Okay, so I stayed at my grandmas last ngiht like a typically do on the weekend. I was up till about 2-3 am talking to my friend who I have a huge ass crush on... Well this morning I fucking wake up and my mom got into one of my accounts (Pinterest) and changed my fucking password and added a whole bunch of religious boards and some i have the best mom boards. I have literally had to change my password for EVERY MOTHERFUCKING THING. I had a bit of a mental break down because I KNOW she fucking read through my messages to my friends mom who is more of a mom to me than my real mom. This is the second time this has fucking happened! I'm out to my parents as a lesbian and they said the are supportive but they are trying to fucking change me! I can't come out as panromantic until I feel they wont be douches about it. I hate my parents so fucking much. All I want to do right now is curl up in a little ball and die. I'm glad I'm at my grandmas because that means I don't have my blades with me. Thats good...but bad... I've been biting at my nails and my thumb is bleeding.... Ive also been picking at my skin. I feel like people are screaming inside of my head. I want nothing more than to just die. Maybe I'll go drown myself in the goddamn pool. It'll be better than this bullshit I've been dealing wwith for the past 3 years....
you're going through a really rough patch, and the worst part is that you are having to go through it alone. since you are already out to your parents, can you ask them to help you get into therapy, or some kind of counseling? You are dealing with so much, it could really help to have someone to talk to about it all.
Therapy and counsoling has really never worked becuase I hate talking to the shrinks because to them they dont care im just another nut case
It sounds like you may have had some bad experiences with counseling. I'm sorry you feel that way. It is certainly not the norm for people who go into those professions. Most do that because they care and really want to help people. And most have been through their own share of being on the receiving end of therapy. It's certainly your choice, but just remember that if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you don't change something in your life, things will continue to go along as they are going right now. If you're OK with that, that's your call. But if you can't take it any more, grab whatever lifeline you can. If you feel like one counselor is treating you like "just another nut," tell them, and if they don't change their approach get another one. I only hope you find some way out of what you're dealing with right now.
