A couple of weeks ago, I finally revoked my statement that I was bisexual in favor of coming out as a lesbian. My mother had this crazy hunch and kept pressuring me to come out to her as full-on gay. So I worked up the nerve and did it. She said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter to me. I'll love and support you no matter what you do, so long as you're not hurting yourself. Even if you decide you're a trans guy". I was like, thanks mom, you're great! So, on this past Wednesday, I suggested for the umpteenth time that I would like to get my hair cut soon, after it grows to about 10" (I plan to donate). It's at about 8 now, so it'll be long enough soon. I've recently stopped shaving, I've never worn makeup, and I dress very nuetrally. She said that she wanted people to be able to tell that I'm a girl, to which I only could respond that I'm NOT a girl. I'm female, and I'm ok with that, like it even, but girl does not and never has described me. She said that I could get a hair cut, but only if it was "something nice", meaning inherently feminine. She proceeded to go on about how gay is "the biggest trend at my school". I think she said this because my two closest friends aren't straight (one's pan and the other is a lesbian), but I was out before BOTH OF THEM. That one especially got under my skin, because when I first came out, my stepdad treated it like it was a trend and a passing phase, and made me lose a lot of my original confidence in the legitimacy of my feelings. After this, my mom went on to say that she was ok with it if I were a girl OR a boy, but that there couldn't be middle ground. She said that she didn't want me nuetral or androgynous. She then concluded by sarcastically saying that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I was happy. Does this make sense to anyone? I'm really confused about this and kinda angry... I don't know how she could take back something that meant so much to me.
I'm sorry that your mother acted so hurtful. Have you tried talking to this about her? Some things need a little time to sink in, too. It will be very hard, but if you continue to be confident, assertive, and persistent about your identity, they will soon realize that this is simply who you are, and they will have no other choice but to accept it.
The point of all of this is to strike the right balance so that it reflects what you truly are. From what you describe it sounds like androgyny. Have you approached the subject to you mother in this way? Not as how you are perceived but as how you are? Anyway, try not to be angry about it. Your mother sounds like she is trying to find a solution but like most parents she's inserting yourself too much into it. Trust me, it's better than the other way around. Hand in there.
