So I started therapy a few months ago because I was having extreme anxiety and was starting to feel suicidal. I wasn't 18 at the time so my mom had to sign my paperwork and I didn't mention anything about my depression in it because I was embarrassed and I knew my mom would freak out. My therapist only focused on my anxiety even when I tried to bring up depression. One time I said I had no motivation to do anything and she just said "that sounds like depression...anyways.." and just kept talking about anxiety. I didn't feel like she got it or was even really listening and I was still too embarrassed to just say that I was depressed. She constantly tried to get me to come out of the closet to my family even though I said that is not why I am upset or why I felt that I needed therapy. She never lets it go even when I said that it doesn't bother me. So today I told her I wasn't going to see her anymore and my mom yelled at me because she thinks I'm quitting. She said I just need to get this therapy thing over with before graduation so that I will be normal when I go to college. She doesn't get that I can't just "try harder" and my anxiety/depression will just magically go away. And then my therapist emailed me and was super nice and said I could keep the book she gave me. I feel horrible about the whole thing and guilty even though I shouldn't. I know it is partly my fault for not being 100% honest in the beginning but what patient is? I thought she would eventually get it out of me but all she cares about is me being gay and how I'm anxious at school. I don't know what to do because now my mom is mad at me and I feel bad. I can't stop crying because I feel like I ruined everything.
Hmm...the therapist does sound like a nice person, even though she was a bit stubbornheaded about you coming out. No, by no means does this make you a horrible person. You made a mistake, and that caused this to happen, yes. However, you aren't a bad person because of this. Re your mother: She's concerned. She probably most likely wants you to finish this therapy because she feels that this is best for you. Maybe think about going to a different therapist, preferably one familiar with depression and LGBT? Something like "Mom, Ms. (therapist's last name) and I simply didn't mesh well. I tried to tell her something that I didn't feel comfortable talking with you about (depression), and I still feel quite uncomfortable talking to you about it. She didn't seem to listen to it, and focused mainly on my anxiety, which was good, but it was part of a bigger problem." Something like that. If you feel able to, maybe you can tell her that you were(are) suffering from what feels/felt like depression, and when you brought this up, the therapist continued to focus on the anxiety you were feeling. Sometimes people don't mesh, and just like if you try to put a circle block in a square hole, it's not going to fit no matter which way you put it. Re your therapist: She really should have your best interests at heart. She probably does. People have different POV's, and that can be a wonderfully horrible or horribly wonderful attribute at times. Because you didn't put that on the form-waiver thingy, she probably wasn't equipped to talk to you about it. Send her an email telling her about your depression and how this linked into the anxiety and LGBT stuff. If she still is your therapist, then maybe you can talk about this in the next session? You have not ruined everything.
Hi gasian (I love your name) Thank you for your reply That was the most thought out and most helpful advice I have probably ever gotten. I emailed my therapist and tried to explain it as best as I could. For some reason I feel extremely guilty about the book she is letting me keep though. And about everything in general. My mom is not talking to me but she will get over it (I hope) I feel like I messed everything up as usual but hopefully things will work out. I feel kind of obligated to keep seeing my therapist because she was so nice in her email. I don't know.
You are not a bad person, we all make mistakes in life. However, your therapist tried to help and you have to respect that. Also, I am pretty sure she has had worse cases of rage against her, she is trained to deal with stronger reactions from people. However, you at least got therapy but honestly I would of stayed with it. Your mother has your best interest, my mother told me to get my shit together (pardon my language) and that there are more important things in your life. That being said, I am out of the closet to my parents and I really needed the tough love to realize I am not god's gift to this Earth. Honestly, depression is hard to deal with being in the closet but being openly gay at school is like wearing a target for people to pick on you. I can understand where your therapist is coming from.
You aren't a bad person. I have to believe that because I am just now going to therapy for the first time (for my dysphoria, but my depression and anxiety will come up, I'm sure), when I've been having issues for the last 11 years +. Everyone makes mistakes. You know that you and this therapist didn't mesh. It happens, and when it does, you move on, and keep looking until you find someone that you can work with. It's just like doctors, dentists, friends, significant others, etc. As for your mom, I'd explain that you didn't mesh with the therapist, and that you'd like to try a different one, and that you felt this one didn't address everything you were looking to address.
Thank you for all the replies!! I am emailing my therapist and she feels bad we never talked about my depression. She said that she agrees i don't necessarily need to come out to my family but she didn't really say anything else about it. I still don't know if I should see a different therapist or take a break for awhile.
Well, I would continue therapy, especially if you feel like you have clinical depression. At least continue seeing this therapist, until you find another one. However, now that she's aware, your therapist may be able to direct the path towards understanding and dealing with your depression. There's nothing you've done here that's bad. She's given you the books because she thinks they'll help you. My therapist has done that for me in the past as well. I've always returned the books when I'm done with them.
You aren't horrible. But I would say that therapist is. Just like ice cream, there are thousands of different kinds of flavors. Same thing with the medical community. There are thousands of different types of therapists.....a lot of them are just in it for the money or just don't care, so they are what we call "quacks". If you are willing to go to a therapist, there is one out there that is right for you. You just have to find them. Just because you went to ONE therapist doesn't mean she was right about what she said. She could be completely wrong, who knows. You need to try out a few different therapists, not just one. That's like wearing only one pair of shoes your whole life....it doesn't work. If your mother is willing, just tell her that therapist wasn't working for you, and you would like to find a different one. And if that one isn't working for you, then try another one. People think just because somebody has a license to do something, that means they are good at it. THAT IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM THE TRUTH!!! Most people can pass any test they study for and get a license in something....that does NOT mean they are good at what they do!!!
My mom always said I could see a different therapist if I thought that I needed to so that's why I thought it would be ok to stop going to the one im seeing now. But when I told her she got really mad and said now I have to call around and look for a new therapist myself even though she knows being on the phone is part of my anxiety. I don't know why she is trying to punish me when I don't think I did anything wrong. And she said I have to get a job and my license now which I've been trying to do forever but just never had the motivation to do it (which was caused by my depression) I am already trying to get my license but she said she's really disappointed in me and I don't know why.
The trick with therapy is that it only works as well as you let it. If you're holding out, it won't work. I recently started therapy and I immediately started talking about everything that bothered me, even though I normally don't, because I knew it was the only way for it to work. I get that you're scared, but continuing on the path you're on will only make it worse, trust me because I have walked it. Tell your mother, tell whatever therapist you end up with, tell anybody that can help you that you are depressed. It is not something you can beat on your own.
You had a shitty therapist. There are a lot of really sweet, well-meaning, genuine people who are terrible therapists. A good therapist would pick up on a single comment about depression, would be looking for signs for depression, anxiety, aggression, or any other clinical diagnoses to help you better understand yourself, and would also not keep coming back to a point you'd said wasn't key to what you wanted to do. A capable therapist is always reflecting back to you, checking in with you, double checking that you're on the same page, but at the same time, making *you* do the work. It doesn't sound like your therapist was doing much of any of that. So I'd suggest trying again with a different therapist. You don't need to put on the intake form about the depression; just bring it up in the first session, and be up front: you didn't put it in writing because you didn't think your mom would react favorably. The therapist -- if s/he is competent -- will immediately get that. It's always sensible to make some phonecalls and talk to three or four therapists before choosing one. You won't be guaranteed to get the right one even with that, but if you talk to a bunch of them, you'll get a sense of their different styles/approaches, and how you connect, and that should help. Feel free to PM me if you want help with what to ask or how to find one that will be a good match.
You probably should have talked to your mom about wanting to change therapists, and then she might have been fine with it. I've got the same anxiety about being on the phone. I can break out in a cold sweat if I have to call someone I don't know.
Thank you! yeah she is very nice and it makes me feel bad about not seeing her anymore but I always thought she would pick up the hints about depression like you said and she never did. I don't really know how to find a new therapist besides looking online and reading reviews? But I've heard that's not the best way.
