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Where does it all end?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by medomedo, Mar 7, 2015.

  1. medomedo

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    So I'm a 20 year old male who just came out to his family. Years in advance of this I always knew my orientation (perhaps even from the age of 7) and have actually never questioned it, strangely. I only ever broke down over it when I told my family. I guess this is because doing this forced me to deal with the very difficult task of redefining myself as who I really was, rather than the straight guy I appeared as (I never really pretended to be this - I was kind of disguised as I never flew a flag over my sexuality).

    Seven weeks after coming out I still cannot come to terms with things. I have met several really nice guys but I cannot seem to bring myself to go out with them. I am not a stereotypically gay figure - I don't like promiscuity (which seems slightly more rife in the gay community). I'm living with anxiety every day - I feel constantly like there's a film over reality and that I'm detached from myself. It's difficult to explain. I have questioned my gender throughout this whole thing as well, as I have never felt strongly masculine or strongly feminine. Even though this feeling of dysphoria continues, when I see myself in the mirror I don't feel like I hate the body I'm in, in fact I feel quite attracted to my own body and deep down I know I am a cisgender guy just as much as deep down I always knew I was gay-leaning. I exhibited signs of both masculinity and femininity at different times as a young boy (loved lego and toy cars - but also loved programmes such as sailor moon), but never had feelings like this in childhood. Yet the day to day anxiety and sleeplessness continues and I'm not sure why.

    I feel very bitter over the loss of heterosexual privilege I'll have to put up with over my life. I wonder why my sexual attraction had to be the way it is (but I want to learn to accept it very soon). I really do wonder why I feel this way, my parents actually didn't care when I told them, and we're a catholic family! :eek:

    Has anyone had similar experiences? I am eager to get on with my life and accept myself for who I am. Where does it all end?
     
  2. thatsme

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    Hey I think I know what you mean. I'm constantly anxious as well, I can't believe how homophobic the world is. I think is normal for LGBT people to get depressed and worried after all we have to go through. If you have trouble staying conscious and accepting yourself I recommend ''The Power of Now'' by Eckhart Tolle, at first I thought it was a bunch of nonsense since I don't believe in spirituality but it has helped me a lot.
    Also just because you haven't met the right guy in seven weeks doesn't mean you never will, seven weeks is a really short period of time.
    Oh and sexuality and gender are very fluid, they change over time that's normal too. I think it's just one of the wonders of our amazing minds.
     
  3. medomedo

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    I've sent away for the book! Hopefully it might help in me just getting to grips with everyday life again. I dunno, I have just had so many new feelings that I don't understand. I suppose because I kept things hidden for so long my identity has just been thrown up in the air. Thank you for your kind words
     
  4. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    I'm 50 years old, my identity is anything but set. Your mileage may vary. Accepting you for yourself is the most important thing you need to do.

    I like guns, cars, motorcycles, camping, photography, video games, gardening, cooking, drawing. I've mostly presented myself as the stoic, don't let anyone know I feel anything guy, but I cry when movies or a news story touches my heart. Or when one of my crushes doesn't show up or text me. I like guys, I like gals. I don't want to have to choose, I want to be with whomever I want.

    I'm also a father, ex-husband, and a caregiver based on archetypes.com

    I've never felt I fit 100% into the typical definitions of masculine (courage, independence, and assertiveness) though, nor feminine (gentleness, empathy, and sensitivity.)

    I've come to accept that I'm not a label. You don't live your life to conform to a label, you live it to make yourself happy. The labels are just shorthand for some of your attributes and behavior. It's not who you are though.
     
  5. medomedo

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    You, sir, say some wise things. I just hate living with the anxiety all the time. But I am hoping it will stop soon. I've joined an LGBT+ counselling service near London now so hoping that will help me to come to terms with things as well.

    I don't want to be a label either, I hate labels and don't want to conform to them. Only thing being that I've always been happy to conform to the male gender label (AND almost everything that comes with it) yet suddenly after coming out I start questioning it for myself, and not a shred of evidence from my childhood that it was questioned before. This is directed to anyone out there, not just kindy14. Could this be transient, just a part of coming out? Or is it possible just to be in denial about it?

    I'd just like to know when the anxiety will end and my life will begin again...
     
  6. EnviroLady

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    Hey I don't have any examples of gay men on YouTube but try watching kaelyn and Lucy. They show how normal it is to be a lesbian and that really sexuality doesn't matter, we are all human and all desire love, shelter, food and clothing and something to do to fill in our time. All the best.