannot change your ethnicity, so there is no point worrying about it. Don't forget that there are going to be white guys who like orientals too. Edit: BTW "You're cute, but I wish you weren't Asian ..." is such a cunt thing to say. Also, why are you limiting yourself just to a specific ethnicity? There is a strange culture of oriental people (gay and straight) wanting to be with white guys/girls.
Not to be rude but, you're doing the same thing to non-whites that whites are doing to you. I agree, "You're cute, but I wish you weren't Asian", is so vile to say. I would never even want to be associated with someone like that. That sentence doesn't even make sense. He thinks you're cute because of the way you look....but you wouldn't look like that without being Asian:dry:
i hope its not rude to ask but im studying cultural anthropolgy right now and im curious as to the difference between asian families and Hmong families
This is a surprising thing to read. I was expecting something more along the lines of "I don't like being fetishized."
I wouldn't even worry too much about this guy. With quality lines like he has, the boys will be all over that charming vocabulary. No. Just no. How is somebody supposed to take that? For one, as others have mentioned, it doesn't make sense. You look cute, but you look Asian. It'd be like me saying, you look beautiful, but I wish you weren't ugly! One possibility, here, is that perhaps he has some kind of issue with opinion. Is he a thin-skinned individual, who worries about what others think? Is he expected to be #WhiteIsRight? If so, he could have come up with a better excuse than what he did. The other possibility is, for some reason, he would rather make one question if he is racist, than to be engage in same-sex acitivities. Basically, racism is preferred to being da homoz. Or maybe, there's some kind of wit I'm missing here, some sort of seductive charisma to this. Perhaps I've been doing it wrong, for all these years... To answer your question, I suggest you do a little soul searching. You might be attracted to the taboo factor, since you mention your parents don't want you to do this, and even potentially dwelling on the thought of finding somebody, who so happens to meet the criteria of your parents, is a display of rebellion... or something deeper. Only you know that, and what could be contributing, but I would certainly hope, whatever color they may be, it is somebody who treats you with respect.
Although I disagree with the idea that the fact that you have preferences makes you equally as guilty as this individual because it is completely possible for people to have aesthetic preferences that were not birthed from prejudice or bias, the fact that you have taken this situation to mean that the flaw is within you makes it clear that there is an issue here. I have to echo the voices of other members within this thread that I would consider putting some thought into the reasons why you feel this way about both yourself and the specific group that you are attracted to. A friend of mine was once received that "She was very beautiful, but too dark for them." It ultimately comes down to social conditioning. When this image of a specific standard of beauty is instilled in us from adolescences. The ideal of finding satisfaction with a member of a specific sex, race, expression, social status, nationality, etc. The subconscious influence of these ideas can be significant. This is why the claim of racial preference specifically is often followed by questions of whether it has to do with racism or fetishization. If you could imagine yourself being sexually active with members of a specific race or ethnicity yet feel that you could never actually be with one romantically, then chances are that those feelings are based in something deeper than you imagine.
Thanks for the replies. I think my problem is that all through me childhood: primary, to secondary, to sixth form, to university have been dominated by white people and especially boys and my exposure to other ethnicities has been limited. Apart from my 4 years at Chinese school as a young child (under 9yo), I've never been friends with Asians. My exposure to black people and others has been severely limited, until I did some volunteering in Central and South London. The only think that I was told about black people were that they were extremely hard workers and very true, in my experience. As you are aware, many psychological and physiological preferences are set out early on. My Mum is not very happy (without racist language) concerning Chinese born Chinese and other short-term immigrants (Gypsies, African-French, to name a couple). This ideal is very common amongst immigrants that came over a decade or two ago. Like stereotyping, it's wrong, but ingrained. I did ask him yesterday, "why?". He replied, saying he likes the body structure and face structure, but not the skin colour. He too, has grown up in the same community as me. He's only bi-curious. I left it there, since it was getting uncomfortable to talk about it. Perhaps another time. As someone with zero non-straight friends at any point in my life, it's nice to have someone offline like him to talk to with the same interests as me.
