I went out tonight for the first time in months. My roommate's band had their first gig. After the show was over, a bunch of us started talking, and then people started leaving the conversation one by one and it ended up being just me and the guy that owns the studio where the band practices. We had a pretty good conversation going, he was asking me about my work, and then he asked me if i had a business card. I guess I should have seen it then. I didn't so he asked me for my number. I was a little tipsy and wasn't thinking about it so I gave it to him, and gave him the website for my portfolio. God, in hindsight I'm so freaking oblivious! I guess maybe I was thinking I could make a job connection of some sort? I was just being friendly. (I'm working on making more friends too since I keep to myself a lot) My phone died earlier in the night, so when i plugged it in when i got home, he texted me saying it was nice to meet and like a get home safe or something. How do i let him down easy? I'll be seeing him every so often so I don't want to make it awkward. I'm not attracted to him. He's really nice though and I still want to be friends with him, I just can't exactly come out to him. I really hope he doesn't ask me out. :/ Sorry if this rambled a little... can anyone help?!?!
I can relate to you on that one.. I feel like im too nice aswell, even to those who despise me and my orientation... I do know im certainly not in my place right now but I'll try and help you out on this.. One thing to avoid trying to say the ole' cliches like "its not u, its me" or "im not ready for a relationship".. no.. im sure almost everybody has heard this so its most likely he knows you're lying.. If he tries to ask you out you will have to be honest with him.. im not saying to comeout.. u do that whenever u feel like its right but if its not the time then dont..... To gently or nicely let him down.. tell him that you like him as a person.. if u do... and that you're at the point in life where you're not too sure what u want... sure it might be lying if u actually know what u want but either way its a gentle way to let him down. Be clear and firm that you dont seek his relationship. Also do not give him false hope. Tell him you'd like to be friends.. Im sorry if it didnt help much but i tried. Hopefully they'll be better ones.
You don't have to respond to his texts at all. If you already have, you can keep your respobses short. If he suggests "getting a drink" or something, you can say "I'm actually not interested in dating or anything - sorry", and leave it at that. Lex
Ugh. I have been in similar situations. The thing is people assume you are straight. Unfortunately for the straight community when a guy and a girl talk to each other and get along well it means something where in our community it simply means you get along and made a new friend. Or at least this is my experience, other people can jump in and share their own experiences. The problem I experience with the straight community is many people make assumptions you're straight and they tend to have this unspoken dating strategy. It is really annoying because hanging out means date. People often don't want to ruin things by coming off too strong and they don't want to be vulnerable by opening themselves to rejection. So responsibility is put on us to be vulnerable and tell a person when we meet them that we are gay (and then get accused of waving our rainbow flags in their faces). Hah yes I am bitter about my past experiences. I had a guy told me that when guys talk to a girl it means they want to date/have sex with them. I say do things our are. Be friends with this person and eventually they will discover you're a member of the LGBT community. If they ask why haven't you told me you were gay before ask them why they never told you that they were straight before....say this more so in a light hearted way. It sounds like you are interested in making some new pals so continue to make friends with him. If he decides friendship is out of the question and chooses to not be friends with you, it's his decision. Personally I think gay and straight people can be good friends if they allow themselves to be.
I don't think you're being "too friendly." It sounds like you were talking to this guy because you were enjoying the conversation and you thought there might be an opportunity to network; I didn't get the impression that you were being too nice. It also doesn't seem like he's outright hitting on you. Sure, he's probably interested, but even if you were straight you are under no obligation to reply to his texts. And if he does ask you out, just tell him sorry but you're not interested in dating. Again, you could do that even if you were straight. Try not to hurt his feelings if it comes to that, but you don't owe him anything. And if he doesn't want to be friends after that, that's his problem!
