Social Anxiety and trying to join the gay community

I'm sort of venting here, but also just wondering if other people's social anxiety has gotten in the way of them coming out and starting to get into the gay community in the real world. This is a huge step for anyone, of course, but I feel like right now my two issues (my sexuality and my social anxiety) are converging in a major way. I had a meltdown today because a woman I met at PFLAG is offering to connect me with some other women in the community, but wants my phone number in order to do so. Logically I *know* this is a good idea, these women will only talk to me if they want to do so, and so likely it is going to be a helpful experience, or at worst a neutral one. But the thought of it still sends me reeling. I have a hard enough time talking to friends about my sexuality. And a hard enough time getting a few words out to strangers about anything. So talking to strangers about my sexuality just feels :icon_eek: .

This then of course spirals into further thoughts- how will I ever get into the community at all? Every activity I attempt is going to be a barrage of new people. How will I make friends? Will I be accepted, at my age? Will they take me seriously? And how will I ever find a girlfriend if I can't even get myself to *talk* to people? And so on, and so forth.

I know the answer to all of this is to "push myself" and I do. But sometimes I push a bit too much, or a particular set of factors converge and I'm knocked out cold like I am tonight. And I'm sitting here venting and typing because I can't do much of anything else. Times like this, when I can barely pour myself a bowl of cereal for dinner and just stare stunned into space because I can't will myself to do much more than that, I get very frustrated and very worried that I'll never truly get past all of this.

 

Thanks for your response, CrazyAwkward, it helps to know I'm not alone in this. You're right, even if I take only small steps, they are still steps in the right direction.

I just emailed that woman telling her I would indeed like to talk to these people. Hopefully something good comes out of it.

I'm fortunate in that there are a good amount of LGBT groups nearby. I just haven't found one for people in my particular situation (coming out in adulthood) which is why I went to PFLAG first. When I start to feel more comfortable I will try to check out some of the more socially oriented groups nearby. PFLAG doesn't seem quite right for me, either, it was mostly parents or relatives of LGBT people rather than gay people themselves. But I am hoping that it'll help me build some connections, at least.

Do you have an LGBT center in town? If not, maybe PFLAG would be worth checking out for you, too... even if you don't end up caring for it it doesn't hurt to go and see what it's like, right?

 

tulipinacup- Thanks, I'll try to think of it that way. I'm sorry you don't have much of a community where you are, but I think it would be great if you could try to make it to a meetup! Have you tried to go to any?

sweetfemme90- Yeah, my friends and I tend to communicate via Facebook or text for the most part. I asked about it and I guess a few of the women that I may be put in touch with are in the older crowd, so that may be why the want to use the phone rather than email (which I am far more comfortable with, the phone is awful for my anxiety, too).

I'm glad you've managed to find a good group of friends. Thanks for the reminder to be patient, as well, you're right, this won't be instantaneous, but hopefully it will lead somewhere eventually.

 

Thanks! I got an email from one of them, hopefully the others will email as well. It will be nice if we can email for a bit then meet in person. I find in person meeting preferable to phone, even, though it is also inherently stressful.

We also don't have an LGBT center, so I understand your frustration. Maybe you could try emailing those college groups to see if you could join? You're only a few years older than typical college age and there may also be grad students who are in your age range.

 

Sapphire- I'm sorry to hear you haven't had a great experience. Hopefully the people here will be more welcoming. Are there any other groups you could try checking out? Or maybe those "less popular" gay guys are more friendly?

Paris- You're right. And congrats to you making progress on the dating site! Have you been able to meet anyone in person?

Embarrassingly, I got a couple of calls today from unknown numbers that I did not answer. It may or may not have been them, for all I know maybe telemarketers. I was in the middle of errands and such so I could not have spoken then, but I do wish if it were one of those women they'd leave a voicemail so I know who it's coming from. I suppose if I see the same numbers pop up again I will have to make an effort to answer if I can. :icon_redf

In better news, I've sent a couple of emails back and forth with the woman who contacted me via email, and she has been open and willing to help, so that is good, at least!