I get like this from time to time. Its overwhelming, I then go on a drinking spree and just don't care about anything. I say things I would never say to people and ruin everything good I got going. Then when I'm back to my old self I have to repair everything. It all started with my friend leaving for the army. Then I thought maybe I still have feelings for him because whenever he leaves for a period of time I get into this sad habit. But its weird because I don't feel like that for him whenever he is around.
Do you have any idea where the overwhelming feelings of sadness are coming from? You seemed to think it started when your friend left for the army, but it seems to be continuing now. Have you considered working with a counsellor/therapist who might be able to help you with all of it? If you can get a handle on your feelings it may lessen the temptation to drown sorrows with alcohol and continue in this difficult pattern. What do you think?
You definitely have some form of depression going on. You don't have to like someone "that way" in order to miss them. Apparently this person is very important to you, and makes you feel safe when they are around. When they go away, all the things they make you feel safe about are gone. Yes, counselling is probably the best option. I don't know how old you are, if you are in school, or have a job...... But if you are in school, there are counselors you can see for free, or very cheap. If you have a job, then you should have healthcare insurance, and that covers mental health counselors. Even if you just want to see if you are depressed, you can go to your regular doctor and ask them to give you an anxiety/depression test. It's different for each medical office, as there are many types of "tests". When I had one done years ago, it was just one page of questions and answers, and all I did was check the box closest to the feeling I was having for that question. But your test may or may not be a written one. Diving into self destructive habits is not something you want to get accustomed too. I would suggest spending that booze money on seeing a doctor or counselor first, to see what issues you may have. You have feelings for this person, even if you don't know it. They may be feelings you are afraid of, or one's of brotherly love, or just that you cannot stand to feel alone when they are gone. But you have to diagnose what's wrong, in order to fix it.
