being forced to leave my parents house by my mam.

So I just feel I need to share this,

I've had serious issues with my mother since I was young. She's always "been there" for me but they've also been very controlling and stopped me from getting help for issues I had with learning difficulties and mental health when I was growing up. Shes also been very emotionally difficult in ways that are hard to describe without getting into all the details. I've had problems with my dad as well, but not as bad as with my mam.

I moved back with my parents after having a bad time in my life where I was struggling to come out about being genderqueer, find work and find somewhere to live.

I thought this was a good time because I'd already confronted them about a lot of the issues I had growing up and they are both not working right now. But there'd been some issues and things got bad again.

Then on monday my mam, said she wanted to talk to me and just basically started attacking me. She brought up all this stuff from when I confronted her about stuff growing up and said that I was obsessed with the past and was just taking my issues out on her. She said that I was aggressive and angry and she thought I was going to attack her all the time. Then she kept saying this stuff about how its about an older woman living with her "son". I recently tried to tell her about being abused as a child as well, but she brought this up as well and seemed to imply I was making these feelings of being abused up.

None of these things are true, I am not an angry or aggressive person at all. She said a lot of other things but these are the bits that really hurt. I have a feeling that what she wanted to say is that she's finding it too difficult to deal with the feelings that come up for her when I'm around about the past (because I do not talk about it at all). But she said all these things in such an emotionally manipulative way and seemed really unaware that I might take them badly.

I've been trying to see her point of view (she's very sick at the moment), but it really feels like she just doesn't get it. I've been trying really hard to have a relationship with her and my dad cause I do love them, but I can't be around someone who hurts me so deeply and then thinks we can act like its fine.

I have already arranged to move out so thats not the issue, but it just really hurts cause it feels like I've failed or I'm giving up. But I really don't see any other way through this than to cut her off again. She's not going to understand, but I can't make her understand. And I just need to accept that I think.

Anyway, rant over.

 

i think your right manraffe. thanks for your kind words. the analogy with the airplane us good. nuts definitely a case where trying to be around for her is hurting me and i find it difficult and stressful having time deal with her adder all this. so yeah just starting to put as much distance between us as possible right now and trying not to think about the future.