So I have had this problem for a while when I go out to gay bars - or actually most specifically lesbian bars - I shut down. The first time I went to one was a few months before I even knew I was into girls as well, and it was embarrassing as I went into my shell and basically told every girl who approached me that I was not gay. Since then I have tried to move forward, but I can't shake the uncomfortable feeling I had the first time when I entered and every girl in the room looked to the door and checked me out - as a piece of meat. So I am stuck in this situation where I don't dare to actually relax and meet people without freaking out on the inside. It is a bit easier to be relaxed about it when I'm in a general gay bar as a lot of different types go there as well. Even though I have come out to myself and I know I am not afraid of PDA I have clearly not accepted it completely. What to do?!
Be patient with yourself. After a while you may see that there are types of clubs you don't really fit in or like, and then, as you said, general gay bars you do like. No rush. You're doing everything right, but Rome wasn't built in a day as they say!
One thing that helps with anxiety is repetition. Stop trying to "move forward" and go ahead and let yourself be awkward at the bar. It's embarrassing, I know, but learn to forgive yourself. Just keep trying. I used to feel like such an idiot because I kept going back to the bars every weekend and everyone except me seemed to know someone. I stood for hours on the sidelines watching everyone else dance. It seemed like I would never meet anyone. But I kept going and going and eventually I did meet some people who then introduced me to some other people and next thing I knew I was going to parties instead. I liked the parties a lot more and stopped going to the bars for a while. When later I went back to a bar again I felt just as awkward as I did when I first came out. So I guess I'm just not a bar person. But I am glad for the experience with the bar scene, otherwise I don't know how I would have ever met anyone. So maybe the medium isn't the best for you either but if it is where the girls are then it's where you should be too, don't you think?
