I came out to my mom today and now I feel awful?

I know I've sorta felt that way when after my parents have asked me if I'm gay (I have always answered a prompt and definite no to that question), and I think that is because I wasn't ready to discuss the topic with them. Now, so far, with everyone I've come out to, I've pretty much always been scared going into it, but felt better after coming out.

For example, last week when I called my chief medical officer to come out to her, I was shaking, when she answered, my voice was trembling... She could definitely tell I had something big on my mind. After, I was much calmer and at ease. She's really the first critical person in my life that I was worried about the reaction from coming out to. When I came out to my cousin, I kinda figured she'd react OK, but she was also still in the scared shock of coming out and not yet having the reaction back. (she came out by letter) I'm still fairly worried about how my parents will react when I come out in about a week.

 

I did when I accidentally came out as a lesbian. It goes away after a while. Also crying is pretty normal doesn't make you a "cry baby".

 

Yeah I felt the same. I was kinda outed so I wasn't really ready either, and I cried a ton. It was really embarrassing, I hate being vulnerable or emotional like that. I've felt really awkward about it ever since.

 

I did kind of feel awful right when I came out - but only because I had held it in for so long because I was scared of the reaction. When it wasn't what I expected (on the good side), I think all that anxiety and stress from hiding it and pretending I was something I wasn't made me physically ill for the next week or so. Also, stepping into a different world where you aren't hiding from everyone is a huge change and can feel terrible at first.

Also, I cried when I came out. Partially from stress, partially from relief.

 

There is a difference between coming out on our own terms, at a time that we have pre-planned and being put on the spot and forced to admit or deny our sexuality. If you have considered everything carefully and rehearsed in your mind how you intend to come out it's empowering and makes it somewhat easier, but if you are confronted with questions about your feelings it's very different, as you have discovered. It's rather like being exposed and when that happens our emotions can run off in a totally uncontrolled way and it's far from pleasant. So don't beat yourself up about this - it's really not surprising that you're feeling low and dejected about the way it seemed to unravel. The good thing is that you didn't retreat into the closet by denying the truth, so try to focus on that.

Give it a bit of time and allow yourself to recover and then think about how you would prefer to come out to other people. What can you take from this experience to make it go better for you in future? Just because this didn't go according to plan, it's not to say it will always be like this.

How did your mom react to the news?

 

Hi there!

I remember the first time that I came out to anyone at all, I spent several hours shaking and crying just mulling over my decision. I definitely did not feel good, and that was after coming out to my best friend--I was scared because I struggled so much with telling the closest person in my life, so I wasn't sure how I was going to tell anyone else. There's nothing wrong with crying a lot, either. It's a big step to take, so there are bound to be some emotions involved.

It is definitely scary and overwhelming, so I totally understand what you're feeling, especially since it's something you've been holding in for such a long time. For some people, it can be cathartic to come out, but for others, it may not be like that. If you are not comfortable with telling others after this experience, that is totally fine--no one can make you come out, and I recommend only doing it when you know you are comfortable and ready. Even so, I think it is really brave of you and that you're really strong to be handling this as well as you are. Allow yourself time to absorb what happened, and maybe do some breathing exercises.

How does your mom feel, if you don't mind me asking?