Since I was 16 (3 years ago) I questioned my identity. I told my sister early on and her extreme reaction put me so deep into the closet that I convinced myself I was asexual. I completely repressed all feelings for women. Two weeks ago I told this to a therapist. I left and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. I started to recall crushes I had on girls as a child. I realized that I can only imagine a future if it includes a female partner. I have 19 years of being told that gay is wrong. Before I came out to myself I thought I was a very accepting person and now I see that I have internalized some of this negativity. Basically my internal conservative-Christian-Republican-self is screaming at me.:tantrum: I feel like I need to work that out before I tell anyone. I need to be SURE that I'm gay. Right now I'm at like 90-95% sure and need that to be 100%. So! Finally the questions: Did you ever feel this way? How'd you get over it? How can I get over it?
Yes, I've felt this way. I'm a Christian, and most Christians believe that homosexuality is sinful, me included. I mean, I did at first, not anymore. Over time, I came to terms with who I am and realized that God wouldn't have made me bisexual if it was wrong. I don't know exactly how that happened, but it definitely took time. I would try to focus on the thought that there is nothing wrong with you for liking women, and God will love you no matter what. Eventually, you won't see yourself as doing something bad, but you'll be comfortable with who you are.
Hi I'm not out to anyone so don't have a lot of experience yet but I think that I might also have some internalized homophobia. I think that the best way to be sure of one's orientation might be to experiment a little. I've decided to just try and forget labels and let whatever happens happen. If I get involved with a guy...great, it'll be a lot of fun because I know that I am attracted to guys. If I get a girlfriend...great, I can explore that side of the sexual spectrum since this is the one that I'm most unsure about. And if I find that girls do nothing for me I know that I'm gay....but maybe I'll really enjoy it.. who knows. I know this is easier said than done but I think experimenting a little could help find the right label for someone who is unsure. So if you're 95% sure, explore those other 5% and see what happens. Good luck
