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Well I feel inadequate.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Theron, Mar 17, 2015.

  1. Theron

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    I went out with my fiance for dinner tonight and while we were out, I heard some guy suddenly call out, "[Fiance]? [Fiance], is that you?" I turned around and saw this drop dead gorgeous guy staring directly at my fiance, and my fiance was all of a sudden really happy to see this guy. I thought maybe he worked with him or knew him from somewhere.

    No. My fiance's ex-boyfriend from before me. Holy hell, he was gorgeous. Made me feel like an ugly little troll next to him. No, an ugly big troll.

    He sat with us and they talked for a bit, he seemed like a really nice guy, so I was ribbing at my fiance and asking his ex why he dumped my fiance. He gave me this really puzzled look and said, "No, actually he dumped me."

    What. He had this amazing, gorgeous, normal, 100% functional boyfriend. He broke up with him and settled on me?? Scarred up, epileptic, PTSD headcase ex-drug addict with totally dysfunctional family me???

    Yup, the title says it all. I feel inadequate.
     
  2. hat123

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    Hi Theron! I really hope you would gain more confidence about yourself. Yes, you might be less "gorgeous" than your fiancee's ex, but remember that he chose you to be his Fiancee in the end. Committed relationship are not just about physical attraction, but emotional connection too! So don't feel inadequate, because i am sure that your fiancee love you for who you are, and you should too.

    About him looking "amazing, gorgeous, normal, 100% functional boyfriend," yes from the outside he might look normal and functional. But remember, he just seems to be normal and you are only assuming at this point. Who knew what happened in the past? No one knows the answer except your fiancee. If this continues to be a problem for you, just talk it out with your fiancee. Ask him to tell the story of his ex-boyfriend and how do the relationship end. I'm sure a good, honest conversation would help you :slight_smile:.

    Anyway I see in your sig that you're getting married soon! Good luck!
     
    #2 hat123, Mar 17, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2015
  3. PatrickUK

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    You are not being fair on yourself Theron. The damaging words you are using to describe yourself will only feed the feelings of inadequacy. Stop it now!

    Actually, you don't know if any of that description is accurate. You can't make such an assessment based on a brief, chance meeting while you were out to dinner.

    I have one thing (one very significant thing) to point out to you in response:

    You can self analyse about this all day and night and take on board the miserable feelings of inadequacy, but the ultimate reality is that you are almost married. Your fiance clearly wants to be with you. He made the choice to not be with his ex and he made the choice to be with you. Leave him to make his own judgement and you take care of yourself.

    Oh, and have a great wedding day. :slight_smile:
     
  4. raiden04

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    He chose you Theron, you're getting married in a couple days! Come on man, how're you gonna love your man if you won't love yourself first?

    Congratulations btw!! :grin:
     
  5. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Hey handsome, you are not a big ugly troll.

    Your guy picked you to be with forever. Not this other "100% perfect guy." Discuss your feelings of inadequacy with your fiance. Better to get this out and over with than leaving it to fester.

    And you better talk about it now. WOW, 600 f'in posts. Sorry, just noticed that.

    Talk about these things before it's official in 2 days. Unresolved issues can ruin a marriage (ask me how I know (or just search it))
     
    #5 kindy14, Mar 18, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2015
  6. Theron

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    n_n; Thanks, guys.

    My fiance knows about my self-confidence issues. He's always been wonderful about it. I don't usually feel this way as much anymore, but it rears its ugly head now and then because my anxiety and depression occasionally get the best of me.