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What will happen next? (Bullying\Coming out)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Jogos, Mar 6, 2015.

  1. Jogos

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    Hi all! For those of you who have read past posts on my bullying situation, here is an update and thank you all, I have both good and bad news... although the bad is in suspense. (Waiting to happen or not)

    Basically I went to a new class this year and was nice to everyone but this guy in my class, started saying "look its the faggot" whenever id come into school, "he is a stalker" , "disgusting" e.t.c because of nasty rumours his friends told him, although yes i am gay.

    Ive been told by you guys here to ignore it and have been trying my best, however the pain the words inflicted on me was a lot, and a few days back I was coming into school and he was with my class (even some i got along with in class) and said "look its the faggot" some of them questioned "who?" confused, and he said me.. then they proceeded laughing, i didnt look at them but i just walked off, I was so hurt, I wrote a letter to my psychology teacher who already knew me from last year, saying the mean comments he calls me, explaining that all i was to him was nice, and even added a very strict\morbid frase.

    I wrote it down and gave it to her, so today before going into psychology lesson, I was suprised, that a few guys who are friends with the homophobe after him telling them im gay, or in his words "a faggot" they spoke to me normally... if anything they were trying to push a conversation because, when they spoke i would reply to the question like "hey" id say "hey" back , thats it i didnt feel like engaging more because i was clearly hurt. When we went into the classroom i was super nervous, my throat even felt sick... because i was scared the teacher would out me... She spoke basically about how people cannot follow each other like sheep, and that we should accept differences in our society because there is nothing wrong with it, she didnt directly say homosexuality the word but you could understand it was about that, and she said "i understand im teaching psychology in this class but one you leave my door a lot of you arent acting in an appropriate manner....in fact between yourselfes there is discrimination and comments that are hurtful, which come from manipulative people who have low self-esteem"
    So basically I was so nervous but in a way proud of the lesson...

    Here is the bad news, at the end the teacher came up to me and said, ok you see what i did? and then she had mistaken the name of the homophobe in the letter (2 people in my class named josh) so she thought it was one that didnt come in, i said, no it was the other josh, yes he was here.. she then said "ohh, but i am surprised because he is very open minded and liberal" then she said "dont worry ill take care of him, i have the letter at home" and i said "ok, but please dont talk to him about it, i just want a mature.." and she said "no, i am not going to talk to him...I would recommend you and me arent seen together because that way he wont think it was you, and dont react to him, when he says things, just ignore pretend you have no idea ok, dont answer him back or get involved.. his behavior is childish but he got the message, now try to avoid him, because next year you wont be around him"

    thats what my teacher said to me, I was both so happy but then my anxiety made me feel nervous... yes he WILL know it was because of me, when she spoke of "discrimination, its the 21century we need to accept each as they are in the class" so basically once again I will be the topic of conversation but what scares me is... last year i told her, im moving to another city to go to university... but actually financially i cannot, and when she said "ill take care of him, no dont do anything, dont tell anyone, just ignore" what does that mean? I am super scared... because i just want it to be over, do you think its over? should i email my teacher?

    Btw this is the first time i think theres been at least in a decent way a "sort of coming out" and in the country i am in, i was so confused why the few guys who used to speak to me and are friends with the homophobe, are acting the same way around me?? Do you think they will still act normal around me monday? Im so nervous, i know i shouldnt be but please tell me what u think will happen?? I really didnt want to write a letter and give it to my teacher, but his behavior had to stop.
     
  2. Michael

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    Sorry you are going through this. Yes, you need to stop this, so if you can do it with the aid of a good teacher (I think she is pretty good), then by all means do it...

    ... Which doesn't mean you should expect her to do all the job. You need to stand up for yourself and confront this person. Don't allow him to say shit about you. Confront him.

    He might be troubles, so you better make sure the way you confront him doesn't give you his troubles. He might be also gay in denial, and those folks can be mean as a rabid dog, so be careful there.

    But don't allow him to talk shit about you in front of others, unless you want to risk this bull to spread all around you. It could turn into a really shitty situation. Try to avoid that, you don't need this.
     
  3. Sporkstress

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    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a situation like this. However, I'm inclined to agree with the above poster in that confidence can take you a long way. I know that that is easier said than done. But it sounds like your teacher is willing to help (example: talking to the class) but is also encouraging you to not worry and forget about the said bullies. And that is a route you can choose to take, if you wish. Some people can do this flawlessly; my sister being one of them. However, this only works with confidence, I think. If you want to choose to brush them off and ignore them, then do so CONFIDENTLY - think positive thoughts like "I know there are accepting people out there, I just have to focus on *insert goal here, graduating school or saving money to move or whatever* so I can get there", or "being gay does not make me a bad person, its an awesome part of me that I love and those who don't can get out of my life" kind of thoughts. Or whatever thoughts that just make you feel more confident in yourself. Otherwise, if you just simply ignore them and live in fear, they are still technically getting through to you, and the ignoring will have been for nothing. And THAT is something I think your teacher maybe should have mentioned or implied. But anyways, you've heard it here. Confidence ... Confidence! :wink:

    I can't speak for above poster, but for me, the reason I say all this, is that one speech of equality isn't probably going to sway this bully, even if your teacher had happened to say something a LOT more specific (example: calling you and him out, quit being a homophone, etc). Chances are, it will take a bit more work. Who knows, I could be wrong, but usually, these things take a bit more than one talk. I'm not saying that to discourage you - but rather, saying so in hopes to maybe prepare you. Being confident and either: A), putting them in their place, or B), simply being confident in yourself and ignoring their hate is possibly a better way to go.

    As for the other guys in your class .... I sense a "follow the leader" sort of trend, like your teacher mentioned. I wouldn't worry about the other guys in your class. In fact, I bet if you managed to talk to them separate or away from the main antagonizer (I think you said his name is Josh?) That they are semi-decent people, especially if they tried to start a conversation with you. Of course, I'm assuming and generalizing, but you never know.

    I truly hope it all works out for you. You don't deserve to go through this. I hope said bully backs off a bit, at least. Good luck!