Dark times Alone my thoughts smother While music calls And through my sadness I dance through it all The music beats, a steady song I sing as it strings me along I close my eyes and watch me fall Tricked to enter that dark room Stripped of clothes I cry and moan Shedding tears I beg to stop Kill my trust and shrug me off When I stood up I couldn't look at your face It was a race to leave that place Grab my clothes and run into snow Bare feet on ice, inside I've froze Still I run, down the street I slip and trip Till I feel I'm free But forever chained to that awful place In my mind I'm resigned But I also fight, forget that fright Drifting, shifting perspective, preemptive attack I turn to a lost friend and ask what I lack I'm told I'm never alone, to pick up the phone And call to bawl when I'm about to fall I instill a sense of hostility towards future lovers see Why did you do it! Why was it me?! I scream at the top of my lungs till my voice is gone I'm choked up, I throw up the memories inside of me But it didn't help... I want to go back and attack my attacker Stop him and drop him. Hit him and spit on him I want to understand him, and make him understand me I want him to see that he tore me in half and screwed up my mind How can I get close to another when I fear it's another lie? How long will it take to get over this anguish? I languish, longing to laugh like I did in the past Outside I'm funny, people like me Because I'm happy they can't see I'm crazy with guilt and hate I'm fulfilled when distilled Dissolve, resolve my pain Retain the lesson-- nothing's the same I'd kill you if I could, just to make it end To stop replaying from beginning to rend. I fall into sheets, I close my eyes and try to sleep ---- I'm a writer, it's what I do best... And it's easiest to write out my feelings than to keep them inside. I'm still trying to get over something that happened a little bit ago. I know I'm stronger than this, but it doesn't stop me from crying and trying to hide these memories. I'm sure closure will come in time. But for now, I'm just trying to learn how to cope. I hope somehow this helps someone going through the same thing...
