Hello there! I'm completely new to this forum, so I hope I'm not looking for advice in the wrong place But anyway, here's my story: I am an exchange student, and I met a girl 4 months ago in a study group. She was stunning and intelligent, and, well my crush developped very quickly. 2 months after that I slowly made my existence know, until our different groups of friends kind of melted. Each time we saw each other we would talk for a good time, have fun and exchange quite a lot about our personal lives. She always acted nicely but we never really reached the point of being friend enough to meet just the two of us. I knew right away that she was straight, or at least really liked guys, and that's the reason why I never really acted on my feelings as much as I would like. Also, and I guess it's an important point, I am very much in the closet here so there was no way she knew I liked girls. But last week, kind of everything changed because I invited her and her friends (who are now also mine) to a trip. We were around 14 in a cabin, and being drunk and everything I kind of acted more flirty toward her than I ever did. The last night we were both pretty drunk and she asked me if I was lesbian and hitting on her. I was really shocked because like I said I'm in the closet, and I could have sweared that I was not THIS flirty. All I could answer was "What?" and she said "nevermind, forget it" and I just run away back to the party. I thought about it all night, first I was kind of angry at her because I felt ashamed, and for me we did not have the kind of relationship that could explain such an intrusive question (even if about her too). But also because it meant that she was going to reject me, and even if I did not have a lot of hope, I liked the way we acted around each other. So I really backed off and turned quite cold. But now she acts as if she never asked that question, and as if she was kind of sorry (but maybe that's my imagination). I really don't know how I should act around her, nor what she would have said if I said the truth to her at that moment. So I really need your advice on this because now that we are in the same group of friends I'm going to see her really often. Thank you so much for reading this, and thank you in advance for helping me!
Don't punish her for asking. she obvioulsy didn't know that you might feel offended. If she was homophobic, she wouldn't have asked, she would've just said something (rude) about it. Just act like you acted before and just wait until she mentions it. If she doesn't mention, even easier, just pretend like it didn't happen (or try to).
Thank you so much for answering so fast! You're right, I should not punish her for asking, but I still feel that she asked because at a point she has felt uncomfortable with the way I acted (because why else would she ask?), and I really don't want that. Also I really don't want her to ask again or know for sure that I am lesbian, the only reason why I would be happy to let her know is if I actually had a chance with her. So I really feel like I can't act like I used to with her.
Well you might have yourself a double edged sword there, you either act like normal and fear her knowing you are lesbian, or you act diferent and might lead her to think that she has offended you. I would prefer the 1st option, but you might not be as confortable with people knowing your sexuality as me. Don't also assume she is unconfortable with you as a gay person, some people are more frontal about answering their doubts, that might have just been a question of curiosity and nothing more. You could also just go have a talk to her and say you were sorry and blame the alcohol, that usually works, specially if you try to sound extra embarrased over having to talk about this.
I've been in your situation before so just be honest. Honesty is a key to a friendship. She might like you too. Just don't spend your life wondering what if, and be her friend. Start to get deeper into the friendship to see if you can trust her with that information. Just be honest instead of living a lie, no one likes living a lie.
